Chumleys tales across the globe

Splashback in the ganges, locked in a lift and a mad dash to the airport!!

kittychumley — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 09:52:00 GMT

The train journey had begun...there was no going back now, and I knew it. I had no music/no proper food (except biscuits/crisps and some mouldy oranges!)...all I had was my book, my one salvation on this god forsaken journey!! I led down on my bunk, began to read but within moments had drifted into a light, wistful sleep...

in and out of consciousness for a while, the journey seemed to be passing by smoothly. There was no reason for me to move from my bunk except to go to the toilet and I conversed only a little with my fellow train buddies, none of which spoke any english...and spent most of the time laughing at my bed hair which sprouted everytime I woke from my sleep. I didn't mind though and I really wished I could communicate with them to hear their stories and find out about their lives!! As the journey continued and the darkness consumed from outside, I decided it was time to enjoy one of those little sleeping pills...I took one and as hoped for was out for the count for quite a few hours. When I did wake up I noticed a western guy had got on and was sleeping in the bunk below me!! I said a brief hello and then passed out again!!

The next morning I spent most of the train journey reading my book and doing a bit of writing/planning for when I got back to England. When we were not 5 hours from Varanasi I clambered down and went to sit with the remaining indians and the westerner on the bottom bunk. The westerner was from Cananda and called Andrew and he was luckily going to Varanasi as well, so we agreed to find a hotel together which eased a lot of the pressure off!! He seemed like a cool guy and we had pretty similar outlooks on life as a traveller in India..

When we left the train station we stumbled across a generous tuk tuk driver who offered to shaparone as around whilst looking for a hotel (he wanted 50rupees and was obviousley working on commision-but 50 rupees is NOTHING so was happy to oblige!!)...After taking us to a number of dives, including one where the beds were made of straw...NO THANKS!we came across a fairly basic one but for a v. cheap price. After showering and lunch in the hotel, we asked the hotel owner to show us the way to the ganges where we wished to catch a boat which would take us along the river to see the "ghats"...

We arrived in time for the sunset and paid a boatman to take us on a trip along the river. It was really quite emotional there on the ganges...again I was getting in touch with my spiritual side being in such a religious city!! I felt really sorry for the boatman, he was a tad boss eyed and i assume maybe a little blind, but he did a good job and took us to see the burning bodies at the "burning" ghat. It wasnt how I expected. I thought it would just be a ton of dead bodies on a bonfire, but it was a lot more respectful. You could only see the feet poking out of the fires, nothing more....and to be honest I was quite grateful!! Got a bit of shock when one of the family members of the deceased picked up what was left of the fire ( a human breast bone!) and chucked it into the river next to me.....I was on the receiving end of some splash back, not cool!!

Anyway, after our gallivant down the river...Andrew and I attempted to find our way back to the hotel. With so many windy alleyways, it proved rather difficult and we had to ask for a number of directions. I loved it here though and was sad to only spend a night in the place! Once home, i hit the hay pretty early....but found it v.v.v. difficult to sleep due to an indian wedding happening down below......another sleeping pill for me!! I was becoming an addict!!....I awoke the next morning at something ridiculous like 4.30am to get another boat down the ganges and watch the sunrise......the first sunrise I've probably EVER woken up for!!! It was stunning, and I do not regret it!!...We saw loads of people having their morning swim in the river, and to top it off we saw an eagle swoop down from one of the buildings and catch a fish in its beak before flying off again.................it was AMAZING!! I could only think of my dad at this point and his love of birds!!

After this we went for breaky at a rooftop cafe overlooking the ganges. I had a coconut pancake and it was simply divine!! I really really loved this city.....I loved how some of the buildings seemed to be sinking into the river. It was like the lost world or something!!! Anyway after packing up my stuff, a beginers class in yoga from Andrew and a rush to the train station...I was sad to wave goodbye. After worrying so much about being on my own I was really begining to value it!! It was nice to realise i could actually be independant when i wanted to be!!

The train journey to Delhi was fairly standard. The people I was sat with barely spoke any English, but looked after me and offered me their food...a typical indian thing to do and something i was learning to appreciate A LOT!! I got a couple of hours sleep, before arriving in Delhi and being met by Waris...the friend I had met in Mumbai...

