After a year

nesrin — Fri, 13 Nov 2015 07:16:00 GMT

I have been enjoying the brief moments of enlightenment (if you can call it that) lately. The moments that come naturally with the flow of life. Life has been recreated on the roads for me for the last year. With every new destination came new emotions, that cannot be put into words easily. Writing this piece in a "Grand Taxi" on the way to the High Atlas mountains, Morocco. Almost one year of traveling… Just when I start thinking that I am ready to settle and a little tired of changing locations, I get that tingly feeling that tells me how lucky I am to be here at this very moment.

All kinds of feeling 'arise and fall' -as Ajahn Chah puts it in his book- living on the road. Conditions change constantly but always something good comes along as far as I can manage to listen to my feelings and trust the flow. The road thought me that everything in transient; feelings, conditions, people. This is hard to embrace sometimes, but gives me the greatest relief of my life also. I don't have to control what happens next, I don't have to love what happens next. But that is OK! This is life and how I feel about it is mostly my perception and nothing else.

As I am approaching the little village Imlil, the scenery resembles more and more of Nepal. I feel like I am on a circle going round and round. But each time I pass the same point, it feels fresh and new. The best things cannot be put in the words - at least not by me- This is just a vague attempt to capture the moment.

Photos: Profile

nesrin — Sun, 11 Jan 2015 15:04:00 GMT

Path to Decision

nesrin — Thu, 8 Jan 2015 15:02:00 GMT

It feels so good to finally say "I don't know exactly. May be three months, may be more, we'll see!" when people ask me for how long I am traveling. Before, the answer would be, and it always has been; "just two weeks, becauseI need to go back to work".

One morning, after 6 years of corporate life, I finally said to myself with the highest confidence possible " That's it, I am quitting my job and going to travel!". Now I am in the country of the long white clouds, infinite green fields and probably the loveliest people on earth. Now this is my 3rd day in New Zealand and I am writing on a bus to Taipei. I have never been on a ride this beautiful. So beautiful that I do not even want to take pictures, but just to enjoy the ride. I will have stories about my travel advantures here, later. But first, before forgetting all about it, I just want to write about the path to my decision and what happened until now.

I had my mind and heart on traveling for more than 5 years now. I have been working in corporate life. Ever since I have had a 9-day road trip on the Balkanians, another window opened on my mind. I have met so many people on the road, they were all Europeans who were traveling, just traveling. One couple got on a 6 month honeymoon trip; they would pass Europe, Turkey, Georgia with the car, then sell it on Iran and keep going up to India. "What a honeymoon" I thought!! Then became good friends with these people and met with them in Istanbul. Another group, on their bikes they were going to Istanbul, and one of them would even go further and try to reach Gaza. Inspiring and shocking for me at the time. I came across many more inspiring travel stories on the following years.

Exactly 1,5 years ago, I changed my job. In between two jobs, I went to far East with a close friend. There I met this French guy. He was in Australia for two years and then went on to Asia. I said to him "you are living my dream". He told me "just live it yourself, nobody is stopping you" I laughed cause I had a job, responsibilities. I was so bored of myself. Just traveling 2 weeks in a row, and never getting enough of it. Then we became more that friends, he came visiting me in Istanbul, we traveled together in France and then finally in South America. All the time we were long-distance together, we dreamt about traveling together. He was my muse, he was my courage. Over the last summer we fell apart. My decision came along right around that time. After that i felt like he was in my life for a very sacred mission. Our story was so beautiful and ironic. We have waited for this day to come, and the moment I let go of all my boundaries and limitations, we fell apart. There were more mystical things happening in my life around that time, but may be I will write about them some other time.

I knew the biggest challenge would be to tell my parents, which really was. I come from a traditional Turkish family, that I love with all my heart. My parents are very loving towards their kids. I am the youngest and the only single child, so no matter how old I am, I know they would worry about me and be protective. I know that in western cultures what I was about to do is not a big deal that people leave for traveling a long time and it is usually encouraged. But this is not common at all in my country. People were surprised, my parents were a bit disappointed and had trouble understanding my motivation for doing such a "crazy" thing. I care dearly about my parents feelings and it was one of the reasons that delayed my decision. But I came to a certain point that staying was not an option for me. Staying where I was at the time, was not helping me or the people who loved me. Once my loved ones realized that my motivation was honest, they were really supportive. I was not escaping reality, I was not running away from my life, I just really needed to go on this journey. I had to change, I had to reconnect with myself, with nature, with other people. I had to have different experiences, different lives. My friends, my family, my work bodies, even managers were so supportive which gave me some confidence. People often said that I was making everybody's dream come true.

Up until I got on the plane, I was not sure if I would go through with this decision. Getting closer to the day, I was getting more and more nervous. I was saying good-bye to people and everybody was making me feel like I was doing such a big and crazy thing. I started asking myself "am I really crazy? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I be like other people?" The last day, I was just paralyzed. I even thought about not going. All the questions kept bugging me "Is it safe? Am I gonna be miserable? Am I gonna spend so much money? What if something happens to me when I am there! What if something happens in Turkey and I am in the other end of the world!? What if I have a problem at the plane, a panic attack or something?" Thank god I was with my good close friends who gave me all the courage and support that I needed. My friend said "What is the worst thing that would happen? So you don't like it and you come back and we wait for you with open arms" I left my friends an cousin at the airport and walked to the gate, still a bit nervous. Then I got on the plane started moving, we left the ground, and everything was just fine…

HappyOnTheRoad

After a year

Photos: Profile

Path to Decision