Unfinished love
I’ll never forget the day that I walked next to Mehmet, seeing the shining mountain from Charlie Bridge, Prague, Czech Republic. The scene was breathtaking. The lights on the hill looks like thousands of stars, composing a tiny universe on the hill. Dim light of the lamp, bicker of the river and soft street art music formed a quite and romantic night.
It was in 14th Feb, 2014, the night of Valentine’s Day. The bridge seemed to be infinite long and I could not see the end. Breeze touched my hair softly. I could see the lamp light cast shadow on Mehmet’s bearded face. Although it’s already spring, cold remains when it is at night. A couple next to us leaned against the bridge railings, kissing each other, whispering their vow of love. The atmosphere dragged us into an awkward state.
I remained silent, catching up with Mehmet’s pace. I didn’t want to add more embarrassment to the atmosphere.
However, Mehmet broke the awkwardness.
“It’s the most beautiful bridge I have ever seen. It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? “
“ Yeah. But it seems that we pick a wrong time, hum?” My chin slightly pointed to the kissing couples.
“It doesn’t matter. Maybe we can pretend to be a couple. “ He blinked his left eyes and with a joke tone and wrapped his arm around me.
“Yeah. Maybe. But it must looks strange. Turkish and Chinese? How could it happen? “ I joke back. Feeling the warm comes from my neck, I imitated his Turkish accent. “Do you know why Chinese people built the Great Wall? To defend Turkish, we beat you, you know. “ I pretended to pose a terrified face.
Both of us began giggling. That’s how we communicate. We make fun on each other.
Use our mutual friend Alex’s word, “ You two like in kindergarten. “
Three of us met in a volunteering program in Poland and we soon became good friends in the last six weeks. We traveled together, drank together, clubbing together. We even promised to go to each other’s wedding and baby waiting ceremony no matter where it is going to be.
I could feel that there is something connecting Mehmet and me, and I like him. He and me shared a lot in common. We both like politics and history. But I dare not to think deeper because I didn’t want to start a no-future relationship. We kept walking, pretending to be couples.
“What’s your plan after graduation?”
“I don’t know. Maybe join the army. You know, Turkish army is compulsory. I might be killed in Somali or Syria. “
I looked up into his face. I couldn’t tell whether it is a joke or fact.
“You?’’
“I will go to Turkey and marry you. “
Both of us burst into laughing. We really amused by this kind of communication.
If it were not the drunken man, maybe the relationship between Mehmet and me would continue like this. No more further. None of us wanted to suffer when we go back to our country. Missing a person is torture and reality is always crucial. He lives in an Islamic country and I live in a socialism country. The same thing between us is that both of our cultures are conservative towards foreign culture.
No future between us.
When we walked back to our hostel from the castle, a guy suddenly appeared in front of me with a fierce face, shouting at me in an unknown language. I had no idea what he is talking about, but it obviously not friendly. I can smelt the alcohol in his breath. I was too shocked to move and stand still. He lifted up his arm and going to hit me.
I saw Mehmet pushed him back and yell out something. But I couldn’t hear anything. I was freaked out. My face turned white and my hand began trembling.
“Hey, Leying, are you okay? “Mehmet came back to me and had his hand holding mine.
“Yeah, yeah, I think I am fine.” I murmured and kept walking.
He knew I am not.
He put his arm around my shoulder and held me tight. I leaned on his shoulder searching for some comfort.
After a few minute silences, I broke down and burst out crying, burying my face into his chest.
“ Hey, I’m sorry. Baby. I’m really sorry. I didn’t see him coming. If it is in Turkey, I could have beaten him. I should have protected you. I was so scared to see you get hurt. “
I wipe my tears, trying to clam down.
He looked me in the eyes. I could see the worry in his eyes.
The most unexpected thing happened.
He bent down and kissed me on my forehead. I was shaking. I didn’t know it is because the horrible guy or because of his kiss. He kissed my eyes, kissing off my tear. I could feel his breath on my face. Then he looked directly into my eyes. I knew he’s going to kiss me. But I don’t want to push him back. As his face approach mine, I feel the slight sting of his bread and the warm of his lips.
“ Do you feel better now?” He hugged me tight and whispered to me.
I enjoyed the warm from his body. I nodded my head slightly, touching his shoulder. He held my hand, crossing his fingers with mine and putting them into his pocket.
My mind was blanket. Everything happened too fast and I didn’t know how to respond. I had to admit that I really like Mehmet, but I’m too afraid to think about our future. Anxieties rose from my heart.
“ I like you since the very first sight. “Mehmet tightened his hand and said to me. “You don’t seem to be the Chinese I used to see. You are cute and funny.”
I didn’t know what to say. I maintain silence.
“ I know you are scared because it seems there is no future in this relationship.“ He turned his face to me and said, “But trust me. I would fight for its future. “
Without my noticing, tears had rolled down from my eyes. I was so touched.