It was absolutely FREEZING when i got off the train. Waris and I got in a tuk tuk to take us to his appartment...and I'm telling you if i had bollocks they would have frozen off by this point!! It was bloody ridiculous, but was preparing me for the harsh realities of England. We stopped at an egg stall where Waris bought me breakfast, and then went back to his home where i slept like a baby for a couple of hours...

Waris then took me to his ACTUAL appartment which was bloody stunning. He was getting work done on it, so was staying in temporary accomodation. I had a shower, then he took me shopping to get all me prezzies for me fam!! I was extremely grateful to have him with me as he bartered down all the prices for me, instead of me paying 10 times the actual price of the items!! What a god send!!...I then had my first indian maccy dees experience...before catching up with one of his business associates for some much needed beverages. This was a totally different side to the Delhi I had seen before, and it was eye-opening to see how different people can live in India....

Waris's business man then lent us his scooter which took us back home. Wow, this was my first time on one of these in India, and it was pretty exciting!! If i trusted myself more with vehicles, I think I would have driven one myself....but i probably would have died!!..That night, we hit the town with him and his brothers and went to a bit of a "seedy" bar for bevvies. On point of arrival, me and his brother got in a lift and my worst nightmare occured!! The lift crashed and was stuck in it for about a bloody hour...I was screaming inside, but tryin to keep a cool deameanour. My claustrophobia was catching up on me, and I had vivid daymares of dying of starvation in that lift...

Spent the rest of the evening drinking rum and cokes, and laughing at them all practising the bollywood moves!! To begin with I wasnt so sure about this...but was really learning to love it. Thats the thing about India, there a lot of things that just take a while to get used to, but once you are used to them you love them (even the people that poo on the road!!).........After drinks, the others left and Waris took me to a late night cafe, we had biriyani and then hit the hay...

I awoke in the morning a bit frantic. I was having fits again about staying or leaving. I really didnt want to go, and being a spontaneous old bean I ALMOST said fuck it again, and missed my flight on purpose. But then my sensible soul kicked in, and told me I really SHOULD catch my flight and make a go of it in England. If it didnt work out, I could always come back. For once I decided to stick to my original plan................soooo I scrambled together my belongings and made a dash for the airport!! After printing my ticket off at a neighboring hotel, I arrived 5 mins within the cut off point, said my emotional goodbyes to Waris who had been a complete angel to me since I'd met him and I couldnt have appreciated him more...

But there I was on me own again...standing in line for my flight home, and I was crying. I dont know if I've ever felt so sad to leave a place...every second I was soooo close to running out the door and back into the arms of India!! I know I sound like a cheeseball, but I really couldnt give a hoot. It had taken my breath away...

Buttt I caught my flight, which I knew was the right thing to do...and made my way to the land of chilly willies Ye Olde UK........I had a horrendus cold by this point which was also dampening my spirits!! With a 10 hour stop in Saudi Arabia (which was horrif...no-one to talk too and nowhere comfy to sleep...altho a nice soldier did buy me some croissants!!)...I boarded the 6 hour flight to England!! We arrived at 6am, but got stuck on the plane for hours waiting for something to happen. When I finally did get off, my luggage took ages to come and I missed my train home!! Had to pay £40 for another train.........having just spent a 5er in India for a 28 hour train journey, I was not impressed!!!

As I sat on the train home, I pondered upon my experience in India. I don't believe that a person can dramatically change in a matter of 2 months...but at this point in time, I was feeling stronger (it may sound like a cliche but its true!)...I felt stronger in the sense, that I felt more at ease and accepting of who I was. I had been through chickpea puking, bum chafing, infected cole slaws, nakedness in the indian ocean, eating my whole body weight in aloo gobi and chai, been abandoned on motorways, conversed with rabid monkey's and dogs, been hugged by a guru, been confined on a train for 28 hours, nearly drowned in a tidal wave along with alllll the other scenarios...and LIVED to tell the tale!! I really felt like I could accomplish anything from now....I was sad to be home, but I was positive about a brighter, happier future!! THE END!!!!

