Mexico to panama and Cuba in between

So I managed to get the flight out for 3.30pm and it turns out the crazy high fiving, Mexican, Armador, is coming along. So we packed our shit and walked to the bus station to catch a bus to the airport. Armador is pretty funny but also a bit strange. He owns a sail boat in Tulum which he has docked in cancun but has to take back to Tulum because there is apparently a hurricane coming! Anyway, he met like a thousand people at cancun airport and got us a ride to trinidad if we wanted.

I decided on the plane I was going to stay in Havana after he spilt his 3rd drink on himself! 

Going through immigration was fairly easy but I got drilled about my travel insurance for some reason but she gave up and unlocked the doors to Cuba for me anyway!

I saw Armador with my bag near some military guys and was a bit worried but he had picked my bag up at the X-ray because I forgot it. He high fived me for the 80th time and then said "I'll meet you outside."

I waited for about 40 minutes and so did the guy who was taking him to Trinidad but he had disappeared. So I changed some money at the airport because cuban pesos is a closed currency. They don't take kindly to changing US dollars for obvious reasons! I jumped a cab by myself. I should have asked around at the airport because the 4 Aussies staying in my room where on my plane......doh!

I got a taxi to rolandos hostel which the Aussies in cancun recommended. Very basic but rolando is awesome. His whole family run the hostel in a house in the centre of Havana.

It really is like stepping back in time here. On the drive in the old American cars are everywhere and they are gorgeous. You see an entire extended family driving around in them because they fit about 9 people and apparently by law you must pick up hitchhikers!

I went for a walk at about 8pm through the very dark street with the aim to walk on the same road until I hit the water so I didn't get lost.

Along the way a young Cuban took a liking to me and walked with me the whole way. Interesting conversation as he didn't speak a word of English and me just a little Spanish!

I ditched him as nicely as I could after he asked to come back to my casa.

I literally couldn't find where the action was so I decided to head back to the hostel.

2 hours later and a little lost, I made it.

I feel very strange in the stomach.........

Day 2

I still haven't eaten since yesterday morning and I don't plan to for a while as I believe I have 'montezumas revenge'!

After a very restless nights sleep in the dorm with 4 other really nice Aussies I felt like crapola in the morning. The aircon was too cold but the room was too hot without it so we were all taking turns switching it on and off!

Graphic content warning! Put it this way, at 8.30 this morning I DID NOT make it to the bathroom. Yep I shat my pants about 2 meters from the door! Oh my god, lucky it's laundry day!

I'm back in bed now along with one of the Aussie boys who's got a flu of some kind. They all have actually.  So I'm missing out on seeing Havana during the day, but right now I'm not risking a public pant shitting. Please work drugs.

I've now been in bed for almost 36hrs sick as a dog. Every muscle and bone in my body aches. I'm too scared to move. This is definitely not the place I wanted to get sick because I literally only have a week here. I don't know if I can even risk leaving the hostel today to get to Trinidad.

I couldn't do brekky but the crew in my room agree we have to get out of this place, it's depressing!

We all paid up and caught the smallest cab in the universe for 5 people to the bus station.

We were all keen to hire a big old Chevy for the 4 hour trip to Trinidad and our wish was granted. For $25 each we got into a beautiful big red Chevy with our driver Maury.

Well half way there it started pissing down and those old cars also have old windscreen wipers. There was a lot of stopping by the side of the road until we had any visibility!

We kept seeing road signs to Australia, there is actually a place in Cuba called central Australia!

5 and a half hours later we arrive in Trinidad. The cabbie dropped the 4 Aussies off at his mates place but I decided to head closer to the centro.

Along the way we picked up this lovely old lady who said I could stay at her casa.

I'm lashing out at $25 a night for a whole room to myself with aircon and a tv (Spanish only). I just need a good nights rest and a bathroom to myself to literally get my shit together!

The family are so sweet.

My plan is to head to the beach tomorrow, the one that is blue and transparent.........I just want to swim!

