Not all who wander are lost.

Here we go again...

mequinn — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 15:02:00 GMT

I leave for Central America in 8 hours, my second trip to Belize to work as a health education volunteer. People keep asking if I’m excited – I’m getting there, Once work starts and I get busy, I’ll be happy.

So, get ready for more tails of adventures in the developing world…. Here we go again!

Goodbye

mequinn — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 12:46:00 GMT

I cannot believe that I am leaving in 4 days. The place that I have called home for nearly 6 months, I will leave and return to normal life; winter in the Midwest. Life down here as taught to appreciate the small things; a smile from a child, clean water, shoes, a women’s laugh. Things that I took for granted back home. Things I would have never thought twice about having. It is one thing to learn something in a text book or discuss in a classroom, and a completely separate thing to live it. To understand life here by reading my words, is impossible. No matter how hard I try to capture the essence of this place, I will never give it justice. I am not poet, artist or storyteller. I am just one person who has been forever changed by place that has changed hundreds.

I once wrote that I was “scared that I’m not strong enough to make it” Now I know, I am strong enough. I always have been, I just lacked the faith in myself to see it. Now, I understand what kind of a person I am, what I am made of. There will always be fear, and doubt – but that’s just life. We can’t be happy, cheerful and confident all time. That would get annoying.

Although I am sad to leave this place –I know that I am leaving behind more than what I came with. Toys, sewing needles, construction paper, and health brochures are props – ways to grab attention, get people to come and see what you have. It’s the stuff that they leave with – even if it is just half of what you said – the knowledge to help save their lives and the lives of their children is so much more than I can even begin to describe. I only hope, that everyone in their lives gets a chance to feel what I have felt working here – to feel that what you do in your life is important, that one person can improve whatever little corner of the world you end up in. That the passion that you hold inside yourself that you thought would take you nowhere, can make a difference in another human life and take you on the journey that in your most imaginative dreams – you could never see.

Dr. Megan

mequinn — Sat, 8 Dec 2007 16:44:00 GMT

Vagina Warrior

mequinn — Wed, 5 Dec 2007 00:01:00 GMT

I am a vagina warrior; a feminist, humanist, women, daughter and sister. I think that all humans are equal in worth, that no ethnicity, education level, gender, economic status or religion is better than any other. For this, I have been called many things; Fem-Nazi, granola, bitch, communist, man-hater, tree-hugger, lesbian, socialist, and yes, even cunt. All in a negative connotation, even though some of the names I place on myself. I am proud of who I am, what I believe in and what I fight for.

I have a silver medallion that says “Vagina Warrior” (thanks Kali Rae). I wear around my neck as a badge of honor, to make people stare and ask questions. Its really is a great conversation (and argument) starter. My dad gave me the ‘look’ when he first saw it, the “where did you come from and are we really related” look. I get the same look from other relatives when I wear my ‘Gay? Fine by me’ shirt, that I got at pride last year. I intentionally wear it when I know I will be seeing my conservative relatives. Is it to be arebel, piss them off? I don’t know. More than anything its fun to see their faces, and then having my mum give me the ‘you know better than to antagonize them’ look.

My freshman year of university I read the Allegory of the Cave for La 101. With the first reading I had no idea what was happening in the story, something about shadows on a wall and walking into the sunlight. I remember being completely confused, and only after asking my roommate (thanks again, Kali Rae) did I understand the story. If you haven’t read the story, you should, it really changed my outlook and understanding of life. It may be a simple story to some - a ‘duh’ in their minds – but for me, it made so many things clear, and helped me to understand the differences in people, and why, no matter how hard we may try to help someone ‘see the light’ , all they can see is what they already know – the shadows on the wall.

I used to get upset when my cousins and family would put me down for what I said, what book I was reading or what buttons I had on my jacket. I soon realized, that it didn’t matter what they thought of me. All that mattered was what I thought of myself, how I viewed myself. It took time for me to understand that, and I know that there people much older than I, that still cannot grasp that idea.

Before coming to Belize, I got negative reactions from some, those who could not, or would not understand what I wanted to do. At first I was upset and would easily get into debates (or arguments) then I realized, I didn’t have to answer to them. I didn’t need to explain why I wanted to do volunteer work instead of rushing off to Grad school. Why I wanted to help Mayan women in rural Toledo instead of working with lower income white women in St. Louis; its for my own reasons, and no matter how hard I try to explain them, even to people who encourage and support me, to express the feelings I have working toward development work and changing someone’s life – I don’t have words for.