Left to die on a motorway at 5am...oh and apparently im a celeb in mumbai?!

kittychumley — Tue, 7 Feb 2012 08:26:00 GMT

So I was on the bus, safe and sound breathing a sigh of relief at the thought of finally being on my way to the great unknown!!...Initially I thought I was going to sleep sound as a pound on this bus, the seats reclined and I was bloody nackered from my partying antics the night before. Butttt, could I be more wrong??!!.....the seats reclined so much that the two people in front of me were practically sat on my chest. I had no room for my legs and felt short of breath. Who the hell designed this thing??!! ... Anyway after trying various rather awkward sleeping positions, I decided to move seats as there were a few spares where the people in front had been a bit less selfish in their sleeping needs.

Nonetheless I had a very uncomfy night and awoke feeling stiff and grumpy at 5am, with some-one shaking me asking me where I wanted to go in Mumbai. My reply was "Colaba Causeway"...this is where most of the cheap hotels and touristy bits were, so I assumed they'd be going there anyway. But the man just shook his head and told me he was not going this side of the city!! He said that they would drop me off in a second and I would have to get a taxi from there. Reluctantly I agreed, and gathered my eyesight along with my belongings to get ready for a serious ear ache of a journey...

It was worse than I imagined!! They dropped me off in the middle of a motorway...threw me my bag and drove off. Fighting back the tears, I hailed down a taxi to which all of them quoted me ridiculous prices to get to Colaba and claimed to speak very little english. In the end I had no choice but to accept one of the heavily over priced taxis!! I just wanted to get into a hotel and sleeeeeep! So after a short drive, we arrived at completely the wrong place...at which point I mustered all my strength to get angry and demand that he take me to where i wanted to be. I got out the map and he eventually drove on!!! Once in Colaba, I took a walk to find a cheap hotel (I knew this would be a mission as all the hotels in mumbai are expensive!!)....but like some-one sent from above, a raggedy old woman approached me with a number of hotel cards wishing to take me somewhere of my choice. I picked the cheapest and off we trotted!!

She was a fairly sweet older lady, and I felt sorry for her. She obviousley had very little money, and was a widow...she seemed insistent on selling me "brown sugar" aka herion though, which I politely refrained from. I must have looked in need of a good fix...catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I did look pretty disgusting!!! Anyway we finally arrived at the hotel, but found I had to wait a couple of hours before a room would become available so I went for breakfast at the famous "Leopolds"......After my eggy brekky, I went back to the hotel and the room was STILL not ready!! However, a friendly indian guy called Waris managed to speed the process up a bit and it wasnt long before I had a room.

I spent the rest of the day moping around the city, missing Vicky and missing the beach. I missed the beach so much in fact I went to Mumbais very own "Chowpatty Beach"...I knew I wouldnt be able to sprawl out in a bikini there but I didnt think I would be stared at soooo much!! Literally every single person on that beach was staring at me and I began to feel very self-conscious. I picked up my book, and started walking back towards the taxi rank to head back to colaba, before being stopped by literally 100, 000 INDIAN BOYS who all wanted photos with me. Once one person had one, they allll wanted one. I wonder how many indian family photo albums I'm in now???

When I finally got back to colaba I was exhausted. I tried to stock up for my 28 hour train journey...but I felt exasperated as I kept getting ripped off for everything I tried to buy. I was angry and tired, so went on the internet to catch up on my facebook world......and like something else sent from above, it turned out a girl Kate who we'd met in Palolem was in Mumbai as well...so we arranged to meet in Leopolds for a drink!! It was so nice to see a friendly face and good to catch up on what had been happening to us since we'd last met.....she even supplied me with sleeping pills for my 28 hour journey, which all the pharmacies had refused to supply me with!!..Thank the Lord!!

My next drama would be waking myself up in time for my 6am train in the morning. I had to be up at 4, to get a taxi at 4.30 to get me there for 5.30!! Having lost my phone, I bought myself a cheap "winnie the pooh" watch so I had some idea of the time and asked the hotel staff to give me a knock. I had another restless night sleep worrying about it, until I heard a knock at the door at 4am. It was that guy Waris, who had helped me earlier on in the day. He had been out partying and knew I needed to get up......ANOTHER GOD SEND!! What I have found is that even in the most horrendus situations, there is always a glimmer of hope and usually its just in the form of a really nice person helping you out...