Grown in conservative society, I was supposed to conceal my true feeling and keep them in the bottom of my heart. It is not common for a Chinese to express their feeling directly instead of using sublanguage. It was the first time I heard in person for someone to express such a strong emotion to me. I can feel my heart was beating so fast.
I stretched out another hand and gently touch his face. “I like you too. And I believe you. “
Mehmet was so happy that he held me high into the air. I kissed him back from the high.
That night, we slept together in the hostel. I curled up in the bed, digging my head on Mehmet’s chest.
“You taste so sweet. I don’t want to sleep. I want to kiss you whole night. “ He really did. I just couldn’t help giggling when his hairy hand gentle touched my body. We need to keep our voice low since there were still some other travelers in the room. This made us even more exciting.
Finally I felt a sleep in Mehmet’s arm. It was the most comfortable night in my life. I never felt that secure before.
It is so good to see your loved one when you open your eyes in the morning. That’s how I felt when I woke up next morning, finding that Mehmet still sleeping like a baby boy. I moved my hand and gently touched his golden hair.
Mehmet opened his eyes. So green his eyes were that I was absorbed in them.
“ Hey, morning babe.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead.
“ Morning.” Digging my head into his chest. I liked this, doing it like a little girl.
The next day is our first date but also the last one. I couldn’t conceal the sadness in my eyes. I was leaving for China tomorrow and Mehmet would be in Budapest, Hungary to meet his friends.
He held my hand tight as if he wants me to become part of him. We stopped at a pizza shop. We shared a pizza, seeing people walking through the street. It seemed we would not separate and go to this exact pizza shop again tomorrow. But both of us knew beneath our heart, it was not going to happen. I will leave and things change.
But we allowed us to escape the reality for one day.
Just enjoy today.
We climbed up the castle again. It never fails to fascinate me to watching the whole Prague from the top of the mountain. The red roof of the buildings and the sunshine on them are so breathtaking.
We danced in the center square where were some street artists performing music. We danced like crazy and finally, when the music ended, Mehmet bent down and kissed me. I kissed him back. I hoped so desperately that time could freeze at this moment. Let it be infinite.
Of course time did not make my dream come true.
We went upstairs to the bell tower to see the sunset.
When we were downstairs, the staff checked out student’s ID card. We shared our silly photo on the ID cards. My hair was really short when I shot that ID photo and Mehmet was really childish in his ID photo. We laughed at each other like idiots.
“ Damn it. The girl I date looked like the army commander. Did you work for the Communism Party? “ Jokes began between us again.
“ Yes. I am sent to Prague to assassinate a Turkish guy called Mehmet Adra. But mission failed since he was so handsome that I felt in love with him. “ I glued my eyes to long distance views, with an angel in my mouth.
Mehmet turned his face to me, held my chin gently and kissed me.
“ I felt in love with my cute Chinese commander. “
The sunset on the red roofs are gorgeous. It made me forget everything at the moment. Mehmet kissed my hand and wrapped his arm around me. Both of us lean on the wall of the tower and watched the sun slowly go under the roofs. Romantic was the only word I could think of.
On the way back to hostel, Mehmet dragged me into a church. I was not a Christian but Mehmet did. I was surprised when I first found out that he was a Christian given that most of the Turkish are Muslin. I heard him pray and said something in Turkish. Although I couldn’t understand, I felt peace. The church was so quite. It was a big contrary to the outside, where full of tourism. The candles cast some shadow on the table. It seemed to me that everything was suddenly clam down and I found my inner peace. Also, there was a strength come to my heart and Alex’s word apparent in my mind.
“ You need to have hope. You need to believe that it can happen.”
At this very moment, I got a feeling that I could marry Mehmet. Even though there were great barriers between us. Geographic distance, culture difference or maybe even religion. Everything.
When we finished our exploration and came back to the hostel, it was already 11 at the evening. I became to package up my luggage. Mehmet sat quietly on his bed, staring at my every moment. It seems that he want to record all my moment in his mind.
Finally I finished. He patted his bed and suggested me to sit down next to me. He gave me some massage on my shoulder and then put his chin on my shoulder, arms around me.
“I don’t want you to leave me. “ He softly kissed my cheek. “ I love you. “
Tears filled my eyes. I started to sob and couldn’t say a word.
We lied down in the bed together.
I buried my head in to his chest again. When I clam down I looked up into Mehmet’s eyes and kiss him. Kissed him as if this was our last kiss. He began to touch my back softly, and then hips, legs.
He spent all night kissing me, whispering how much he loves me.
He held my hand tight along our way to the airport. I couldn’t feel myself the whole morning. I still couldn’t believe that I’m leaving him. It may be the last time I see him.
I kissed him badly in front of the security gate. “Goodbye, I love you. Take care”. I murmured on his lips. I went straight into the gate and dare not look back.
Tears dropped on my handbag. I couldn’t stop it.
Goodbye Prague, goodbye my Turkish baby.
Will this just be a holiday romance or I will marry you?
Only future can tell me the answer.
