Yohans life and blog of interesting things

Day 3 the epic trip to the French Alps

yohanssimpson — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 06:59:00 GMT

Normal 0 false false false EN-GB X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Day 3 the epic trip to the French Alps

Don't trust the millage estimates on google maps, sometimes it lies...

We drove all day until it started to get dark. We managed to avoid Switzerland which is always good because a) they charge you to get in and b) if we hit Switzerland we had gone too far. We were driving for what seemed like forever and it was getting real dark. The switch backs were getting more frequent and there didn’t seem to be any towns or anything around. We were driving though the French mountains in the dark. We followed the sat nav and half way up a particularly steep bank it said we had reached our destination. I looked around. It was a mountain…. Not so much a campsite. We thought that maybe I wrote the address down wrong, as we looked around in the dark it was a mountain, a church and a graveyard. Luckily behind the church was our campsite.

We put the tent up in the dark, quite well might I add. Then went to sit outside the graveyard to have our supper as there were lights there.

Supper was tasty, we had fake monster munch (monster munch that are more like pom bear crisps but in the shape of ghosts) some baby bell, a piece of flan and some tasty chocolate biscuits. I started to get a bit freaked out at the graveyard because there was howling and all you were surrounded by this enormous mountains. Also our camp section was called camp d’hannibal. I mean what are the odds!

At first I thought that we were going to have quite a good night’s sleep but it turned out ian was sleeping on a giant ant hill and was having sever tooth pains. I banged my shin and was freezing my tits of that night. Yes it gets very cold in the alps at night, even in June!

Ratings for this day include

Virgins tits : two old mans hips

Croissants : 3

Ghosts : 3.5

Day 2 Paris and that.

yohanssimpson — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 06:55:00 GMT

Day 2 Paris and that.

We sure did get lost this day

First of all some things that I forgot to mention in yesterdays blog. My friend Ians has this thing about drinking milk before bed and sometimes its real tricky to find milk, especially in the middle of nee where. So I suggested that maybe we should have brought a small female animal to milk for Ians. The only problem was that I said this while he was drinking zee coffee and he kind of spat boiling hot coffee in his own eyes! Imagine that. In the end we found some milk so there was no need to milk any small animals.

Got lost quite a bit walking around Paris and lots of people tried to direct us, probably because we would stand looking confused with a map. Some people were very helpful but others gave us fake directions. Our stop in Paris was quite short and we were pretty tired so we had tasty tea and headed home. I had posh cheese on toast with salad and that, and Ian had chicken salad. The waiter was very neglectful. The guy who ran the hotel was very helpful.

The next day we had many quests. The first being to dry out our lesbian pants*. We found a laundrette just across from the hotel and bought some tasty croissant type snacks and some coffee and ate our breakfast in the laundrette while we waited for our sweet sweet soon to be dry clothes. When we took the clothes out though Ians vest had melted. This was his special keeping him warm vest. We also found that his glasses had been in his pocket and now looked like they had been mangled by some giant robot mangling dog type thing. We managed to pop the lenses back in but they kept falling out and we decided that they would probably need electrical tape.

My jeans also shrank a little which made them very tight. Along with my huge motorbike boots I felt very German that day. We decided then that we should try and avoid situations where we somehow lose or ruin/melt our clothes and have to buy ball gowns and Nazi uniforms from charity shops to wear for the rest of the trip.

Breakfast was tasty and it was quite sunny so even after melting some of the clothes we were in reasonably high spirits and we set off for the alps.

It turns the alps are a lot further from Paris then we thought. Especially the campsite we booked. We were thinking maybe 270 miles. It was more like 420 miles, and so the underestimation of our journeys began.

Ratings for this day include

Virgins tits : 5

Croissants : 3

Ghosts : 3.5

Day 1 the start of the trip York to London

yohanssimpson — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 05:22:00 GMT

Day 1 the start of the trip York to London

Turns out our waterproofs are not so waterproof after all.....

Yohans and Ians set off on a Euro adventure, with Len (the motorbike). The trip length is 3 weeks, planned millage 3,000…..

We actually spent some time planning this trip, as far as a start and end date with a few places to stay along the way. In the past when I have travelled with my old chum Ians planning has not always been our strong point. We therefore felt quite prepared. Ians had just come back from the states a few days earlier and had taken Len along the old route 66.

As we were planning I wrote down useful pieces of information such as the address and dates of where we were staying, contact numbers etc. However I seemed to misplace this piece of paper and Ians computer had broken the day before wiping off all the information. We discovered the day before that we didn’t actually have any record of where we were meant to be going on what date, not even a rough guess of what country.

After searching various emails we managed to work out what we had booked and where. I decided from now on we needed something reliable to write these important informations down in, I found a cool leather bound unicorn note book my flatmate had given me. It was perfect. How could we go wrong with the unicorn book!

Armed with the unicorn book we decided to do a last minute check of things like passports and ferry/train times. The plan was that Ians was going to come up Saturday night and we would set off Sunday morning to London for the euro star. Upon checking the information we found out that we were actually mean to be getting the Euro star on Saturday. Luckily we managed to change the train date and we set off Monday as we had already booked our first nights accommodation in Paris Monday night. I think this start to the trip was a sign, a sign that nothing was going to run quite as smoothly as planned.

That Friday night Dave came to stay which was really cool and he waved us off Saturday night after feasting on some pretty tasty Thai food.

7pm Saturday night, and off we set. Not a cloud in the sky…..

Of course it didn’t stay like that for long and we soon discovered that our waterproofs were not so waterproof after all. For some reason when riding a motorbike the first thing to get wet is the old crotch! Then the knees. I still remember that awful feeling of freezing cold water seeping into my crotch area. There is nothing quite like it.

The weather was horrendous pretty much all the way there. We decided to stop off at a rather rage service station for some moral boosting snacks and a coffee. This was around 11pm I think. We opted for a KFC. Ians ordered some kind of chicken with bones and I asked for the ‘mini breasts’ note the use of the s after breast indicating that there is more than one. What I actually got was one mini breast and some fries. I tried to go and complain but the lady at the counter didn’t seem to understand that I was in fact expecting multiple breasts and tried to sell me additional breasts. In the end I gave up and skulked back to my seat to eat my one measly breast.

We set off again and as we put on our helmets it started to rain. After hours and a cheeky little petrol stop the sat nav final said that we had arrived at our destination. For some reason I had in my head that our hotel was called imotep. It was infact called ibis or something.

Although the sat nav said we had arrived all we could see was an industrial estate with a few very skedgy houses. Upon further investigation the ibis was round the corner and down a rather rapey looking ally. We checked in and dried off.

Throughout this trip there will be certain ratings. How soft the pillows were is rated on a scale of 1-5 and the symbol for this is breasts. This comes from the saying pillows as soft as the breasts of virgins. If the pillows are really bad then negative numbers up to – 5 are represented by old man hips.

The food is rated 1-5 with a picture of a croissant. And our spirits are rated 1-5 with little ghosts. I will see if there is a way of uploading them to the blog but I’m not quite sure how yet so for now I will just write them at the bottom of each page.

Needless to say that night in the ibis was pretty rage. I noticed just before we put the lights out that there were a couple of cheeky little wall type fleas next to Ians bed. This made me chuckle a bit because they were not next to me. I documented them in the unicorn book and will try and upload the picture later.

The pillows were not so soft and the breakfast was full of rages and a little kid that felt my butt! The coffee was alright though

Ratings for this day include

Virgins tits : 2

Croissants : 2

Ghosts : 2

Photos: me and my friends and things

yohanssimpson — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 05:02:00 GMT

photos of me and my friends or the sky or other things I quite like