I went for a quick walk to the centre and it's tiny but I found casa de musica and listened to some awesome Cuban music before fighting my way back to my room via the treacherous cobblestone streets streaming with water from the downpour.

It's a very cute, very Cuban little town.

It even smells like cigars!

I'm going to sleep watching what I believe is 'crime stoppers Cuba'!

Day 3

Had a good sleep and woke up to breakfast homemade by Boris, the owner of the house im staying in.

This is the second time I've tasted Cuban cheese and it is terrible! It smells and tastes like old socks. This coming from someone who will eat any cheese put in front of her. The coffee is the best I've tasted so far.

I walked to the taxi area and got a cab to take me to playa ancon for $5 and it was worth it. My first swim in the Caribbean. White sand, clear water..... Perfecto! I swam for 2 hours and made a deal with the cabbie in the small Russian taxi to pick me up at 1pm. I met a lady in the water called belky, she gave me a guava and a banana to eat which was nice.

I got back to town and went in search of the bus station. This place is a maze of cobblestones but I found it not too far from my casa. The lady said there are 2 buses to Santa Clara tomorrow at 7am and 3pm so I'll see what time I'll wake up. 

I can't seem to ever find any food in Cuba, it is really like stepping back 50 years. I've lived off icecream sandwiches and water lately so it's a good weight loss plan in addition to montezumas revenge! I would give my right arm for a vegemite sandwich right now! Cubans have been very friendly so far contrary to what I was told by the 4 Aussies in cancun. This makes me think that maybe they were rude to the Cubans??

It is beyond hot here, like being bitch slapped by the sun itself.

I might eat dinner with the family tonight, test the local fare.

What's on offer tourist wise is cuban number plates, crochet clothing, things made out of soda cans and anything they can put Che Guevara's face on!

I met an old local sitting in the square trying to light his cigar. His name was Raphael and he was a farmer, so I gave him my lighter and he was pretty happy. I ran into him a bit later and he showed it to me again!

I've gone for another walk and found a beautiful little restaurant and I've ordered the lamb. Not sure if I've even seen a lamb, so lamb may mean goat and goat may mean lizard but it's a specialty and I haven't eaten properly for days! Bonus, you can smoke wherever the hell you want in this country. Ironically, their cigarettes are called 'Hollywood'......WTF??

The waiter just brought me the starter of tuna fish and I felt rude but I can't eat that shit, not even when I'm starvin marvin! Warm bread rolls is very bueno though.

Looking out the window and about 10 bus loads of tourists just touched down in what was a quiet little village. They sound European.

The bread is so good, I've just made myself a cucumber sanga and bagged it in a serviette for later! I ended up giving said sandwich to a dog I felt sorry for up the road.

The meal was enough for 3 people! The shredded lamb was delicious and definitely salted! Holy shit I'm thirsty as a camel.

I got back to my casa and the mama of the house is on the floor in front of the tv doing aerobics.......classic!

Making my way back towards Havana tomorrow with an overnight stop in Santa Clara.

The owner of this house just hooked me up with a casa in Santa Clara so I just have to look for my name at the bus stop.

While I was waiting I was showing her little boy movies of my dog on the iPhone, well I forgot they don't have anything like that technology here and he would not let it go and watched the movies over and over! So cute.

Day 4

So I'm ready to go to the bus station at 6.10am and try to get out of the place I'm staying only to find I'm locked in. Good to know if there's a fire that I would be trapped until sunrise!

I don't have a ticket for the 7am so I'm hoping it's not packed and I have to hang around until 3pm.

I'm unlocked from the house and at the bus station in the pitch dark. Nice walk though, you can see every star in the sky from here and hear every rooster in town! The ticket office isn't open yet so I'll park my arse on the curb.

Got on the bus and met a girl from Finland who loved a chat, she kept trying to make me eat her finnish flat bread ( reminded me of the shit the hobbits eat in lord of the rings) but unfortunately I felt like I was going to hurl so I nodded off. 3 hours later im in Santa Clara. 