Anyway, he came with me to the taxi and when I told him how much I was paying he told me I was paying wayyyyy too much. He tried to negotiate down for me but the driver wouldnt budge...so Waris decided to come with me to the station. We chatted about life in general, and it was nice to have a bit of company. When we got there, he very kindly split the taxi fare with me and helped me with my bags to the platform. I was already blown away with his generosity, but this continued as he got me on the train and negotiated with my hindi train buddies that I have the top bunk rather than the bottom!! Sooo much better for me as it would mean having my own space for 28 hours and not sharing a seat with god knows how many indians who id be unable to communicate with...

He then stayed on the train with me until it departed...and I really had a sense of if there is a God out there, he had actually been pretty kind to me since leaving Goa. I had had some ups and downs (and these ups and downs are so much harder when you're on your own!!)...but I had been blessed by meeting some really genuine ole' folk...

So the journey to varanasi had begun...would I survive on a train for 28 hours, or would I simply commit train track suicide in a bid to escape the confides of my own erratic boredom??!!

to be continued

You cant beat a buffet brekkie, boys who like reggae and the start of my lonesome journey...

kittychumley — Mon, 6 Feb 2012 22:55:00 GMT

So we left the ashram skipping down the street as we went to catch our train to Kochi, where we would spend the night before going to Goa!!

Once we arrived in Kochi, we caught a tuk tuk and asked him to take us to a cheap hotel. The second one we came across was a bit pricier than we'd hoped, but we were all too tired to care and fancied a bit of luxury after our bleak experience in the madhouse. Vicky and I marvelled at the clean white sheets/sky tv and HOT SHOWER!! A hot shower had been unheard of in my world for the last few weeks!!

We had a quiet night...ate out, watched a bit of telly and after the novelty wore off we fell asleep!! We awoke in the morning with plenty of time to catch the train, and took off for breaky and to find some much needed bathing materials. After stumbling across a little corner shop selling all our amenities and practically buying the WHOLE shop (which left the owner positively orgasmic!!)...we went back to the hotel to spruce up then caught the train!

I LOVE travelling by train in India. Watching the world go by before your eyes is simply magical, even if it does involve having to view the odd person taking a poop on the railway tracks. Our train arrived in Goa at 4am, we hung around for a bit before heading to Panjim where we had arranged to meet up with our friend ABI-who is a professional poker player and had just won 400,000 rupees or something ridiculous! We rocked up at his hotel (which I have to say for us was bloody luxury beyond belief!)....he welcomed us in and then very generousley offered to buy us breakfast at the Marriot hotel. Oh sweet jesus....this has to be one of my fave breakys ever!! All you can eat with everything you can imagine....even SAUSAGES...in india??!!... Soooo, after eating the whole buffet and admiring the grandeur of the hotel we decided to catch a taxi back to our favourite place ANJUNA!!

Although anjuna isnt the most beautiful of places, it has "party a plenty" and I fancied letting go before heading off on me tod for the final part of my trip!! We arrived and after finding a hotel, hit the beach immediateley! I needed to update this tan!!....Another reason for coming to anjuna was to catch up with our friend Mike, and before long we saw him ambling down the beach to which he was met with euphoric hugs!! We decided to go to a psy trance party in the evening...which wasnt really my cuppa tea, and was heaving with rather rude russians who kept giving me dirty looks...so we turned in early!!

The following night(and my last night with Vicky!)...we got glammed up and went out on the razz again! The beach looked relatively quiet...UV was pumping but the music in there is simply horrific, so we continued to walk to our fave bar Lilliput...where they were amazingly having a REGGAE/DUB AND BASHMENT night. I think I peed myself a little bit!! Anyway Vicky and I were immediateley on the dancefloor and I dont think I left for about 5 HOURS!! It was blooody ammazin'...there were a couple of guys who were in a reggae band , and omg they were such incredible dancers. There really is something about men who can dance!!! Anyway we got chatting to them for a bit and they invited us to their show the next day.....which left me with another dilemma, do i leave tomorrow or do i just stay in Anjuna for another week??!!!....Really I need to get better at making decisions!!

