It really is time I left this place. I´ve been here 4 weeks now and realised today this is the closest I have to a home at the moment! The longer I stay, the more I realise the locals (or rather the expats who have settled here) are generally fruitcakes. I sit outside the Yellow Rose day after day overhearing the most random conversations, and its starting to seem completely normal! The other night, Doron and I were sitting in our usual chairs having dinner when a Peruvian guy jumped up and introduced himself, saying he already knew me as "the vet girl". God knows how. Anyway within 5 minutes he´d filled us in on all the (alleged)Iquitos gossip. Apparently he´s in with the government, the police, the drug runners, the owners of local bars and clubs, etc. All well and good then, but why is he blabbing his mouth off to us? He told us some very tall tales, wowed us with his knowledge of local criminals and gave us some advice on how to rip off the locals and acquire property titles using a loophole in the law. Finally after a good 2 hour monologue he got the message and left.
I´ve also been stalked by a Peruvian colonel from the military. He walked past my table the other day, did a double-take and then dramatically stopped and swooned at my (apparently) unbelievable beauty. He took my chin in his hand and very annoyingly shook it around whilst muttering "oh bonita, bonita" then gave me his business card and asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes to cunningly throw him off the scent, but his answer was "oh well, I don´t mind!". Oh really! The next day, same spot (hmm I should find a new hangout) and he´s sitting two tables down. After the owner of the bar spotted him checking me out over the top of his newspaper, he very kindly offered to cut two eyeholes in the paper so he could stalk me more subtly. Thanks Gerald. Then yesterday, again in the Yellow Rose (am I asking for it dya think?!) I´m sitting outside chatting to a couple of Australian guys I just met, when I notice all the bar staff are giggling and pointing at me. I look around, and sure enough there is Lover Boy inside the bar. I groan and look away. Next minute, the bar girl brings over a gift wrapped box with a red rose and informs me he has just settled my bill. Ohmygod. The Aussies are pissing themselves, I´ve gone as red as the rose and have no idea what to do. Its so annoying that a smarmy gesture like that puts us girls in a position where it would be rude to ignore it, but the last person I wanted to smile and talk to was this slime ball! So anyway I did the honourable thing, thanked him for the gift... then legged it.
The final bit of craziness to tip me over the edge was at lunch today. After sitting through a rather tense conversation about money and herbal flea treatments between two Americans, which was just like sitting through a rubbish American sitcom but even less funny, we were then accosted (slight exaggeration but it adds to the story) by two Mormons. I don´t even really know what Mormons are, but I can tell you this - they are weird. Two quite good-looking guys from the States, a little younger than me... and they´re here as missionaries (NOT mercenaries, I always mix those two up) converting all the poor innocent Peruvians to whatever version of the bible they think is right. I mean, whats that about? You´d think they have better things at that age to do with their time. They were really shady about everything, they wouldn´t even reveal their first names so apparently we had to call them both Elder, and they had these plastic smiles pasted on their faces a la Stepford Wives. Anyway when one of the Americans started talking about how she was Jewish and had recently converted to Christianism, I knew I had to get out of there. I just managed to stifle a laugh, grabbed my bag and ran.
Anyway my days here are numbered. One last ceremony tomorrow night with Percy the shaman, then on Saturday I´m off on a 5 day trip into the jungle. At last, a proper adventure on the Amazon with night trips to see jaguars and crocodiles, Christmas day at a remote jungle village somewhere and then back to Iquitos a few days before NYE which should give me enough time to get the hell out of here and head for Mancora, surfer beach paradise on the Peruvian coast :)
