Fear and Loathing in Alberta

I'm sitting on the couch in my pyjamas, watching bad Canadian TV and admiring the sight of snow over the Rockies out of the living room window. It's 7:30pm, and I'm ready for bed. It's not that I'm tired, though. I'm just sad.

I thought being in a new environment with new people experiencing new things would make me happy. Nay, I thought I'd be on top of the world. Truth is that no matter where you go, your emotions follow you. You can escape from your environment, but you can't escape from yourself. Having had problems with my mental health in the past, I naively (and stupidly) thought that leaving my family, my friends and my support network and relocating across the other side of the world would solve all of my problems. When they followed me I felt even worse. Is there something wrong with me, I kept thinking. There must be, for I've got the world in the palm of my hands yet I'm still sad, bored and unstimulated.

Then it hit me: there's nothing wrong with me. I'm human; sometimes I feel good, other times not so good. It is part of the human condition, to have fluctuations with your mood and your mental wellbeing. Don't get me wrong, I haven't felt like this the whole time I've been here. It's only been recently that everything has caught up and I've starting doubting my choices. I originally wasn't going to post this because I wanted everyone to think that I was having the time of my life; I didn't want to disappoint my friends and family and cause them to worry.

But, in saying that, just because one day isn't the best doesn't mean that tomorrow will be the same. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'll be sure to reevaluate where I'm at tomorrow. Yesterday was a good day, as was the day before, and I'm sure tomorrow will be, too.

Being sad is normal, as is being happy, being warm, being cold, being hungry, being full, being thirsty, being lonely, being uncomfortable, being bored, being angry and being on top of the world. Being all of these things is to be human, and as much as I'd like to be an alien sometimes, I am as human as the next person. Homesickness sucks, but I am 100% certain that the feelings will pass and soon enough I'll be as ecstatic as I was when I first arrived.

Don't be afraid of your emotions. Notice them, accept them and embrace them.

It is normal to be sad sometimes, for without sadness, how would we know we were happy?

You may now refer to me as the Dalai Molly (or the Molly Lama. Your choice).