How (Not) to Live in Ireland

Last year I spent four months in Dublin and these are the five most important things I learned by getting it wrong the first time:

LESSON 1: Don’t wear flats to a pub. Chances are, someone will drop their pint sending shards of glass into a ~3 foot radius around them, including into your shoe. You will then step on it and wake up the next morning thinking there is still glass in your foot. If all of this happens, you will then find yourself spending the day with your trip supervisor as he first tries to get the glass out himself (you’ll become fast friends), but eventually gives up and takes you to the doctor. You will also miss a scavenger hunt for this extravaganza. (Not to say I regret our day of bonding, Karl).

LESSON 2: Aldi grocery store does not accept credit/debit cards. Chances are, you and your friends will spend an hour stocking up on food, only to get to the checkout line and learn this lesson too late. You will then have to explain to checkout woman that you only have 15 euro, and can she please just ring things up until she reaches 15? Consequently, the food I now have consists of bread, mayonnaise, pasta sauce, raw chicken, and two cups of yogurt. So if anyone wants a mayonnaise sandwich…


LESSON 3: iPhones aren’t helpful here. People who know where they’re going are. If you choose the iPhone GPS over your confident friend who has been to your final destination before, chances are, you’ll end up in the wrong O’ Donahues pub. Instead of arriving at O’ Donahues: hip pub with live music and young crowd, you’ll end up at O’Donahues: tiny pub with no one under the age of 45. If you’re Michelle, you’ll make friends with some lovely grandparents from California. If you’re anyone else, you’ll quickly pour your freshly ordered cider into a water bottle and flee the awkwardness immediately.

LESSON 4: If you are American, you are automatically eight octaves louder than all other humans. If you think you’re talking normally, you are screaming. If you think you’re whispering, you probably sound almost as quiet as everyone else in this country.

LESSON 5: A little Irish vocab lesson for you: “Pants” mean underwear. “Trousers” mean pants. So when you say to your trip leader who is a 27-year-old male, “Hey Karl, did you have to change your pants to put the wetsuit on?” He might give you a really awkward/confused look and then reply with, “we really need to work on this ‘pants’ vs. ‘trousers’ thing…”