Heading toward nirvana

This whole journey to Thailand turned out to be a pivotal moment of my entire life. I could never picture myself a Buddhist for so many reasons…I was born Christian; I was never even told or taught a single thing about Buddhism. It all seemed to be so far away from me and my way of life until… Until I got off the plane in Thailand. Somehow it spoke to me in a completely new way making me feel like home. Even better. It was much more than a home, or a warm feeling deep in my heart, or a “Jeez, I kinda like it here” conclusion. It was peace…
I started off with “The River Kwai” two-day trip. Being a huge fan of embracing opportunities, I was dying to hit the road. Elephant trekking, feeding monkeys, exploring a floating market, viewing breath-taking waterfalls. It was bigger than promising. Little did I expect the mind-blowing breakthrough coming from a wooden bench.
We got a floating bungalow. The river was murmuring just below my feet. The wind was gentle and sweet like a little puppy fawning on me. The sun was setting and I decided to set myself as well…on a wooden bench. The world stood still…like they sing in all those romantic love songs, I could almost hear the music. And it just dawned on me: I don’t wanna go…I don’t wanna move or think or say a word. It came quite as a shock to me to finally have a mute conversation with God, or Universe, or an angel, or my inner self, or whatever that was!
- What should I do with my life?
- Seriously? Even here, in such a gorgeous place you keep asking this question?! You still don’t know?! Girl, you have issues…
And all of a sudden I started laughing. I do have issues! But I don’t want anymore.
- How can I change? What should I do?
- Just change…
- You mean, like, right here right now?
- Sure!
- But how…
- Just shut up and change!
I laughed again, then I felt kinda teary and then…I let it go… This was the first time when I felt unconditionally happy. Not because I fell in love or won a lottery or got a job, but because I was so inevitable.
I had to fly 10 hours to discover it on a bench of a floating bungalow in the middle of nowhere. The River Kwai has become my happy place. Whether I meditate or thank the Universe or chant mantras or feel blue or feel good, I mentally travel to my happy place. Now there is no need for me to buy a ticket, as it’s always so close – right in my mind. In the end, it’s not about what we look at, it’s all about what we see.