mo·bile

My Travel Writing Scholarship 2011 entry - My Big Adventure

lisamorrison — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 14:02:42 GMT

Clamping my lips together, I squint into the swirling russet dust. Rivulets of sweat run down my face and back. My palms grip the handlebars tightly, as my wrists and elbows are constantly jarred by jagged chunks of gravel that form this rough track. Lifting my eyes from the fist-sized rocks beneath my front tyre, I look at my surroundings.

Sheaths of luminescent green leaves sprout from sodden soil in precise rows.

A bent figure, deep in the rice field, tending to his crop.

A young, bare-footed boy herding cattle with a thin stick.

Buffalo gaze unblinkingly with inky, long-lashed eyes; jaws incessantly circling.

Cesious mist clings to limestone outcrops, looming up from the distant horizon.

Basic shelters - woven bamboo platform and roof - provide the only reprieve from the relentless heat of the sun.

This is rural, northern Laos.

Suddenly, the high pitched whine of my motorised bicycle is joined by a deep, rhythmic, thumping. Lurching toward me is a vehicle.
As it nears, I see an old man astride a single-axle, two-wheeled tractor.
Five others perch upon the attached trailer. Their faces are concealed by chequered scarves; long sleeved pants and shirts render them androgynous.
I lift my hand in greeting. They nudge each other shyly and stare as they pass. When I glance back over my shoulder, four faces peer back at me.

Approaching a tiny village, I see Dan surrounded by naked children.
"Sa bai dee!" "Sa bai dee!", they squeal excitedly as I roll to a stop. "Sa bai dee!" I exclaim, as we exchange smiles.
They cluster together nervously, dark eyes darting from our strange bicycles, to our red faces, incredulously.

"Naam?", we ask hopefully.

After crossing the murky Mekong River into Laos, we decided to follow a rough path running parallel to the river, rather than take the highway through the Bokeo province.

But now, only a few hours from sundown, we are covered in dust, tired and out of water.

"Naam?", we repeat, miming drinking from a bottle. The troupe of children exchange quizzical looks, then push one of the smaller boys in the direction of a nearby hut.

He returns, grinning, with an older boy who is carrying something: a plastic container, cut in half, full of water.

Dan and I look at each other. Thoughts race through my mind. Where has the water come from? Is it safe to drink? I'm so thirsty... Will I get sick? How far away is a sealed bottle of water?

Dan solves my internal dilemma by accepting the container. We all stare as he lifts it to his lips, tilts, and gulps the liquid. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he offers it to me. With a deep breath, I drink the dubious-looking water.

As I lower the vessel from my mouth, the youngsters begin squealing, clapping and laughing. Huge toothy grins split their faces, as they clap their small hands in delight and stamp their feet in the dirt.

Mother Mekong Under Threat

lisamorrison — Sat, 8 May 2010 16:44:00 GMT

Having crossed the mighty Mekong River by bridge and water taxi in Thailand and travelled down it by slow boat and tube in Laos, I have learnt that 'The Mekong River' translates to 'Mae Nam Khong' in Thai - 'Mae' meaning 'Mother', 'Nam' meaning 'Water'. Hence, "the Mother River".

However, I didn't know before reading the Bangkok Post recently, that the Mother River is under threat. Here is the link to the article that first alerted me to the dire situation: http://www.bangkokpost.com/news/investigation/35196/change-comes-to-the-mighty-mekong

Certainly concerning reading. Wikipedia has a good map that shows the path the Mekong winds from Tibet, through China, Burma, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam, where it rests, here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mekong

Millions of South East Asians rely on the Mekong for their livelihoods. I have some into direct contact with local Thais and Lays who generate their incomes by fishing, irrigation for crops, hiring tubes for tubing, transporting tourists and locals across or down the river by various watercraft, bathing and swimming in its depths, collecting fresh water for drinking and cooking, as well as any other water activity you can think of.

I have paraphrased Thai tourism websites regarding flora and fauna found within the Mekong River, and the environmental concerns in the following sections:

BIODIVERSITY:
The Mekong is one of the richest areas of biodiversity in the world - only the Amazon boasts a higher level of biodiversity, and the Mekong beats this number by biodiversity per unit area.
No other river is home to so many species of large fish. The biggest include the giant river carp, which can grow up to 1.5 metres and weigh 70 kilograms, the Mekong Freshwater Stingray, which can have a wingspan of up to 4.3 metres, the giant pangasius, Siamese giant carp and the endemic Mekong giant catfish, all three of which can grow up to 3 metres in length and weigh 300 kilograms. All of these are in serious decline, because of damming and overfishing.

One species of freshwater dolphin, the Irrawaddy Dolphin, was once common in the whole of the Lower Mekong but is now very rare, being found only in the tributaries of the 4000 Islands in Laos. The endangered Siamese Crocodile is also reported to occur along the Mekong but is even rarer.

ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS:
The most current issues affecting the are the recent droughts due to climate change, the construction of dams in the rivers north, and the blasting of rapids by which to do so.

In response to these concerns, the Mekong River Commission - a panel of the representatives from all the nations that the Mekong passes through, except China and Burma who refuse to join to date - has been formed. Made up of officials, environmentalists, scientists and concerned citizens, the MRC have accused China of blatantly disregarding the nations downstream in its plans to dam the river to generate hydro-electricity. However, China is also feeling the impact of the low water levels, with a reported 24 million people in its southwest short of drinking water.

China has already completed three of these hydro-power dams, with another twelve in stages of consideration and progress. Since the building of the first dam, many river-dwelling species have become endangered, water levels are at their lowest in 50 years, the turnover of catchment at Chiang Rai port is less than a quarter of previous years, and crossings from Chiang Rai (Thailand) to Luang Prabang (Laos) have lengthened from 8 hours to 2 days due to inadequate water levels.

Personally, I have witnessed water restrictions in cities and tour operators loss of income by way of water activities such as tubing, bamboo and white water rafting due to there being hardly a foot of water present in rivers that four years ago were deep enough to jump off rocks into.

Despite the aforementioned problems, new dams planned will have significantly worse impact if carried out. All nations downstream and their ecosystems will suffer from added pollution (due to development and relatively lax regulation and enforcement in China compared to Thailand, poisoning the food supply from pesticide runoff and heavy industry, as well as promoting algal blooms from organophosphates from agriculture), river blockage problems as fish cannot swim upstream to spawn, and potentially devastatingly low water flow.

Other environmental concerns arise from increased water flow in some parts as China clears rocks, sandbars, blasts gorges, and slows water as it dams and floods other sections and relocates indigenous people. In these respects, Cambodia is by far the most susceptible to ruin, due to the poverty-stricken nations dependency on the river.

This situation is reminiscent of the mass famine and devastating floods that destroyed the Angkor kingdom some 700 years ago, but in reverse. Cambodia, though likely to suffer the hardest blows by the lack of water, will not be alone - Laos' cities all hug the Mekong, as does Vietnams' Ho Chi Minh.