Gallery: Women's Health Forum

mequinn — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 08:56:00 GMT

Gallery: Garifuna Settlement Day

mequinn — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:37:00 GMT

Gallery: Guatamala Trip

mequinn — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:14:00 GMT

TDC and MOH

Garifuna Settlement Day.

mequinn — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:39:00 GMT

The celebration for the 19th started on the 17th. You could tell that something was happening, drums could be heard from all over PG, a tell-tale sign that the Garifuna community was celebrating. Saturday started the 16 days of Activism done ere in the Caribbean and all over the world. There was the 3rd annual Torch Run, sponsored by WIN-Belize and Plenty, started here in PG and will travel throughout the 6 districts and end in BZE City. The goal of the run is to end Gender-Based Violence and Discrimination against persons with HIV/AIDS. I got to pass out flyers and condoms (something I love to do) assist with the run and then got to eat lunch which consisted of Hodut and fish soup (very tasty) Later that night I went out and saw drumming at the community building and then headed out to the clubs with all the young people. Partying here in Belize is hard core, I thought it was rough in college. You start out around 8pm with the live drumming the head to the clubs and bars until dawn. Go home and sleep, then head out again to repeat the process. Sunday morning, you walk from whatever club or bar you have been at all night, join in the parade to church, sit through a Garifuna Mass then go home and sleep. Like I said, hardcore. The weekend was a blast. The drumming is absolutely amazing to hear and see, it is such an event. The food is great and the sense of cultural pride from the Garifuna community is enough to make you jealous.

Let's talk about sex.

mequinn — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 08:23:00 GMT

It has been over 5 months since I have been able to talk about sex. That’s a long time to not talk about condoms, lubricants, orgasm’s, safer sex and at all the other fun things that have to do with sex. Mind you, the conversation that I finally had down here was nothing compared to the chats I had at AXO or at DCAP with my fellow interns, but it’s a start. After my first Mother Support Group, I walked onto the clinics veranda after hearing laughing and giggling. A small group of women, about 5 or 6, were standing and laughing at a brochure one held in her hand. When I asked what was so funny, the women got shy, but finally one spoke up; “is this real?” pointing to a photo of a severe case of Chlamydia on the sheet. Imagine gross, flesh colored cauliflower growths on a penis. There is your mental image. When I told them that is was a bad, untreated case of an STI they stopped laughing. I chatted with the women about the various STI’s that affect men and women, the importance of using condoms and that having few sexual partners helps decrease your chance of contracting an STI, and answered questions for them. It was decided that my next Women’s Support Group would cover women’s bodies and their sexual health, since, I am told, very few women in the villages know about their bodies. So, that was my sex chat. Nothing as exciting as condoms on a banana or taste testing flavored lubricant, but, it was a huge step for the women of my village. To have the courage to ask and to overcome the fear of knowing.

8 weeks left.

mequinn — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 01:39:00 GMT

They always say that ‘time goes by fast’. First, how do they know that? Does it always go fast? What about when time goes slow? Like in lectures, work or traffic. Second, who are ‘they’? In Elizabethtown this very subject was broached by the lead characters, but I don’t remember the conclusion to the conversation. But seriously, who are ‘they’? Are ‘they’ supreme beings that know all? Our parents or grandparents? Or just people who think they know all and mess it up for the rest of us. Why do ‘they’ always say things that we believe or put stock in. There should be an investigation into ‘them’.

No matter what ‘they’ say, my time in Belize has flown by and gone south for the winter. It’s actually gotten chilly here, the mid 60’s, which will be nothing compared to when I get home to the Midwest in December.

Why does it seem there is never enough time? ‘They’ probably said that too, but just as I am getting assimilated to my life here, times up. There is still so much to do and see, and I worry that I will miss some great, life changing experience. Strangely enough, when I first arrive in the country, my biggest concern was surviving here. I thought that I wouldn’t be strong enough to be on my own. The biggest shock in my life (so far) is that I am. I am a strong, passionate, resourceful person, who can do what I put my mind to. I know that I will never be the International Spy that I wanted to be as a kid, or President of the United States (who really wants that job? You have to wear a suit all the time.) But, I can make a difference, save lives, have adventures, be happy and content with who and what I am. That is something that I thought I would never find, contentment with my life. I always wanted more, wanted better, wanted bigger – the thing was, I want more money, more stuff, more action in life. I realize now, that I still want more, better and bigger things. They have just changed into more experiences, better lives for people around me, bigger changes, chances and opportunities.