The little taxi dude was outside the bus station with my name on a bit of paper spelt 'berlindar'! 

I quickly checked what time the bus to varadero leaves tomorrow and hooked it up with my cabbie that he get me back to the station at 7.15am tomorrow.......sorted.

Got to the casa and they are very friendly. I think I've scored a room to myself again for $20 with aircon. It is again as hot as a bitch here, even the locals say its friggin hot.

I decided to jump a bike taxi to the che Guevara memorial (when in Rome.......as I now know what Santa Clara is famous for......Che is buried here).

The poor bastard peddling me around town in the blazing sun, I felt terrible.

The Che museum and memorial is quiet nice, pretty small but full of great items that once belonged to Che including an array of weapons, clothes, diaries etc. I stood in front of were Che's remains are now buried after they were recovered from a secret mass grave in Bolivia about 15 years ago. Fidel himself lit the eternal flame just near the head stone. A lot of history right there mofos!

No pics allowed, so I have no pics.

I jumped back on the bike taxi and he took me to the Cuban cigar factory. I bought a Romeo y julieta and a montecristo for the tiny price of $10. It smelled really good in there but I was a couple of hours too early for the factory tour so I bailed.

The taxi bike man huffed and puffed me back to the park, i gave him an extra $4 for his trouble. I'm now in an italian restaurant because it's all I could find that was packed ( which means high turnover of food to me).  I've ordered lasagne which should be interesting!

Well it's pale and cold and salty as hell. They love a bit of salt in old Cuba town.

I can't eat it, it even has that Cuban stink cheese on it. Ide love to get into that kitchen!

It's official, Cuba has the WORST food in the entire world. For some reason I thought it would be really interesting and tasty but sadly no.

So I'm off to varadero tomorrow. It appears to be a very commercialized beach town where alot of Canadians holiday. The reason I'm going.......clear blue oceans! The pictures are unbelievable, so I'll spend the night there then back to Havana for my last night.

I just tried to find food for dinner and it's hard bloody work.

I finally found a "supermarket" and I realize just how spoilt for choice we are in Australia. We can literally get anything we want at anytime. Here they have very very little choice at shops that are run military style. Cubans lead a very sheltered life, but they may like it that way.

This country is hard work. Still amazing but hard work. It's nothing like I imagined.

The tv runs Che Guevara doco's/ ads every 15 minutes which is fine but they are kind of preaching to the converted when it comes to Cubans really.

Day 5

At the bus station awaiting my ride to varadero and I've noticed something. The men in santa clara wear perfume and the women wear aftershave!

No shit, I realized when the same cab driver came to pick me up..........WTF?? 

The other noticeable thing is the array of very different looking Cubans. Their skin colour comes in about 14 different shades. From very dark carribbean to very light almost white and everything in between. They are a good looking race thats for sure.

They spray the luggage area of the buses with some black smoke from a machine that looks like a leaf blower. I guess for insects??

The sunrise was bright red so it's going to be a scorcher, luckily I'm headed to the beach!

11am and I've travelled through some dodgy towns that if I got stuck there I wouldn't know how the fark to get out.

I found the Cuba I was looking for after lugging my backpack a couple of blocks from the bus station.........varadero is paradise :)

I thought I would try my luck at a semi swanky resort right in the beach, it is low season after all. Bang! Got a room on the beach for $27 and it's worth every penny.

Pool, 24 bar with real food, air con, satellite tv and on the most beautiful white sand clear water beach. Heaven!

I dumped my shit and jumped straight in the ocean. Warm, crystal clear blue calm water as far as the eye can see and not many tourists.

My faith in Cuba has been restored :)

I feel like I should have been here days ago.

Half an hour in the water and a huge tropical rain storm swept through but honey badger don't care, it's perfect!

I took cover under a thatched hut on the beach to wait it out and happened to glance to my left and what I saw is still burnt into my retina.........balls.