For further information about the Mekong River Commission and its initiatives, see here:
http://www.mrcmekong.org/about_mekong/about_mekong.htm

As I come into contact with the (maybe not so) mighty Mekong, I will update this article as I compare my experiences of four years ago with more recent ones. For now, I can only hope that the 60 million people who rely on it for their survival, can find other sources of food and income, if the damage is as extensive and irreversible as it appears to be from my research efforts.

Update:
The Mekong River Summit, the first since the Commissions commemoration 15 years ago, was held on April 5 in Hua Hin, Thailand.

150 academics and environmentalists from Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and Vietnam attended, with China and Burma sending representatives on behalf of their nations.

Local media reported tension within the Commission stemming from Chinese hydropower stations that are being held responsible for the dramatic drop in water levels in lower basins.

However, China have hit back at such accusations, citing increased population, urbanisation, plantations, tourism and climate change as legitimate contributing factors to the recent situation.

At the Summit, member countries attempted to influence China to join the Commission, but were unsuccessful - membership means all countries must consider other member nations before taking any action that would affect them, and China does not treat the Mekong as an international river.

The Summit has been largely received in local media as a failure, as it did not convince China to join, nor
come up with an immediate plan of action to implement to tackle the issues facing the not-so-mighty Mekong.

Vietnam will host the next MRC summit in 2014.

Need Sugery: Will Travel

lisamorrison — Sat, 8 May 2010 16:42:00 GMT

Recently I became an advocate of medical tourism.
Medical tourism is the relatively new, yet rapidly expanding, practice of traveling to another country to obtain health care. Typical services sought after are plastic surgery, elective procedures, complex specialised surgeries and dentistry - the type I experienced.

So why are so many people leaving their 'developed' countries to get health treatment in less developed countries? Because costs of health care are high and there are long waiting lists, while international travel is easy, affordable, and both the technology and standard of care in developing countries has improved.
These factors have seen a recent explosion in the number of American, English, Canadian, French and Australian citizens heading overseas to get the nose, knees, hips, breasts or teeth they want.

Countries such as those aforementioned are often so taxed, it can take a long time to get non-urgent medical care. This is due to their population, income and expense of health care all being high.
Additionally, patients of modern nations are discovering their insurance doesn't cover what they need, (a good example being orthopedic surgery), or imposes restrictions on the choice of surgeon, facility or prosthetic used they can access, even with their health care.
So now a lucrative industry has opened in medical tourism. Rather than paying a certain amount each week or month towards any possible health cover you might need, these same people are simply getting quotes from reccommended doctors and facilities overseas, saving the money, buying a ticket and heading off to get the health service they need or want, at a fraction of the price. Throw in being able to stay in a five star resort to recover, and you've got a multimillion dollar industry.

Popular destinations for medical tourism include: Argentina, Brunei, Cuba, Colombia, Costa Rica, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Jordan, Lithuania, Malaysia, The Philippines, Singapore, South Africa and Thailand - where I had my "work" done.
Medical tourism is a hastily growing segment of Thailand's tourism industry. In 2006, it was projected that it contributed 36.4 billion baht to the Thai economy.
Treatments tourists travel to Thailand for range from cosmetic surgery and dentistry to organ transplants, cardiac surgery and orthopedic treatments.

Advantages of being a medical tourist include that (for the main part) you don't have to wait - you can simply book in and get your desired procedure done as early as the very next day. You can recuperate from your treatment in a high class hotel, receive a good level of after-care and it costs a fraction of the price you would pay back home for the same procedure.
One patient who had coronary artery bypass surgery at Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok said the operation cost him US$12,000, as opposed to the $100,000 it would have cost him at home.

Personally, I have disliked my teeth for years. When my milk teeth were replaced by adult teeth, they didn't line up as they should have, resulting in a crooked smile. Add to this, my blatant disregard for regularly visiting a dentist, coupled with the consumption of red wine, black coffee, tea and tobacco, and the result has been me smiling with my mouth clamped shut for the past few years, as not to allow anyone a glimpse of my offensive chompers.

Like the majority of medical tourists, in my home country I don't have private health care. Australia's health system doesn't cover treatments such as cosmetic dentistry. So for me to get my teeth professionally cleaned and have a single 45 minute session of 'ZOOM' laser whitening, it would cost me about $1000, the cheapest I found was $890 and there was still a few months wait for that dentist.

A few weeks ago, I walked into a dental surgery on Koh Samui island in southern Thailand. In less than five minutes, I made an appointment for the very next morning. Having researched what I wanted and how much it should cost, helped me feel confident and in control.

Early the next day, I had the procedure explained to me in English, with clear diagrams and models of the procedure. I then sat down in the dentist chair, got my teeth professionally cleaned and laser whitened (by the exact same 'ZOOM' procedure I had looked into in Australia) in less than an hour. It cost me $250.
After this experience, I would recommend to anyone that they get the health care they can't afford, or isn't available, in their home country done in another.
Even including my flight to Thailand (which wasn't solely for my dental work), I would still have paid less than getting the same treatment at home.

If medical tourism appeals to you, minimise any possible risks. Take the time to research the procedure, any conditions for getting it done, any after-effects, your recovery time, as well as the surgeon, facility and country you will travel to.

SOURCES:
"Medical tourism growing worldwide" University of Delaware, published online. Interview with Marvin Cetron, founder and president of Forecasting International, on growing trends in medical tourism.
http://www.udel.edu/PR/UDaily/2005/mar/tourism072505.html

"Guide to tourism for health reasons" Healthguide.com Statistics for Medical Tourism.
http://www.health-tourism.com/medical-tourism/statistics/

Fish 'N' Nips

lisamorrison — Sat, 8 May 2010 16:41:00 GMT

There's something fishy going on in the beauty business across Asia.

Traditionally, a pedicure involves a beauty therapist clipping toenails and filing away dead skin to reveal tidy-looking, smooth feet. But recently, this role has been adopted by fish. That's right...fish.

Garra rufa, or "doctor fish" as they are more commonly known, are toothless, freshwater fish being used by beauty spas to treat skin conditions, such as psoriasis, dermatitis and eczema.

By sucking and tearing at the affected or dead skin (softened by the warm water the fish inhabit), such treatment reveals healthy, soft skin that remains untouched by the fish with feet fetishes.

Ichthyotherapy (literally "fish therapy") is not a cure for skin ailments, rather a temporary alleviation of the symptoms - such as scaly, itchy, inflamed or flaky skin.

Although such behaviour is natural to the Garra rufa species, spa owners ensure they eat the feet placed in their tanks by keeping their food supply scarce.

The history of such treatment in traditional or modern healing is hardly documented. However, communities in the Northern and Middle East (mainly Turkey, Syria, Iraq and Iran) that bathe in the rivers and basins where the Garra rufa originate from, may have accessed this alternative therapy for years.

