Making decisions. Each and every one of us makes decisions every day. Whether it be what we want for breakfast that morning, what shoes match with our pants or what to do to fill our day. We pick and choose these things: hoping, praying our decision will make us substantially happy for the time being. But what happens when it comes to making the bigger decisions? The more life altering ones? Different scenarios flirt with our minds and play tug-o-war with our heart. One moment everything seems perfect if you choose option A, but in a split second you could feel the same way about option B or even option C. As humans we tend to ask our friends and family what they think we should do, placing the responsibility in their hands. Why? Why leave your decision up to someone who doesn't know how you are feeling or what, deep, deep down you truly want to do. Why not trust your gut and go with what you believe will truly make you happy. Because that, would be too easy.
Coming to Peru I got the same reaction from everyone. "Wow, that's amazing. You are going to change so much, what a great thing you are doing." Support all around. Not a bad thing to have. But what would happen if I chose to end my "adventure" early. If I came back only having had volunteered at an orphanage for two weeks and worked at a bar for the last 3.5? Of course there's the common, "oh how was your trip? It's okay you came back early, we only want what's best for you. Blah blah blah". But some people would think I gave up, others maybe I'm in a way selfish? Selfish for just wanting the comfort of my old lifestyle back. Selfish for not trying harder to find a new volunteer opportunity to put my all into. My opinion, this trip was not worth it. Not worth the money, the time, the disappointment I feel in myself as well as some will feel in me also. Maybe I haven't given it my all but that was my decision right? Anyways I'm in a predicament. 22 out of the 24 hours in my days here I want to come home. I have a plan and goals when I get back and it seems like it will work out just fine. The other 2 hours of my day I want to stay. Find a new volunteer job where the language is not an obstacle and where I will please all of whom I told "I'm going to Peru for 6 months to work at an orphanage". Why not? Why not stay the full six months and achieve my lofty goal? I could sit here and write a list of pros and cons of leaving and staying and ask for comments below on what I should do, but in the end it comes down to me and what I want, so why is it so damn hard to choose? And why am I writing this on a public site where people want to share their comments and love and support with me. Because that's what us humans do. Yearn for others to make the tough decisions for us. So please, do share. What would you do?