Anyway, dancing all night in Lilliput always provides so much comedy value!! Indian men really LOVE to dance and at one point I had about 6 different men dancing around me in a circle playing "Simon says" literally copying every dance move I was doing. There was also a bunch of old indian hippies getting down to the reggae....a man in a full blown suit bustin some moves and an array of other oddballs.....I LOVE this kind of craziness and this is why I LOVE india!!....After the reggae had finished they smashed out some classic dance tunes and Vicky and I held each other as we mourned our last night as travelling buddies!! ..As the night drew to a close I left Vicky with an Irish fella she had met, and walked around aimlessly looking for my hotel before deciding to head back to Tantra (remember the tree houses i mentioned in a previous blog!) to hang out with some peeps I had met earlier.

The next day I felt simply vile and mmmd and aaarred about whether I should leave that evening or not!! It wasnt until an hour before I was meant to leave, sat in Tantra eating curry with Vicky, Mike and Leon that I thought to myself I really HAVE to do this...go off on my own and do my own thing!! So I scrambled together my belongings, and said my weepy goodbyes to Vicky.....it was so sad to leave her, and driving off in the taxi towards the bus station I wept pure tears of sorrow for me travelling bud! When I finally arrived at the bus station it turned out to be the WRONG one, so had to get another taxi to the RIGHT bus stop...which turned out to be in the middle of nowhere on a random abandoned bit of road with not a tourist in sight. My immediate thought was to grab a taxi right back to Anjuna, but I decided to stick it out for a bit...

As I waited and waited and waited at the bus stop with no-one in sight, I came across a guy and asked him if I was in the right place! He assured me I was, so I stuck with it. I then saw a bus that looked a lot like the one I was supposed to be on driving down the road...so I asked another passyby if I was in the right place, and he was like "Nooooo!"...."You need to be down there!".....to which I grabbed all my bags and legged it, waving frantically at my bus, which thankfully stopped and let me on. This is one of the many things that pisses me off about India...you can't seem to ask anyone anything and get a straight answer, which if your not careful means ending up on the wrong train/bus/city entirely!!

Anyway I was on the bus...that was a start!! Onwards to Mumbai, and ready to start an entirely different journey to the one I had already experienced...

to be continued

Photos: Palolem Palolem Palolem

kittychumley — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 19:20:00 GMT

from the beach to the asylum.....Amma the new Jesus Christ??!!...Im not so sure!

kittychumley — Sun, 5 Feb 2012 03:05:00 GMT

So after the others left, Vicky and I decided to stay a few more days in Varkala...Mike had another party planned at Blue Marine and we didnt want to miss it!! On the night of the party, Mike had gathered a large group of people together and we all sat happily drinking and chatting enticing passers by with our good humour...

What I love about Varkala and India in general is the eclectic group of people it attracts. Round the table we had a mixture of all age groups/nationalitys all very very different people with very different stories to tell...but all getting on like a house on fire. I was particulary intrigued by a guy named Rodney who came from America...he must have been in his 60s and had been travelling most of his life....he was UBER tanned and UBER friendly. He was so pozzy about everything, and chilled out.....its refreshing to be around people who have not a care in the world!! It eases my worrying nature!!

Anyway as the drinks and conversation flowed, more and more people came to join the party and after a while we moved the tables and chairs to create a dancefloor as people started to feel the urge to move!!! The indians working at Blue Marine requested to have their own music on this night, and it was only fair to let them....although some of it was horrendus and their mixing skills were pretty poor!! But nevermind!! As the night drew on, I have very little recollection of what actually happened...met some hilarious people including another FRODO BAGGINS lookalike who had no feeling in his nipples...literally we all had a good chew on them and NOTHING!! His mate also a JUSTIN LEE COLLINS lookalike provided us with a lot of banter...especially when he slapped this sleeping indian's belly, who then jumped up and proceeded to launch in to JLC...until he HAD to leave!! OOps....funny though!!

The following day, Vicky and I had planned to leave but could not find the strength to do so, nursing seriousley bad hangovers!! I had also managed to somehow do my back in (probably by showing off at how low i could go on limbo!!)....so we stayed one more day!! Mike also had a 10am train to Goa to catch, which he had overslept and MISSED!! So we were all as bad as each other in the end.......we spent the day doing bugger all, eating and feeling sorry for ourselves!!