On the wider scale (no pun intended), the fish spa business made a splash (oops, did it again!) in 2006, when "doctor fish" beauty spas opened in Japan, were hugely popular and branched out from there.

Whether their popularity is due to novelty or beneficial factors, fish spas are now a lucrative industry across Asia - in China, South Korea, Singapore, India, Malaysia, Thailand and Hong Kong - as well as some European countries - namely Belgium, The Netherlands and Hungary.

My first (and likely only) experience of paying for fish to suck on my toes was on Koh Tao, a small island located in the Gulf Coast of Thailand. My curiousity simply wouldn't let me walk past without giving it a go.

Upon entering, a staff member removed my footwear and washed my feet with soap. This wasn't due to my feet being filthy, but rather an preventative measure again water-borne infections.

I was then led to one of the four large tanks the room featured and took a seat on the wooden bench that ran alongside the tank.

Apprehensively, I plunged my feet into the water that contained hundreds of tiny silver fish, flashing like liquid mercury.

Instantly, the fish darted to my feet, attaching themselves to my soles, toes and heels. The felt like lots of tiny fingers tickling at my tootsies - not uncomfortable, but not overly enjoyable either.

The spa had cleverly designed their shop front to feature glass walls where the tanks were located, in a canny effort to pique the interest of passing tourists. Many a incredulous passer-by stopped to stare or photograph me giggling my head off as the fish went to work on my feet!

After the experience was over, my feet did feel both smoother and cleaner, and I could appreciate that anyone with a skin condition would find it even more beneficial, but having satisfied my curiousity, I would be reluctant to visit again.

Scarred Beauties, Sacred Memories.

lisamorrison — Sat, 8 May 2010 16:32:00 GMT

Once the two most prosperous cities in Siam (Thailand), Sukhothai and Ayuthaya exist today as minor civilisations and a tribute to their violent history in the form of crumbling ruins that sweep their respective landscapes, like scars on an otherwise beautiful place.

Sukhothai ('Dawn of Happiness') lies 427 kilometres north of Bangkok in the valley of the Yom River on the lower edge of the northern province. Covering 6596 square kilometres, Sukhothai was the first truly independent capital in Siam (now Thailand) during Khmer rule.

Until 1180 Sukhothai was controlled by the Khmer power until two brothers, Po Khun Bangklanghao and Po Khun Phameung took the kingdom back in 1239. Bangklanghao took over as ruler of the kingdom, and by the end of his reign, the kingdom has spread to cover the entire Chao Phraya valley.

Traditional Thai historians consider the foundation of Sukhothai as the beginning of their nation as little is known about the kingdoms prior to Sukhothai. Modern history studies demonstrate that Thai history began before Sukhothai, yet its foundation is still a celebrated event.

As well as broadening the area under Sukhothai's power, King Ramkhamhaeng developed aspects of Thai culture; propagating Theravada Buddhism, invented Thai script, characterizing the governance style in which the king's considered "father" and the people "children", and encouraged free trade.

The golden age couldn't last though. After the death of Ramkhamhaeng, and his succession by his son Loethai, the tributaries under Sukhothai liberated themselves: Uttaradit in the north, Laotian Luang Prabang and Vientiane in the east, Mon in the west and Suphanburi in the south.

At the same time, Ayuthaya rose in strength and King Thammaracha II had to submit to and be absorbed into Ayuthaya in 1378.

When Ayuthaya succeeded Sukhothai, it became the new ruling kingdom of Siam. Prior to this, the town was Khmer outpost. The city is named after Ajodhya – Sanskrit for ‘undefeatable’. This prophecy would soon become false.

Since its conception, Ayuthaya flourished, becoming a centre for commerce, not only through trade with its neighbouring nations, but also Europeans as they transverse the Silk Route through Asia.

A string of thirty-three kings reigned Ayuthaya until it fell to the Burmese in 1767. During its prosperity, Thai culture and international commerce flourished, with Ayuthaya being courted by Dutch, Portuguese, French, English, Chinese and Japanese merchants. Ayuthaya’s population had reached one million by the end of the 17th century and virtually all foreign visitors claimed it to be the most illustrious city they had ever seen.

But in the 1760s, a new and powerful dynasty emerged out of Burma. After numerous conflicts with the Burmese and a 14 month long siege, Ayuthaya was captured in 1767.

The invaders ransacked the city, looted the golden treasures, desecrated the temples – most evident in the heads and limbs of the Buddha statues being lanced off – and the remaining buildings burnt to the ground.

With there now being no Thai capital, competing Thai factions struggled for power until General Taksin united the territories, establishing Bangkok in 1770. The Burmese eventually abandoned their conquest and Ayuthaya developed into a provincial trading town.

Now Sukhothai and Ayuthaya exist asUNESCO Historical Sites, dominated by their glorious but bloody past. Sukhothai Historical Park comprises what remains of the ancient kingdom, spread out over 70 kilometres. There are 193 ruins, including the former royal palace, twenty-six temples, shrines and tombs. Ayuthaya is just as haunting to explore with its blackened Buddha torso's.

As a tourist, it is not the cities illustrious past that stays in your mind long after you have moved on, but the remaining ruins and their testement to power and plunder.

Sopping Wet for Songkran!

lisamorrison — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 02:10:00 GMT

Songkran is Thailand’s most celebrated festival – the passing of the traditional Thai New Year. Even though Thais now celebrate New Year on December 31^st, the astrological calendar is still recognized and is a public holiday. Beginning on the 11^th of April and continuing through until the 16^th, Songkran has many practices, both ancient and modern.

Thought to be an adaptation of India’s Holi festival, during which participants throw water and dye at each other, Songkran derives from Sanskrit, meaning the new solar year. The festival used to be contained to the northern areas of Thailand until the 20^th century, when it spread everywhere. However, the largest and most famous celebration of Songkran is held in Chiang Mai, where I was lucky enough the take part in its festivities.

Anyone can participate in Songkran - you do not have to be Thai or Buddhist. Traditionally, the New Year was a time of cleansing, which is what the water throwing symbolizes. Many Thai’s also thoroughly clean their homes at this time.

In an extension of the cleansing theme, Buddha images from monasteries in the area are paraded through the streets so people can throw water at them. This ritual “bathing” of the religious images is thought to bring the bearer good luck for the New Year.

My involvement in the celebration was to buy a big water-pistol and get soaked while trying hard to soak others. Little children and elders alike would beam at me as I either gently splashes a handful of water on their shoulder, or staged an all-out offense against them.

The whole city was closed for the holiday, with the streets lined with spectators of the parade, buckets of ice, water pistols, hoses and huge blocks of ice. It was one huge, drenched street party!

