An Action, Adventure Guide to Enlightening Travel

The young man thrusts his microphone in my face and I wince, remembering how, only moments before, there were guns in my face instead. "What do you think about the security at the Taj Mahal?" he asks. I take a breath and pause.

An hour earlier, my rickshaw driver deposited me at the entrance of the Taj. "You can bring your bag, but no sharp items," he said. I handed him my knife and took the rest.

Two lines, divided by gender, slowly shuffled past two sets of guards stationed at the entry gates. Three female guards -- one young, one middle-aged, and one old -- thoroughly searched the bags of the women ahead of me and granted them each entrance. When my turn came, I smiled and handed over my overstuffed day pack. Scowling, the old guard methodically removed my wrinkled clothing and quickly found a personal item that I'd forgotten was stashed at the bottom.

This particular travel companion was disguised as a tiny British soldier that vibrated when his feet were turned. As he emerged, I silently prayed that they would pass him by without comment, but the old guard became angry. "You cannot bring toys into the Taj Mahal," she scolded.

Frantically, I apologized and begged for his return. Like the Fates weighing my life choices, the guards passed my toy between them, each studying it and contemplating its purpose, until realization struck the youngest guard. "Is this your boyfriend?" she asked, vibrator in hand.

Mortified, I quickly snatched him back, stuffed him and my clothing into my bag, and hurried sheepishly past the line of snickering tourists to find my driver. Without need for explanation, he drove me to a spot behind the Taj where I could take pictures. The luminous monument stood in the distance, separated from me by a river, a field, and a razor wire fence.

As I approached the fence, I saw two guards holding rifles and posing for a film crew. I curiously followed the group as they walked beyond the boundary. I'd never seen a film set before, and I wanted a closer look. Suddenly, the guards turned and pointed their guns at me, and I realized that they were real soldiers. I stared down their barrels, wide-eyed, as they yelled words I couldn't understand. On cue, a young man from the film crew convinced the soldiers to lower their weapons, then he motioned for me to follow. He explained that he was filming a TV spot for the news and asked for an interview.

I look into the camera. "What do I think about the security at the Taj Mahal? It's great."