The next day we decided we really must go. I had been pondering on visiting an Ashram and Vicky said she'd try and give it a go too. We went to lunch before catching the train, and bumped into a guy we had been hanging out with called Leon-he decided to join us on our spiritual journey! Eventually early evening we left.....the train journey was only 3 hours long but was completely jam packed!!Each station we stopped out, no-one got off and more people got on. I was relieved when we finally arrived at our stop as I dont think I could have coped with any more people on that train. However as we were trying to leave, the people on the platform proceeded to try and get on and I ended up sandwiched between about 100 people unable to move and barely able to breath. One woman had her whole face and body squashed against the wall of the train, and she started shrieking!! I began to worry that we would be crushed to death....but with a lot of pushing and shoving we eventually made it off. We were one of the lucky ones though...

We then got a taxi to the ashram and travelled in silence all pondering what an earth this ashram was going to do to us. Was it going to enlighten us??!!....Were we about to embark on a spiritual journey?!...or were we about to enter the realms of a brainwashing mental asylum!!

We arrived and all nervousley made our way to the reception. Everyone was wearing white and seemed to either be deep in thought or muttering to themselves in manner of a madman. We then made our way to our rooms....Vicky and I saw we were sharing with some-one else who had a stuffed Amma doll next to her bed (Amma is the Guru which the ahsram is centred around!!)....Vicky mentioned how she thought the stuffed doll looked like a bit of shit wrapped in toilet roll, and I was begining to wonder whether we would fit in here after all!! After setting up our beds for the night, we went to the main eating area to have dinner...

Breakfast, lunch and dinner in the ashram involved grabbing a tin plate from a large bucket type thing, queing up and having rice/dhaal/chickpeas thrown onto it....when you have finished your grub you have to wash it up and put it back in the bucket!! After this, we decided to head back to our room...there was really nothing else to do. On our way back we met an american guy who said he had turned up at the ashram 6 years ago and never left. I started to panic that this might happen to me!!

When we got back to our room, the lady we were sharing with was there. She was an older lady from Sweden and Vicky and I were on our best behaviour trying not to swear and be as polite as possible. She told us a little bit about what to expect, and seemed nice in general yet she still had that rather glazed expression in her eyes which seemed common amongst the people of the ashram.

Anyway this night I had the most terrible nights sleep!! The beds were squeaky, the old dear was snoring and my back was absolutely caning!! I awoke grumpy and wishing wholely that I was not in this bloody ashram.....it was already making me feel miserable. We made our way to breakfast, followed by a trip to the ashram quack to see if i could get some strong pain killers for my back. In the end they booked me in for physio which I had to attend later on that afternoon! The rest of the day we spent outside of the ashram smoking cigarettes in a local cafe/playing shithead and drinking chai. We decided after a while that we really should partake in some of the activities, so we went to one of the meditation sessions on the beach...

This involved us just sitting on the rocks, watching the sun set over the ocean. One of my favourite things to do and I really had no problem meditating here!! At 6 I had to attend my physio....the woman doing the physio was a volunteer and had been in the ashram for 10 years or something ridiculous. She seemed very normal but continued to tell me how she thought Amma the guru was the new Jesus Christ. I was very intrigued by this point...She said that before I left I simpy most go and receive DHARSAN from Amma. This basically entails queing up for hours to get a hug from her, she is known as the Hugging Saint!!

So I went to inform the others, and we decided to receive dharsan the next day prior to leaving!! We awoke to find a note on our door requesting that we visit the office ASAP as we had "forgotten" to sign up for our voluntary cleaning service which everyone who stays in the ashram is supposed to do. OOPs! As we were leaving anyway we decided to give this a miss. We grabbed our tokens for Dharsan, then headed out to our safe haven cafe to smoke and play shithead....whilst we were there a "clown" from America made us some apples out of balloons and started to preach to us about Amma and all her wonderful ways. I was intent on listening until he began to rant on about some monkey God he also worshiped!! It was then that I switched off...and my thoughts started to wander along the lines of "is this a mental institution?!"

Heading back to the ashram to receive our hug from Amma, we got stuck behind a bunch of cows being led by her followers. There was a chinese girl following closely behind skipping and playing the tamborine and chanting in some weird foreign language at which point me and Vicky looked at each other and thought....we need to get out of here!!!