Since it’s the hottest season of the year, copping a drenching is more of a blessing than a hindrance and all the businesses that do stay open will happily usher you inside to eat a meal, use the internet, and even get a massage.

Another belief associated with Songkran is the ancient idea that mythical serpents brought on rain by spouting water from the seas. The more they spouted, they more it rained, so a connection could be made from the note-too-distant past when Thailand was largely an agricultural society to a rain-making type of celebration.

No matter what the beliefs, customs, or reasons behind the festival, it is definitely a great time to be in Thailand – a way to cool down, celebrate with the Thai people and learn about their culture first-hand.

Sawas bee mai! (Thai for Happy New Year).

You want massaaage?

lisamorrison — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 01:13:00 GMT

Thailand is home to a unique style of massage involving deep massage and stretching, but not oil. In the Thai language, it is known as "nuat phaen boran" - literally "ancient-manner massage", as this specific technique of bodywork dates back to the nineteenth century fusion of Indian, Chinese and Southeast Asian culture, medicine and traditional healing practices.

The theory behind Thai massage is similar to that of some Western and Chinese styles, but has its differences. Practitioners of modern Thai massage operate on the idea that the body is permeated with ‘air’ that travels along pathways through the body. They manipulate the body, by pressing on pressure points and adopting yoga-like positions, in efforts to both open the pathways and stimulate the air in its movements along them. In Chinese massage, this ‘air’ is known as ‘chi’ and the pathways as meridians, while in alternative Western massage, ‘energy’ and ‘chakras’ are the terms used. Thai practice differs from both these styles however, as they do not relate the air to any of the bodies organs, while the other two do.

Practically anywhere you are in Thailand, you can get a Thai massage. The call of “you want massaaage” can be heard repeatedly as you stroll along the streets of any well-visited tourist destination. Prices can range from between 100B for a dirt-cheap, out in the open massage to upwards of 1000B at a swanky spa resort. The main factors are your practitioner, the length of time, and your surroundings.

As someone who suffers from lower back and neck pain, as well as knots due to stress and poor posture, I have lost count of the Thai massages I have had over my past two months in Thailand. Generally, my experiences have gone as follows.

Upon entering the massage parlour you have chosen, you confirm the type of massage you would like (Thai, oil, foot or full body) for what period of time (generally a half or full hour) and the price. Then your feet are placed in a bowl of warm water with flower petals, and washed by the person who will be your masseuse. Sometimes you are offered a glass of water before the massage to assist in flushing out toxins from your system.

Then you are ushered into the room where your massage will take place. The room usually contained a row of firm mattresses laid out on the floor, with a towel and pillow on each. Sometimes relaxation music, incense and candles accompany this set-up. Sometimes the room is air-conditioned and sometime it isn’t.

From here, you are left in private to change into a set of loose clothing the masseuse provides. Generally this is a pair of Thai fishermen pants and a baggy, long-sleeved shirt. These clothes serve the purpose of not only providing modesty for yourself and your masseuse, but also so that your clothes don’t restrict the yoga-like poses you will be placed in during the massage. Sometimes you are the only recipient in the room, sometimes you are one of many and change in a bathroom.

The masseuse will now indicate you should lie down on your back on the mattress. She (or he) then usually bows her head in a wai (palm to palm) in a brief prayer or blessing. Then the bodywork begins.

Your body will be manipulated and massaged rhythmically from toes to scalp. At the beginning of the massage, whoever is working on you should inquire as to whether you are relaxed, happy with the pressure they are applying and that you need to indicate to them if you experience any pain or discomfort.

Over the course of the massage, the masseuse will use their fingers, palms, fists, forearms, elbows, feet legs and feet to work your muscles, as well as pulling on fingers and toes, walking along your spine and massaging your face.

Although not as relaxing as a Swedish massage, Thai massage should in no way be uncomfortable or painful. I always close my eyes, focus on my breathing and the sensations my body experiences.

Contrary to popular belief or rumour, Thai massage is not sexual! If any inappropriate touching occurs, you are expected to express your offense, and I would also immediately leave without paying if I were convinced it was intentional.

At the completion of the allotted time, you should thank your masseuse and they will again leave you in private to change back into your own clothes. Then you head back to the reception area to pay. Sometimes the massage is followed up with a glass of water and a glass of ginger tea, as the toxins released into your system by the massage can dehydrate you and make you feel ill.

I always leave the massage parlour feeling rejuvenated and refreshed!

Thailand Hot & Not List

lisamorrison — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:44:00 GMT

THUMBS UP!

1. Every set of traffic lights in Thailand have a countdown screen attached to them. This lets you know exactly how many seconds you have until the light changes from amber to red (no more guessing if you'll make it through the red light.) It also has the effect of when there is about ten seconds left before the change from red to green, all the motorists start revving their engines lke it's the start of the Grand Prix. (This can be a thumbs down if you are out in front on your bicycle, as it's highly intimidating!)

2. Central World, a shopping complex in Siam Square in Bangkok City has 10 (yes, 10!) levels of stores. Not small levels either. You could probably fit in maybe ten or so Garden City's into this place - it's gigantic! Shopping centres don't much for me, but this one gets a thumbs up because as of a few weeks from now, an ice-skating rink is going to be opened. Damn cool (literally.)

3. Tuk-tuk drivers in the city are sponsored by stores that are off the main tourist trails and don't get much traffic. This is a thumbs down for some people who would rather pay a full fare and not have to visit a gem shop/tailor/rug store etc. But for Dan and I, we don't mind getting a free or ridiculously cheap ride and having to spend ten minutes inside someone's shop. We never buy anything, have fun chatting with the storepeople, and the tuktuk driver gets a 5L coupon for fuel. (This can also be a thumbs down, as after you've done this a few times, the drivers remember your face and harrass you abit more vigorously than other people.)

4. At the cinema, before the screening of the film, everyone stands and sings the local national anthemn. And they sing it loudly and proudly, not like we do back home in Australia, where we kind of mouth the words, mumble, while looking at our feet.

5. Catching the ferry down the river, instead of always walking or taking rides. Dan and I hopped on a local ferry one afternoon when we were exhausted from walking around Chinatown. It cost us about $2 to get back to Khao San Road, and provided a new perspective of Bangkok.

6. Hunting out the smaller stores for bargains. Ok, so almost everything in Bangkok is a bargain compared to Australian prices, but if you get away from Khao San Road and visit the shops with less traffic, not only do they start bartering at lower prices, but they are keener for a sale. This time around, lots of the men and women at stores along Khao San Road gave us astronomical first prices, couldn't be bothered bartering to a decent price, or were outright rude to us. (Example: I lost my sunglasses and found a replacement pair I liked along the main street. I inquired how much, the woman told me 450B. I had bought the exact same pair for 100B and had since seen them on sale further down the road for 69B. I attempted to goodnaturedly barter her down to a reasonable price but she would only go down to 400B. I thanked her, saying I might come back later, to which she replied with a raised voice, in no uncertain terms, that if I came back later she would remember my face and charge me 500B!