Yep, a guy not 1 meter from me decided it was a good idea to get changed on the beach and I witnessed a giant saggy hairy ballsack right in my eyeballs!!!! Oh my farkin god, the full bent over Monty!

I booked my bus ticket back to Havana tomorrow at 11am, I have to get back for my flight on Saturday.

Scored well here because I think this place is about $70+ a night in high season. So I'm celebrating with a scotch and tukola  (cuban coca cola) minus the ice and a club sandwich for $5.....bang!

The rain has stopped and the sun is back out so another dip in the ocean is calling.

Ok so I've spent a whole day here and it's a ghost town. The low season may not be the only reason people are not here. There is a stench that I can only describe as rotting eggs thick in the air. I remember reading something in lonely planet about the area being rich in natural gas and it appears here there and everywhere. It also mentioned to stay in a certain part of the beach to avoid it. Clearly I'm in the wrong part of the beach and should have taken note of that shit.

It's almost unbearable and I would bet on it being a health hazard, I actually feel dizzy.

I gambled on a pizza down the road, you can't fuck up a pizza right? WRONG.

The 'meat' is grey and it doesn't taste like pizza. I got it to takeaway which is a phrase they are unaware of here. He put it in a used plastic bag! Needless to say I'm glad I bought those water crackers earlier. After my pizza experience (which i filed under bin) I decided I needed a drink so I stopped at the wierd supermarcado and picked up a bottle of Havana club rum for the grand price of $4.

I dodged 48 skanky cats on the way back to the hotel, they are everywhere.

Well the farkin twist top wouldn't twist so I had to hack at it with the sharpest thing I have which is nail clippers.

20 minutes later I earned that drink and the whole bottle because the lid wont go back on! Good rum though.

Cuba, you will be the death of me.

4 drinks in and I've never been so happy to be watching Canadian tv!

Judging from the ads, it is actually a place I would like to visit. I've been told its a lot like Victoria in Australia. Maybe I'll play that country a visit if I ever make it out of Cuba!

Those water crackers I mentioned were my dinner tonight after the pizza incident, well they promised salt. After the overload of salt in every meal I've tried in this country, crackers that say they have salt.........do not. WTF??

When you are far away from people you know you work out what you miss most. Mine is being in New York eating wings and drinking whiskey with my brother or having a laugh at something at the bar with mum and dad at their hostel in Nicaragua. I've only been off the grid for a week and it hits home.

Day 6

Last night I swear someone was trying to get into my room so I shoved a chair with my backpack on it against the door........sorted!

Woke to the lovely smell of gas and had my free brekky. I got lucky yesterday with the beautiful blue water because after the rains it's not so clear anymore.

I'm an hour early for my bus to Havana so I'm sitting in the stinking hot terminal watching river dance on tv, WTF??!

Think I may just go back to rolandos for the night, at least then I know where I am.

I just ran into a nice couple from London at the station and its so nice to hear English again! They also mentioned that Cuba is not as great as they thought it would be.

We are 2 hrs into the bus ride and have made a random pit stop at a piña colada bar cranking the tunes on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere!

Made it back to Havana and on the way in I found the awesome part, veijo!

It's beautiful. I dumped my shit off at rolandos again and started walking and found the most amazing parts of this city. It's so massive and ornate. I even found an entire open air plaza where they have street stalls with old books, photos, jewellery etc. unbelievable. This is what I missed being sick for 2 days here and only seeing a seedy bit in the dark!

I'm about to jump on an open top bus to see the rest before it gets dark.

The 1 and a half hour tour took 3 hours! Interesting though as I saw parts of Havana I wouldn't have got to myself. Like the whole other 'resort' world at the other end, it's like a gated community. Not very authentic at all. I also saw a Cuban bride cruising around town on the back of a big old Chevy.....nice. Havana is all over the place living standard wise. Slums right next door to mansions. Downtown in some parts looks like a bomb just went off but it's peppered with beautiful old buildings in various states of disrepair.