Dirt.

mequinn — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 01:42:00 GMT

Doing laundry by hand sucks, whether it’s scrubbing it on a large stone table, a rock in the river, or in a bucket on the back porch. Clothes here get SO filthy. I don’t know how women in the past did it. I have to wash my own clothes, and some of the kids and it about breaks my back and arms.

Scrubbing out stains with dish soap, using rainwater to rinse, and hanging the clothes on rope, wire with pins and laying them out on zinc pieces to dry before the next rain comes. I knew, coming to Belize, that I would appreciate home and the luxuries there – and boy, do I miss the washer and dryer.

Dirt is everywhere. In the air, the water, floor, furniture - everywhere. It’s said that when you live so close to the earth, you’re bound to get some dirt. Makes sense, but its annoying as hell. It’s like living outside, Ants run over everything, in the bathroom, kitchen, in your bed. Flies are all over, biting and buzzing, driving you crazy. You can’t keep anything clean, and I constantly feel like I need to take a shower.

Whether it is being at home or at the clinic; which is even worse, the roads to San Antonio as complete crap, and when you ride in the back of the truck (like I do) you get to work looking like you have been dragged to work, so looking professional is left to people who work in nice, clean places. I don’t mind it too much, I wear capris, tank tops and sandals to work, the uniform of a development worker.

Gallery: Caye Kayak

mequinn — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 09:24:00 GMT

snorkeling trip

Belizean Food.

mequinn — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 13:35:00 GMT

In my stew tonight, there was okra, chicken neck, potatoes, throat pieces, green and red peppers, breadfruit, chicken feet, and noodles. Did you catch all the random chicken bits? When I first got to Belize, all of my host mom’s were very careful not to give Lex and I chicken hearts, fish heads, cow foots, pig tail – all the food that seems weird to eat and hard to digest.

I have found that, the longer I am in Belize the more comfortable people are to give me ‘Belizean delicacies’ Stews here, remind me of the Stone Soup book I read in elementary school, throwing in anything, including stones (yes, I have had soup with stones in it) BBQ seems to be a international feast, only here its not just chicken or beef, but any game meat that can be caught in the jungle or speared in the reefs (i.e. rodents, conch, squid, and other small animals that, I do not want to try and guess their origin) Seaweed is made into smoothies here, and resemble glue and slime with a hint of lime and pepper flavor.

No longer does Eva screen my soup when she hands it to me, hence the chicken ‘bits’. Ms. WeWe feels comfortable to give me chicken and cow heart, and is surprised when I make a face or comment. I know that all of these things are edible, that people all over the world eat them everyday, and even covet those who dine on Cow Foot stew or Gibnut innards, when they themselves cannot – still, it makes me cringe.

With all the new flavors and smells I have encountered in Belize, the strange and scary, the familiar and comforting, the food in itself has been an experience all in its own.

Gallery: Punta Gorda

mequinn — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:50:00 GMT

Being a role model: A rant at 3am

mequinn — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 14:25:00 GMT

I have never thought of myself as a role model. It may have been some fantasy of mine, to be looked up to, revered in some way – but I have never used the title to describe myself.

In the past week, I have become a nanny, big sister, emotional support, homework helper, “get up a 5 am to get things ready for them to go to school”, “teach them right from wrong” kind of gal. My Belize Mum (Eva) has had the responsibility of three grandchildren throw at her this month. Raising 5 babies on her own, it’s no big challenge, except that she is now 55, director of 3 clinics that serve 26 communities and is host and teacher to a white girl who is still learning the ropes of development work.

Being the ‘little helper’ that I am, I volunteered to come to PG and help with the kids. I did this thinking that I owed Eva, as she feeds me and houses me on the weekends, sponsors my little trips to civilization. I am not known for being good with kids. Patience is not a virtue that I own.

Zoey and I fight and vie for my parent’s attention all the time, both of us thinking that we are the important one. Most the time when I am around small kids, I just want to throttle them or run away. However, I find that the situation that these 3 are in, calls for more from me. The story is too long to tell, and frankly, I am tired of talking about it – just know that these kids need love, support and stability.

In the mornings, I get up at 5:30am, help pack lunch kits, iron uniforms and get breakfast set out. When the girls, Daneesha, 8, and Ireva, 3, wake , I bathe them, dress them in their uniforms, help plait their hair, feed them and throw on cartoons so I can bathe the baby, Obeja, 1 ½ , dress him and feed him. When ever one is settled, I shower, dress, grab a bite, and get the kids to the ride that takes them to the baby sitters.