7. Vegan and vegetarian restaurants. Thai usually has alot of vegetarian options (although "vegetable with oyster sauce" is the most common...I wonder what they think an oyster is?) but I found a backstreet with a row of little restaurants that are strictly vegetarian, mostly vegan. May Kaidees has been cranking out all you can eat buffets (99B pp), cooking classes, cookbooks and traditional thai dancing (free entertainment while you eat) since 1988. Along the same street, a few shops down on the right hand side is another place called Ethos. Also mainly vegan, some vegetarian, this place has a more varied menu than MKs - including Indian and Western dishes, instead of just Thai. Small tables and cushions on the floor and a great bookshelf.

8. Bicycle shops. Head to Chinatown for any parts you need for next to nothing. Go to Velo Bicycle (88 Samsen Sio 2, near Phra Athit Road) for specific parts, and night-time bicycle tours. Pricey but the same brands and quality you get in Australia.

9. Making light (and laughter) of everything. In most 'Western' countries it's considered rude to laugh at someone, however, in Thai culture they don't mean it in a belittling way, only to jest. Examples of this include if you fall over, if you accidently drop your food in the street, and so on. At first it takes some getting used to, but once you realise they are just laughing at life, not you, you start to laugh along too.

10. Hose and squat toilets. I never thought I would say it, but I have learned to appreciate, if not love, them. Squatting not only strengthens and tones those leg muscles, but discourages the bad habit some people have of lingering in there, occupying themselves with reading or playing on their phone. Yuk. As well as the style, I have become a fan of the method as well - without getting too graphic let's just say I'd prefer to wash that area than smear it. Extra thumbs up for saving the paper, and hence, trees!

THUMBS DOWN!

1. Security at shopping centers. I'm not sure whether the highly increased security is because of the recent political protest but when I visited Central World, Dan and I were bag searched at the main gate, then made to walk through a metal detector, then swiped down with a hand-held metal detector, then had our bags thoroughly searched. Only then were we allowed to enter.

2. Books are relatively expensive (though this isn't recent, prices have risen only marginally since I was here in 2007.) English books average about 300B each ($10.) A lot of these are photocopies, so be sure you ask them to take the book out of the plastic they have covered it in, so you can check. If the book you want is popular, or a recent edition of a guide, expect to pay even more. A thumbs up of this is that at least if you leave the price tag on, you can return to the same store and get a credit against your next purchase to the amount of half of the full price you originally paid.

3. Spitting. Just like in India, in Thailand spitting isn't considered anti-social or even gross. I have seen the tiniest Thai woman, looking like prim dolls, hock up a gooby in the road. Not only does the sound make me retch, but you have to be alert to dodge these missiles while you walk.

4. 7/11. I don't know whether I will ever get the high-pitched sound of the automatic doors sliding open out of my mind. In places where none existed four years ago, there is now more than ten! It seems everywhere you go in Thailand, even small towns, have this franchise store every few meters. And not only are the stores in your face, but there is the merchandise also. 7/11 T-shirts are plentiful on the shirts of locals and foreigners alike, why is a mystery to me! A constant reminder that big corporations dominate the globe. Yuk!

5. Condensed milk. You can't get away from it, they put it on or in everything.

A sanctuary within a city.

lisamorrison — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:36:00 GMT

My last visit to Bangkok in 2007 was typical of travelers passing through the city; stay a few nights at a cheap guesthouse; scour Khao San Road for dirt-cheap souvenirs and gifts; get a day pass to the Grand Palace, Emerald Buddha and surrounding temples; hail a ride to the airport and fly away.

I was expecting much of the same this time, but was pleasantly surprised. Touring a city on bicycle provides an alternative and refreshing perspective to that of pedestrians and passengers. During our ten days in the city Dan and I traversed much more of Bangkok than possible on foot, yet could still go places bigger vehicles cannot - the best of both worlds.

Having explored all the public parks the city offers, I want to share one of our favourite places: Santichaiprakarn Park, a sanctuary within the oppressive traffic, noise and pollution.

Located on the corner of Thanon Phra Atith and Thanon Phra Sumen and running parallel with Chao Phraya River, Santichaiprakarn Park is not the largest, nor the greenest, or most historical park in Bangkok, but may be the most charming.

One day, at about noon, we had just visited a bicycle store and decided to seek solace from the relentless heat and humidity in the park while we made some adjustments to our bikes.

Settling down under the braches of a banyan tree, we set to work attaching mirrors, mud-guards and horns, lining tyres with puncture prevention tape and replacing my seat. From when the sun was at its highest point in the sky until its descent and replacement with the moon, we encountered such genuine interaction with locals and foreigners, both young and old, that we were beaming at each other through our perspiration, simply relishing in the community atmosphere of the public space.

In the far corner of the park, a tiled area is buffed and shined as twelve or so local kids break-dance for hours on end. Ranging from five to twenty years old, their fit brown bodies twist and flip, spin and slide, as they express themselves individually and in ‘battles’ between larger teams.

Clad in baseball caps, baggy clothes and sweat bands, they epitomise American hip hop culture, but move and groove to funk! Getting down to James Brown; popping, locking and moon-walking to Michael Jackson; fusing head-spins, hand-stands and back-flips to Rick James - their energy and enthusiasm brings many admirers who cheer, clap and photograph, and has most people tapping along to the beat.

Up a small flight of stairs, a concrete path splits a large area of grass into two even patches. On the left-hand side, a group of ten foreigners are juggling, twirling poi and staff, hula-hooping and performing illusion tricks on an area of lush lawn. Like the dance crew, their fashion style is also loose and casual, but they also shamelessly display a plethora of tattoos, piercings and dreadlocks. Communicating in a strange-sounding staccato of Asian, Middle Eastern and European fusions of the English language, they share tricks with each other.

On the opposite patch of grass, an older Thai couple plays badminton, the woman with a toddler resting on her tiny hip. As she skillfully swats the shuttle-cock back and forth to her partner, the child gurgles, coos and squeals his delight.

Sharing section of lawn are eight Thai boys, aged about thirteen, who throw a basketball between each other’s rapidly-moving hands. They duck and weave their way through an improvised, hoop-less game of the court version - crying out in triumph and frustration as they win and lose points. Shirtless, their narrow, concave chests give no indication of the strength and agility they possess.

Continuing along the path, I reach a 'sala' - a pavilion of sorts. Found throughout Thailand, sala's are open on four sides and used as meeting places or provide shelter from the elements. Typical of Thai temple architecture, its walls are ivory, its roof crimson. At each of the four corners where white and red kiss like lovers, curlicues point to the sky in slender, golden fingers. Roped off from the public, the sala shows subtle signs of ageing; hairline cracks in the walls, black smudges on the pillars; and starkly contrasts with the carefully clipped shrubs encircling it. Skinny trunks are dotted with perfectly spherical green orbs, resembling the letter 'i', with not an errant leaf or twig out of place.