We joined the que for our hug and waited with nervous anticipation as to what might happen!! Everyone spoke of it being a life changing experience, and I had an open mind to this. There was literally hundreds of people queing up to receive this miraculous hug, and a thousand other people chanting in hindi "amma is amazing" "amma has hair like the sky" "amma is a god".......and i was thinking, god this guru must really LOVE herself!! As we got closer and closer, Vicky and I were sweating profusely, what was this amma going to do to me?!!

Well after my hug from her I have to say I was thoroughly disappointed!! She literally grabbed my head and thrust it into her bosoms, whilst chatting and laughing with all her "disciples" and paying me no attention whatsoever...she then whispered some babble into my ear which was completely incomprehensible, gave me a sweet and sent me on my way!! Vicky and Leon had the same experience, and we could not wait to escape!! We departed with an immediate sense of relief and headed to Kochi where we would spend a night before making the long ole' trip back to Goa...

to be continued

Photos: Anjuna Crimbo/New year

kittychumley — Sat, 4 Feb 2012 04:26:00 GMT

Houseboat heaven, the easy life and a free snog at sunrise?!!...

kittychumley — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 00:46:00 GMT

So we decided to leave Goa behind us and head further South to Kerala to do something other than just sit on the beach being lazy by day and partying by night!! We got the overnight train, boshed a sleeping pill and were out for the count till morning when we arrived in Kochi....the main part of town was just full of noise and traffic, and was generally unpleasant, so we got the ferry over to Fort Kochin which is meant to be rather quiant, where fisherman fish and such!!...the ticket que for the ferry was huoge, but as we were waiting in dismay we realised there was a mens que and a SEPARATE womens que with about 2 people in it....this is the amazing thing about India, us girls always get to jump the que/escape the over crowded trains in the "womens" carriage and get free entry to clubs!! BRILLIANT!! Never have I felt so happy to own a pair of breasts!!

Arriving pretty zonked, we hit a cafe for a coifffee...Angie and Joel took off to find a hotel, whilst Vicky and I waited and waited and waited. In what seemed like hours they returned and had found a relatively cheapy one!! Once showering/brushing teeth and feeling human again, we took a walk around the town which did in fact have a very chilled ambience about it!! I cannot begin to stress the difference between the north and the south of India in this respect....travelling up north keeps u constantly on your toes, whilst travelling in the south the days go by at such a slooww pace, you completely forget what day it is and how long you have even been there. Each day glides peacefully into the next!!

Anyway, one of our main reasons for coming here was to book a houseboat to take us round the backwaters of Kerala. We hit gold, and managed to book an overnight one for the next day at a very good price!! The rest of the day is all but a hazy blur...another typical day in the south!! Oh yeh one important thing that I DID do this day was change my flight....yay, another 3 weeks in India!! The following morning we awoke early to catch a bus to where we needed to catch our boat......

When we got there, a man came to meet us and took us to our boat which was bloody lovely!! It was well equipped with TV and speakers so it wasnt long before we got the Ipod out and wacked out some tunnness. Begining with the chilled out sounds of Jamie Woon and Moby, moving on to Madonna and all the classic singalong bangers which had us all singing and dancing round the boat...even the boat driver was getting involved!! For most of the journey though we all sat at the front of the boat soaking up the beautiful surroundings...palm trees/little villages/calm waters/sunshine and general bliss. A place where worries do not enter the equation!!

We stopped a couple of times, once for lunch which consisted of some of the most amazing food i've had in india. Fresh fish/salads/rice/dhaal and loads of southern indian delights!! We stopped again to swim (if we wanted!)...Joel and Vicky jumped in, I was a little reluctant so climbed in as gracefully as I could before being sure that there was a water snake attaching itself to my foot...so I got out again very quickly!! We sailed for a little longer while we witnessed yet another stunning sunset before setting up for the night in a bay next to what we think was the drivers home. We took a little walk around the area and met some village children etc...before getting back on the boat for din dins!! More lushous grub!!...The crew then left us to it as we played numerous games of shithead, drank beer, got the reggae tunage out and generally got the giggles. Joel performed a burlesque routine for us, and I don't think Vicky/Angie or I moved from our chairs for a very long time...until we started getting paranoid that the moon was talking to us!!