To most of you, at least those of you reading who are parents, you are probably laughing and thinking “oh, sweet revenge!” But, remember, I am a 22 year old college graduate, who thinks that Irish Carbomb’s are a good idea , spoiled, sorority girl, and completely unknowing of the ‘joys’ of parenting. This is tough. I came to make a difference, complained that I couldn’t see any results in my work. Well, I do now.

Ireva talks now, unlike when she first came to stay with Eva. Obeja smiles, laughs and is learning new words everyday. Daneesha – well, Dan is tougher. She is old enough to understand what is going on with her family, but how do you explain to a 8 year old her parents don’t want her? Dan is making friends and opening up about what is happening. Sharing her feelings on her mum and dad, along with living with her grandmother, but the pain and resentment is in her eyes.

I don’t understand how I can be there for these children, who aren’t even family- yet; I can’t be there for my own niece and nephew. I know that I am short with them, and I don’t call enough or play enough with them. I act this way at times – but they are everything to me. I would change all of my plans and goals for my life to raise them.

Funny thing is, I don’t believe that my family thinks I could. They say “you have plans for your life” and “you don’t have to take on extra obligations”. My translation: “Do you really think you can lug the kids to the middle of Africa or whatever Godforsaken place you go and try to save the world” and “ your not going to be able to make enough to care for them.

A bit of a stretch? Maybe. I do have a flair for the dramatic, its one of my flaws. I have many of them, we all do. I have no preconception that I am perfect, angelic (far from it) or anything special. I want to be a good person. Make a difference in the world. Be somebody to someone.

Most of all, I want to live a good life, be happy and healthy, and when everything is said and done, and it’s the final curtain call, be able to say; “Damn, that was fun.”

Civilization and Grey’s

mequinn — Tue, 2 Oct 2007 04:48:00 GMT

I really shouldn’t complain about being in an un-civilized place, I watched CSI and Grey’s this week. When I was planning to come down to Belize, while amidst the packing, preparing and comforting my mum – one of my concerns was that I was going to miss CSI and Grey’s. Call it shallow; I mean, I was coming down to a developing world to help teach and make lives better, but I can’t rid myself of all my American culture and upbringing. Watching TV on Thursday night was like being home. Watching Grey’s on Eva’s couch, I thought of all my sorority sisters gathered in the TV room on our big red couches hanging on to Mc. Dreamy and Meredith’s every word. Freaking out when George told Izzy he loved her too, and waiting in suspense, for what would happen when Christina and Burke saw each other. I felt close to my sisters, even though we are miles apart. It may sound silly and ridiculous to most, but Thursday night was the closest I felt to home in awhile. My host mother Eva, sat with me during CSI. I tried to explain the significance to the show to her –but I think it was lost. I have watched the show for over 6 years, and 10 minutes of commentary by me didn’t do much for her. She laughed when I yelled at the TV, giggled when I freaked out when I thought one of the characters was dead and laughed even harder when I told her how my sisters and I would gather, almost 30 people crammed into the TV room to watch Grey’s or CSI. Since Lex left, I have lost my last outlet to my culture. When I speak in American English, hardly anyone understands. The Mayans I work with don’t get my jokes or sarcasm, talking about books is impossible and as for life experiences – there is little in common. I am trying to learn this culture of submission, silences, and corn tortillas. Trying to understand, be open, and offer what I can of my own culture to teach others who want to know. I have given up so much – willing. I gave up so much to travel here and do this work, and I am not sorry. No regret in life as it is too short. But, I do miss things in my life; talking with friends and family, driving, Thai food, the Lodge, my AXO sisters, washers and dryers, Route 44 Cherry Limeades and a bed that is not made of wood slats and a mat. I gladly give all these things up, to be here and do this work. Surviving down here is not hard, but most of the time it is a challenge. At least I have Grey’s and CSI to help me survive.

Teeth

mequinn — Tue, 2 Oct 2007 04:30:00 GMT

I need to vent about teeth. Dental hygiene, tooth brushes, floss – it’s like none of these things exists down here. The two year old I live with has both front teeth rotting, due to the amount of sugar, sweets and chips his grandmother gives him. How can my brushing his teeth twice a day combat that? I had out toothbrushes and talk with kids and mothers about the importance of healthy teeth, and when the mothers smile back I see missing teeth, black holes or gold fillings.