The path takes a sharp right turn from the sala and opens up into a large concrete arena. Its boundaries are formed by the river and sets of steps that lead to a raised platform. Upon this stage, a Thai man is shouting and screaming. Assembled in front of him are a collection of local men and women, struggling their way through a challenging aerobics class. Their tiny instructor, clad in skin-tight Spandex, directs the participants through his head-set without panting; showing any signs of effort, or missing a beat of the dance remixes of recent Western pop songs. He looks like the Energizer Bunny on speed; none of his followers can keep pace with him. In Thai culture song is as integral as dance, and this spectacle combines both, as spectators of the class sing along to the lyrics in their best English.
Tiny babies are patted and juggled by grandparents, as mothers and fathers attempt to keep up with their insanely fit instructor. Overhearing a grey-haired, spectacled woman with skin like a wrinkled nut mouthing "I kissed a girl and I liked it" prompts raised eyebrows and smirks as startled travelers within earshot share the joke.

Taking a seat on one of the many benches that dot the banks of the Chao Praya River, I am mesmerised by the hustle and bustle taking place on the water. Sleepy long-tail boats, speedy commuter ferries and tiny tugboats straining under the weight of pulling barges that dwarf their craft, make their way up and down the brown-coloured river. Rubbish drifts past in the choppy wake they make on its slick, oily surface.

To my left, the Pinklao Bridge carries a relentless stream of traffic along the veins into and arteries out of, the city’s heart. Fancy tourist buses, tiny tuk-tuks, taxi sedans, huge industrial trucks, motorcyclists and cyclists all jostle space on the steaming Bangkok bitumen.

To my right, the Rama VIII Bridge provides a spectacular backdrop, twinkling with orange and white lights in preparation for the nearing sunset. Named after the King of the same title, the impressive structure dominates the central skyline - hundreds of golden suspension cables extend from a single pylon - and is slightly familiar to tourists, who have unwittingly viewed the image while passing twenty baht banknotes to street vendors.

Avoiding the aerobics class, I step back onto the path and follow it towards another majestic structure, this one dating back to King Rama I's reign: Phra Sumen Fort. One of fourteen built during the time when Bangkok became the countries capital in 1872, it is one of mere two that remain standing today. The fort has two levels - the lower featuring cannons that poke their heads out at regular intervals, while the upper creates an observation tower. It reminds me of a sandcastle with its turrets and peaked roof - perhaps a sandcastle slowly dissolving in the incoming tide, for its brickwork has crumbled from sharp edges to rounded corners over time.

To one side of the fort, pair of ancient banyan trees exposed roots twist and twine like writhing bodies. The district in which Santichaiprakarn Park is located, Banglamphu, was originally named after these ‘Lamphu’ trees, so densely did they populate the area, but now only two remain.

Our motorised bicycles and associated gear take their place under one of them, while the other shelters two old men. Spread out around them is a variety of musical instruments. Slowly, yet steadily, they work their way through the array of instruments, picking each one up lovingly, holding them in their arms as carefully as if they were infants. A few simple tools are used to tinker with their beloved guitars, mandolins, violins and others too exotic for me to name, as they strum and pluck their way towards their desired sound. The dulcet sounds of their conversation and chuckles are as rhythmical as the music they create with their gnarled hands.

A procession of novice monks treads silently and barefoot along the footpath separating this refuge from the surrounding concrete and neon jungle. Freshly shaved heads gleam under bright streetlights abuzz with moths and mosquitoes; their mandarin robes draped in strands of prayer beads, their hands clasp the metal vessels that contain their alms.

Unlike them, I am not secure in my faith – of neither spirituality nor humanity – but just as they find serenity through prayer and practicing compassion, I find it here, in this haven.

The "Free Luxury Holiday" Scam.

lisamorrison — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:42:00 GMT

The suns hot rays beat down on my face and bare arms. Sweat snaked its way down my forehead and into my eyes, stinging them, while beads of perspiration dotted my upper lip. Great, I had a moustache.
The mosquito-like whine of a scooter became louder as it approached us from behind. Instead of passing, it came to a halt with a screeching of brakes beside us.
"Hello, you are speaking English?" questioned an Indian man who sat regally astride the scooter, as if his throne.
"Ye-es", we answered in unison, warily, dismissing his presence as one of the overwhelming number of motorbike taxi's who inundate every pedestrian with offers of paid lifts down the road.
"Ok, ok, that is good for you and me, yeah? What I am doing is giving out these free cards, yeah? For the company I work for, yeah?"
His white teeth stood out against his dark brown complexion, flashing in the bright sun. I squnited and tried to concentrate on what he was saying.
"So you take one each and scratch it, and maybe you be winning a prize, yeah?"
Everything he said sounded like a question and I found myself nodding along with his voice.
He thrust a small silver card into each of our hands, and scrambled in his pocket for a coin.
"Here, for better scratching."
We accepted the coin and scratched away at the panel.
I was mildly irritated to be detained in the hot sun, with a long walk ahead, but was too overwhelmed by the heat and humidity to protest.
"You need to be getting three of the same and then that is what you are winning, yeah?"
His jilted English reminded me of my time in India, flashes of recollection whirred through my mind.
"T-shirt", Dan said, startling me out of my reverie.
Glancing down at my hand, my eyes lazily registered three blue stars.
"What do the stars mean?" I asked.
"Oh my god, you are getting stars? You have won one of the biggest prizes!" This seemed like something to get excited about, judging by the way he was jumping around.
"Really?" I glanced at Dan and saw my own dubious expression mirrored in his face.
"Yes, yes, YES! You have won one of the four main prizes!" He exclaimed loudly, flipping the card over.
The reverse side showed four pictures; a laptop, a camera, a pile of cash and two deckchairs on a beach.
"Now you be scratching the small bit here and it shows you which one you have won!" His white teeth flashed again.
I scratched the panel, revealing the letter D. I had won the holiday!
"Oh my god, you have won six nights accomodation at a four star resort in one of six Asian countries of your choice!"
I was stunned by his enthusias. I mean, you would think he had won the prize.
Was the heat making me groggy? Should we have all been jumping around hugging and squealing?
"So how do we get this free holiday?" Dan asked, skeptically.
"Ok, you come with me now and I'll take you to the resort. We give you free drinks and show you around our resort, which is what we are promoting with these cards, and then we give you a certificate.
Dan and I looked at each other. We were both red faced, covered in sweat from our time at the gym and long walk home in the relentless sun. We didn't smell too fresh.
"Nah, we need to go home first and have a shower, then we will come get our prize", we told him.
"Ok, but you have to be coming to get it, right? I am getting big commission from you winning big prize, ok? Yes? You will come? Free taxi there and back, no pay for you" He pleaded.
"Yes, we will meet you in an hour. Where?" I asked.
"Ok, ok, you are seeing this big white building. Is Ibis Hotel. I be meeting you across from there in one hour from now, yes?"
"Yes."
"I take this card with me so that if you do not be coming back, I give to someone else so I still get my commission, ok?"
"Yeah, no dramas", Dan replied.
With a kick and a splutter, his scooter took off ahead of us along the main road through Koh Samui.
Continuing our walk, Dan and I had definately picked up the pace. It would be a squeeze to get back to our guesthouse, showered, dressed and walk back to the hotel in under an hour. But was it worth hurrying? Was it a scam? What did we have to lose? Should we even go back or just dismiss it as a Thailand scam?
Dan seemed to voice all the questions running through my head when he spoke.
"We have plenty of time so let's go meet the guy and go to the hotel and if they try to get any money out of us, we'll just leave."
I was fantasizing about what it would be like to have week of luxury at the end of our six month cycling trip around south east Asia. I mean, our guesthouses were clean but we were happy to stay in budget bungalows to extend our time over here. We never really took advantage of being able to get a five star deal at a fraction of the cost of home. Suddenly urges for king-sized beds, high thread count sheets, fluffy bath towels, blissful air conditioning, and a swimming pool, seized me.
"But what if...what if...we actually won?" I hesitantly asked.
"I mean, I know it's probably a scam and all that, but if it isn't..." I trailed off.
"Well, we see where these fancy hotels are, and then we pick one," Dan replied logically.
It sounded so easy when he said it like that. I told myself to expect a scam so I wouldn't be disappointed, but a little flare of hope made my heart beat faster.

