Bernprice: Blunders, Excitements and Surprises

The time I went to England is unforgettable! By 2000, I imagined passengers in the plane wore suits. So I put on one! ‘Welcome aboard the Emirates Air Bus’, the hostess said. ‘Thank you’, I answered as I entered. ‘She must be admiring my attire!’ I thought. I located my seat next to an English woman. Surprisingly, no other passenger put on a suit! ‘I should know why’, I resolved. Unfortunately, my neighbor turned her back to me, read a novel and slept off. ‘What an unkind lady this is!’ I complained.
I checked out from Gatwick and bought a magazine entitled, ‘Men Only’. ‘I have to do things the English way’, I planned. By this time, I was in the bus to Cambria. Strangely, the paper advertised nude English women! ‘This isn’t for all men’, I murmured. However, the scenery outside took my attention! The site of organized farms, combine harvesters and hay refreshed my school days’ memories! The latter was undoubtedly food for livestock during winter. Consequently, I fell in love with the English delicacies. I watched the hills, lakes, forests and birds. Everything looked perfect, not to forget the superb road networks!
Well, in spite of this, I was amused to see the English men cooking, while their wives watched Television! Back in Uganda, men hunt, look after cattle and drink. Women fetch water, firewood and cook. I had thought that was the trend, world over! Funny here, isn’t it? I meditated. More so, the open sexual expressions made me nervous! Adverts exposed ladies bodies and kissing with sensitive caressing seemed normal. Shockingly, it was during day, in pitches and buses! Frankly, my conscience waged war at some of the English lifestyle! As awkward as I thought this was, I tolerated it. Or did I? Probably not! One of my hosts realized how nervous I was! ‘Bernard, I know this is real fun for you! Next time, bring a camera to capture photos of these naked English women’, he teased.
Later, I heard some English too, practiced witchcraft! I traveled to a forest in Somerset to see. With candles round a tree, was an altar for white magic. ‘This tree is to transfer power to humans in a ritual!’ my companion remarked. I then visited the Lord Bath’s Palace. It had land as large as an administrative district in Uganda! I enjoyed watching different species of animals in the zoo. Yet funny still, a sixty year old mum, put on a brasher with a short just ending where bumps do! ‘It is summer time anyway’, I ignored. What a great lifestyle the English have!