That seems to be a fashion accessory here, the women I live with; Ms. WeWe has gold stars on her front top teeth to cover the holes that are there. I realize that dental hygiene is not at the top of the survival list – but it is so painful to see young kids with missing teeth or when they smile, you can see the rot that has eaten their back teeth.

Last week, a boy came to the clinic after an accident at the school. He fell and busted his lips and the fall, pushed his two front teeth back into his gums. When the teacher brought him in, he was covered in blood and crying. The blood is understandable, but it was a shock to see a Mayan male child cry. Except for the babies, boys are told that they cannot cry and usually are punished if they do. (At least, this is how it is in my village) Brandon, the child, had is mouth rinsed and cleaned by Handa and myself and was then referred to the dentist in PG. When his mother came, she spoke with the Doctor, got the referral then came for Brandon in triage. Sitting with him, I looked into his mouth again and saw that the two teeth pushed back were odd in color and had signs of decay. Maybe getting the teeth pulled would be for the best.

Needless to say…it was an experience.

From a world were most have perfect, straight, white teeth – it is a change to see the Mayan world of dental hygiene.

Issues with the Foreigners

mequinn — Tue, 2 Oct 2007 04:27:00 GMT

It’s been busy at the clinic these past weeks. Health Education (which is me) has developed a De-Licing program for all 26 communities we serve, offering education and treatment needed to school age children. It is hard to get people in the clinic to help when its not there area, but being a health service, you would think it was ALL in their areas. The rural health nurse, who is supposed to be like a boss, thinks her only job at the clinic is to give injections. When in reality, the RHN is to provide Maternal Child Health, triage and emergency services to the clinic and villagers at all times. That is impossible, as she refuses to live in San Antonio. A “wasteland, with flies, mosquitoes and poor Mayans” she calls it. Her idea of paradise is Africa, where there is nothing wrong, no one is hungry or sick, and all are wealthy. Have you seen the news? That is not the image I get of Darfur, Uganda or any other number of countries in Africa. I think she needs to have her head checked.

We are having a staff problem in San Antonio. The Cubans are sneaking and plotting and the Nigerians are whinny and big complainers. It amazes me that we are all in the health field, yet on most days, helping people is the farthest thing from their minds. I know that it is my naïve mind that thinks we should all help out humanity and put others in need above ourselves – I know that I am in the minority. Even the administration of the Primary Care Providers is skewed. Some trying to help the rural communities and others are trying to deepen their pocketbooks and compete with their co-workers. It is a crazy world we live in.

Oh, another problem in the clinic is the obsessive, hard to understand, manipulative, God-complexed pharmacist. When Alexis was here, he would profess his love to her everyday. Talking to her about life, and how destiny brought her here to Belize for him. Now that she is gone, his attention has turned to me. It’s like having a controlling parent or obsessed boyfriend that hovers around you all the time. Asking what you are doing, where are you going, why are you going there, who will be there… AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Luckily, Eva (my boss) and I get to have a good laugh about the week’s events every weekend when I come to PG and stay with her. My own mum back home doesn’t like him and Eva has joined in that opinion. The best defense, I have found, is to use my American sarcasm, confidence and attitude to combat him. To him, women are to be soft spoken, submissive and meek. None of which are in my personality and I find adding a bit of ‘Diva” helps keep him away.

Fungus, Parasites and Bugs - Oh My!

mequinn — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 07:42:00 GMT

I believe I have intestinal worms - along with a fungal infection in my right ear, and a plethora of bites, scraps and bruises from the village. It all started with what I thought was a simple ear infection. I swim in the sea every weekend, so it makes sense that I would get one (I’m the queen of ear infections, ask anyone) the first doctor gave me amoxicillin and Tylenol for a week. A week later, the second doctor gave me Cephelexin ( a stronger antibiotic) and naproxen, again, for a week. My last doctor I saw during Hurricane Felix told me that I did not have an infection, but a fungus in my ear. This explains why the pain pills and antibiotic didn’t work, I needed an anti-fungal medicine. However, with the hurricane coming labs could not reach Belize City to determine what type of fungus I have.

Here I am almost 4 weeks later with the same itching and pain that I have had since Hurricane Dean, that’s TWO hurricanes ago!

I can’t do much for the bites and bruises, except to use aloe and Benadryl. The parasites or intestinal worms will be ‘flushed out’ with a single dosage of Albenzenol, the worm medicine we hand out to the villagers like candy every time they visit.

Oh the fun I have in the Jungle!

Gallery: Ladyville

mequinn — Fri, 7 Sep 2007 09:35:00 GMT