Approaching the Ibis Hotel just over an hour later, I was scanning both sides of the road for the Indian on his scooter.
He wasn't here. I felt my heart sank. We were only ten minutes late. I had thought he would be waiting. Was I stupid to think he would be? He probably had just given it to another couple to get his commission.
Then an approaching scooter caught my attention. He was wearing a red visor, like the Indian guy had been. Was it him? I craned my neck to see.
It was! I waved my hand, just as he caught sight of me and came to a halt on the opposite side of the road.
"Hello! You came. I worry. Where is your friend?" He asked, those teeth dancing in front of my eyes again.
"He is just there", I replied, pointing to Dan who was just approaching us.
"Ok, ok, so we will get a taxi, my company will be paying. I will leave my bike and get one for us."
Dan came to a halt beside me as our promotion man cut across the two lanes of traffic and flagged down a yellow meter taxi. We climbed into the back seat, as a hurried exhange of Thai took place.
Our doors had barely closed when the taxi lurched forward, jostling against scooters, motorbikes, other cars, street dogs, pedestrians and hawkers on bicycle-driven carts for a passage through the chaos.
The taxi wound its way around sharp bends, undulated over steep hills and through valleys. The odemeter jumped up and down in time as we jerked back and forward in our seats. We ground to a halt in brown dirt outside a group of buildings made of glas and white walls.
Two well-dressed Thai woman welcomed us inside.
"Sawasdeekaaa" they drawled in unison, placing their hands palm to palm and bowing in a wai greeting.
The Indian man - I realised he had never told us his name - placed our two winning scratchies on the wooden counter top.
"This lucky couple have won one of the big prizes and also a T-shirt!" He exclaimed to the woman, who smiled broadly in our direction.
"Ok guys, so you be having a free drink yeah? And be looking at our nice hotels and then you be getting your prize certificate of the six nights in four star accommodation, ok?"
With one last beam in our direction, he left through the shiny glass doors and a woman was entering.
Her high heeled shoes clicked against the tiles as she came in our direction.
"Hello, I'm Emily." She shook our hands as we introduced ourselves.
"Ok, let's go into the refreshment room and we'll have a drink and I'll explain what this is all about! Follow me!"
Who has a room just for refreshments? I wondered as we traipsed after her.
Once seated in a pale green room with potted plants dotted between sets of tables and chairs, a Thai waitress promptly materialised.
"Drinks?" Emily beamed at us.
We ordered some water and juice and then tried our best to look casual.
"Ok, so let's talk about your holidays. How many holidays do you take a year? What kind of things do you look for in a holiday?"
A questionaire appeared. Whoa, they were really into this whole holiday deal. Where was this going?
After about ten minutes Emily had established we were indeed keen on holidays. And really, who isn't? (Apart from my Scottish uncle who decries every time I embark on a trip why I would want to go somewhere they don't speak English and have different money, to stay in a place that isn't home and has a dodgy toilet is beyond him.)
"Ok, well lets head over to the office and I can show you some brochures and one of my other team members will help me explain exactly what it is we do here, ok?" She asked.
We entered another pastel-hued room again set out with lots of little sets of tables and chairs filling the space. It was like a restaurant. I wondered what they were serving here.
We soon found out when the 'pitch' began in earnest.
"What we are here at Paradise Direct is a holiday-makers club.
We invite people who regularly holiday each year, to join our club and we can get you very cheap deals on accomodation through our four partners.
Have you heard of The Marriott? The Hilton?"
An ambush of hotel names were thrown at us, many of which I had heard of but had never entertained the thought of staying in.
Colourful, glossy magazines of models enjoying the hotels facilities were thrust under our noses.
"So, Lisa, if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?"
"Um...Jamaica", I said.
"Jamiaca, Jamiaca, Jamaica..." Emily muttered as she flicked through the pages that seemed interchangeable in their beauty.
"Ok, so here's a resort, looks nice huh? If you were a member of our club, you would get one week accomodation at this resort, for free, each year."
"Free?" We asked.
"Absolutely free! Because we are in the hotel business and have joined up with oither hotels, we can offer you free accomodation for one week every year in over 7500 hotels worldwide!"
Just as the Indian man spoke with an inflection for questions, Emily spoke almost entirely in exclamations.
"Ontop of that week every year, you also get one other week a year, during which you get access to the same five star resorts at a fraction of the cost!
We call these 'bonus weeks' and you can save up to three weeks worth and bring forward up to three weeks worth to say, go on a six week holiday through Europe., staying a week at each five star resort!
One in London, one in Germany, one in Greece, one in Italy, one in France and one in Spain! Amazing right?"
"So what does all this cost?" Dan asked. He wanted the figures. I was dreaming about being able to afford to tour Europe...in luxury!
"Ok, you pay $2000 anually as well as a $510 per year as a sort of administration fee."
Our faces must have shouted that was abit steep for an administration fee because she hurriedly continued.
"But it's not really an administration fee for us, you know, it's really for the upkeep of the luxury resorts you're staying at. You know, cleaning the pool..." She trailed off.
Because The Marriott doesn't have a pool boy of its own. Right.
"So you're really paying us to freeze the cost of your holidays.
Prices won't be staying at $149 per week in five years time, let alone ten or twenty! And that's not including the free week you get!"
I guess Emily had learnt that "free" actually meant $510 when she was at school.
"I mean, you couldn't even stay a single night at these kinds of resorts for that price right?"
Well, no, not for the $149, but when you added the $2510 on top of that... I thought.
"And there's lots of resorts in Australia, for you to take domestic trips, if you prefer."
Emily then showed us another glossy magazine full of amazing hotels in our home country.
"Have I mentioned that if you don't want to take your week that year, you can rent it out for the week?
That's right! You can stay at home and sell your week in the resort and make money!" Emily looked rapt with this prospect.
"And if you join today, this memembership is available to your family and friends. They can also access this amazing membership through your bonus weeks. Give a bonus week in London to your parents as an anniversary present!"
Hmmm, that would make me more popular than my younger brother or sister... I mused.
"As well as the free week every year, as well as the bonus weeks of rockbottom prices, as well as renting it out, or giving weeks to your loved ones, if you ever decide that you want out, which you won't, but say you ever did, we simply resell it and take 22% of the profit as our fee." EMily continued.
She'd lost me. Numbers and percentages have never been a strong point of mine.
"So, we would take your say, twenty year membership..." Emily drew 20x$510 on a piece of paper in front of her as she spoke.
"And we would sell it on as a thirty year membership..." She traced 30x$510 underneath the other equation.
"Out of the profit you make, we take a little bit of that to cover our costs."
She made it sound so fair and nice. Like they really were just giving away holidays and if you didn't want your holiday for some reason you could make money instead!
But we must have looked more subdued than the other couples who "won" a holiday and came here to "collect" it.
That distracted me. That's right, we won a HOLIDAY. The BUSINESS these people are in.
I bet none of those other prizes even existed! I bet every time our little Indian buddy stops someone he gives them a card that wins a big free holiday and a card for a smaller prize so everyone comes here and gets the pitch.
So he would have KNOWN we were going to scratch away the letter D. And the way he jumped around, all excited. What a phony. I was outraged.