I am currently sitting in the most picturesque outdoor restaurant in a square dwarfed by a huge cathedral and other gorgeous buildings. A Cuban band is playing. funnily enough they don't put tomato paste on their pizza but they do on their burgers! I'm drinking a dinky di Cuban mojito and it is blow your mind strong!

The sunset tonight was unbelievable, bright red.

The restaurant hawkers are everywhere but the funniest I saw was a little girl trying to show me the menu while she had her finger up her nose with not a care in the world!! 

Once again cats everywhere, hundreds of the farkers.

There's a guy sitting by himself next to me, looks harmless, has a Havana guide book in English, drinking straight rum. Should I, shouldn't I??! Nope, he just jumped 6ft when a cat went near his bag!

I walked most of the way in a mojito haze and stopped off for some road dessert. I won churro bingo! Yep a dirty big black hair right through the middle of one!

I jumped a bike taxi after bargaining him down from $5 to $3 with some free churros, hee hee hee!!

Day 7 

Drama drama drama at the airport in Havana!

I just walk in the door and Armador (the crazy Mexican) comes running over to me almost in tears. He got robbed in Havana 2 nights ago and has been living on the street until he made his way to the airport today!

He said he was approached by some guys offering a place to stay which is pretty normal here. They then gave him 2 shots of rum and he passed out. He woke up in a park with no bag, no wallet, no phone, just his passport and his ticket out of Cuba.

He asked police for help but they just gave him a light blanket and he literally slept under a tree one night and on the melecon the other. Poor bastard, but it gets worse.

I asked him where he disappeared at the airport when we arrived and he said after he saw me he was whisked away by security and x-rayed, searched, questioned and 'frisked' by a doctor. They were claiming he was carrying drugs from Mexico! He said they told him they would find something but didn't of course, even after checking the seams of his pants. How horrific. As you can imagine he is pretty stressed and has tried to change his ticket but can't get out until tomorrow. I bought him some food and drink because he hadn't eaten in 2 days. My flight has been delayed 2 and a half hours so I'm hanging at the airport for about 5 hours. Cubana air have given us a voucher for food because of the 2 hour delay. Awesome, one last taste of the worlds worst food!

I've checked in and paid my exit tax etc and now I know I have to leave Armador with some money or he will be stuck here until they decide to deport him!

I shelled out my last 140 CUC and 100 pesos ( about $150 US) so he can pay his flight change, tax, eat and so he can get the bus in Mexico.

We have agreed to meet at a bar called señor frogs in playa del Carmen tomorrow night at 5pm. I believe he will turn up because I saved his ass but time will tell. Either way I feel really sorry for him and it's not the end of the world if I don't get the cash back. I have all his details anyway, phone number, email, Facebook etc. As I said, drama is Cuba, Cuba is drama!

I checked my passport and I didn't get a stamp to exit, I quickly checked on this and it's fine. It may be better because apparently you have trouble getting back into the US if you have been to Cuba anyway. So I didn't need to change any money back in the end because CUC is useless anywhere else in the world, Armador has it all!

I met a lovely old couple from new Zealand and a sth African guy and his franadian girlfriend while we were waiting who also couldn't wait to leave!

Glad it's not just me. Two of them even work for trafalgar and contiki.

They were listening, mouths agape, as I retold the Armador story. 

I say goodbye to Cuba and can say that this place has a bad energy and a lot of people have agreed with me. I've seen some great parts and some terrible parts to this country. It's like taking a ride in a time machine. With hand on heart I seriously doubt I will ever return.

One last question for Cubana air. Why when the plane is almost empty would you sit complete strangers who are not travelling together right next to each other. Had to laugh because the English guy next to me totally agreed and now we have a row to ourselves. Actually i have almost the entire back end of the plane! The flight is literally get up to altitude and then fly back down again, it's that quick. Bye crazy Cuba and bye bye to the girl across the aisle taking selfies with her blackberry pouting in a souvenir Che Guevara beret. Stay tuned to see if Armador the crazy Mexican returns my money at our rendezvous at señor frogs tomorrow at 5pm!