While I was entertaining these revelations, Emily had called one of her partners over in an attempt to give us the hard sell. He was overweight and wearing a suit with a pink shirt. I instantly didn't trust him.
"So what's your problem with spending less than what you're spending now per year on holidays now, for better quality?" He asked. This guy was aggressive.
I thought of the cliched 'good cop/bad cop' routine. He was definately the bad cop.
Sitting beside me, Dan had immediately bristled in response to Pink Shirts tone and replied that joining something for thirty years just wasn't in his nature. And it's true - Dan can't even plan what he's doing that same afternoon yet alone for the next three decades.
Pink Shirt became friendlier. "Ok, I'll tell you what I'm going to do."
Throw in a set of steak knives?
"I'll give you six years of the club as a sort of test run."
I decided that Pink Shirt was definately an ex used car salesman.
"And how much will that cost?" Dan asked tersely.
"$6000."
"Does that include the $510 administration fee?" I asked.
"Well, usually, that's on top of what you're paying us to give you these kind of deals for, but..."
Pink Shirt glanced at Emily. They both nodded solemnly.
"Today we will waive this fee also, to show you that this is the real deal."
Then came the pressure.
"So, based on what you've heard hear today (repeat everything just said all over again)... are you going to answer yes or no?"
"Can we think about it and join later if we decide it's for us?"
"No." They both answered firmly.
"Why not?" I asked in surprise, thinking that if they were making money, they would be happy to sign us up.
"Because we only ever see people once."
"Why?"
"To keep our costs down."
"So you're telling me, that if I came back with $15000 tomorrow you couldn't afford to sign a contract? Dan asked in disbelief.
"Yes, that's right."
Dan and I exchanged a look.
Pink Shirt rushed to explain. "You see, it's not entirely our decision. It's an agreement we make ewith the Thai government that we only see people once off because sll the time you're here with us, you're not spending money in their shops, restaurants and bars."
Pink Shirt managed to look sympathetic about the poor economic circumstances of the working Thai people, while insinuating we somehow were depriving Thai babies of their food if we didn't sign on the spot.
Alarm bells were ringing in our heads when Pink Shirt started blaming things on Thai laws.
With no disrespect to the King, local laws we had seen over our time in Thailand ranged from being openly flouted - like the law of wearing a helmet on a motorbike - to broadcast as corrupt - such as being able to buy sex on the streets.
Regulation isn't a priority, as it rarely is in countires where tourism is all you've got to get better education, infrastructure and health.
They definately weren't going to be banning people from coming back to a building to sign a contract.
And how would they even know who was coming and going? Where we under observation? Unlikely.
Sensing Dans attitude towards him and his refusal to get pushed around, Pink Shirt turned to me.
"What about you, Lisa?" He asked kindly.
"How about if it was up to you? Would you jump at the chance to reward yourself with a five star luxury holiday package like this one?"
"I'm going to have to say no too, I don't have the kind of money to join, I'm afraid." I smiled apologetically, thinking that if I said I was broke they couldn't argue with that.
Oh, but how they could.
"Ok, what I'll do, just for you today, is take a $2000 deposit on the five year trial."
"Go home, work for a month, then give me another $2000, then in another month, make the last installment of the final $2000."
I could tell that Dan didn't like this guy one bit, with his feminine pink button down shirt, his slick suit, his English drawl and ability to write up-sidedown.
"No, I don't think so. You get people off the street and take them here for a free prize and then you want $6000 for some club.
I need time to consider it, and speak with my girlfriend. I don't give anyone $6000 just because they get me excited about some great offer." Dan said firmly.
Pink Shirt didn't like being told no. Pushing his chair back, he shook his head regretfully.
"Ok then. If you want to mis out, not a problem. Plenty of other people have joined, we have over 15, 000 members and more signing up everyday. It's your loss."
He walked away, leaving Emily looking deflated that she hadn't made a sale and got her commission.
We also rose from our seats and headed towards the door and entered to room with the beautifully groomed Thai women.
"Sawasdeekaaa", they repeated, heads bowed; hands clasped.
They presented Dan with his T-shirt emblazoned with the Paradise Direct logo.
Then they gave us the certificate for our "free" holiday.
It reads:
This certificate entitles the holder to seven nights luxury accommodation, for up to two people, at one of the KLR Hotels and Resort destinations.
The terms and conditions include:
Couples must be married or cohabitating for two or more years.
Couples must be aged betywen 28 and 65 and havbe a joint income of over $20,000.
Accommodation is subject to availability.
A non-refundable 99 pound administration fee is payable at the time of making your booking.
This offer is valid for 45 days from the date of issue and then for a period of 12 months only.

As the free return taxi dropped us off back to our rustic bungalow, we were left wondering.
A scam or not a scam?

Watch this space.

Photos: Thailand Laos 2007

lisamorrison — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 13:47:00 GMT