The following day we were taken back to Fort Kochi via boat, and went to stay back at the same hotel we had been at before!! Joel and I took a walk around the area and checked out a number of art galleries/teashops...we had heard rumours that there was somewhere serving CREAM TEAS...but to no avail, we settled for dry chocolate cake and a cuppa earl grey instead. However that evening we decided to splash out a bit on dinner and went to a restaurant that served italien cuisine (was run by an indian/italien couple!)...I had my fave PIZZZA, and profiteroles for dessert!! YUMS!!....Feeling very full and a tad bloated we headed back to the hotel, packed our bags ready to leave in reasonable time in the morning for another beach town (cant seem to stay away from the ocean!)....Varkala here we come!!

The 5 hour bus journey to Varkala flew by, and we arrived there early evening and went in search for a hotel. We found a cheap one which wasnt particulary nice (I think me and Ang only had light in our room for about 2 hours of the day!), and the walls were a vile luminous yellow colour...but it did the job!! We got ready and took a walk to find all the restaurants etc....they were all located on a long stretch on the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean in the most stunning manner. I knew immediately I was going to love this place!! Each restaurant was so inviting, and all sported a table of assorted fish for you to chose from....including absolutely ginormous sword fishes!! We were bloody starving so ate at one of the first restaurants we came across which had a pretty lively atmosphere, it was called "The Rock n Roll Cafe"........After eating my whole body weight in masala poppadoms and curry we got on the cocktails (a pound a drink, who can resist!!)...

Well on our way to being drunk, we decided to check out what else varkala had to offer...we found a place called "The chill out bar" which had been recommended, but it bored the hell out of us!! A nice place to CHILL, but everyone was just sat around getting stoned and drinking ginger/honey/lemons...so we hit the road pretty soon and went back to Rock N Roll bar where we met up with some travellers we had met previousley met in Anjuna...Nathan and Mike!! After dancing the night away, and meeting a variety of odd balls including a man who claimed he was from the moon...Nathan invited us back to his hotel Blue Marine where they apparently kept the bar open till the early hours. We stayed up chatting until sunrise (AGAIN) on the rooftop overlooking the ocean...and I felt very lucky to be in such a beautiful place with such lovely people!!

The next day we spent (you guessed it!) on the beach. In order to get to the beach you had to walk past all the restaurants to some very steep steps down the cliff front...the beach itself was relatively small, half of it populated with westerners, the other half with indians!! The water here had a very very strong current and we had received a lot of warnings about people getting swept away. Me not being the strongest swimmer was a tad worried about going in...which I should have been, almost as soon as I got in there a huggggeee wave which I tryed to run away from broke directly on my head...I got sucked under and nearly lost my bikini bottoms, DID lose my sunglasses and had nipple on showage whilst desperately trying to retrieve my dignity.

On the way back from the beach I stopped at Blue Marine as I had promised the owner Yoshi that I would put a party on for them the following night...so I designed a flyer and then printed a load off for Mike and I to to hand out!! As a desperate measure to make people come I put FREE SNOG AVAILABLE TO ANYONE AWAKE AT SUNRISE at the bottom of the flyer...unfortunately unless ya English a lot of people dont know what a SNOG is, so having to explain what it was to everyone became a bit tiresome!!

The next day before the party Joel went for a full body massage and Vicky and I went for indian head massages!! What a load of turd...we payed a cheap price and got what we paid for, some-one scrubbing my head vigourusley for an hour was not what I'd bargained for!!...In the evening, we all sat at the front of Blue Marine with drinks, put on Vickys ipod and enticed people in to the party!! Before long we had a huge group of us drinking and being merry...and we eventually got everyone on the dancefloor. Whenever anyone walked past the place, some-one would go and grab them and force feed a vodka down their neck. The night was epic.....we played loads of limbo/enjoyed 4 way/5 way/6 way snogs and generally had A LAFFFF!! The only downfall of the night was Joel and I falling out and spitting and shaking that we would NEVER speak to each other again. This was pretty short lived though and just drunken silliness!!....Angie bless her got so "drunk" we had to walk her home...it was a very slow process, but absolutely necessary. There is nothing between the pathway and the cliffface and it would be very easy in that drunken state to topple off onto the rocks!! We had heard of several cases previousley and were not about to let this happen to Ang!!

The next day was Joel, Louisa, Ang and Hayleys last day....boooooo!! We were all hanging so didnt do much. We went for a lovely meal...Vicky, Joel and I shared a tandorri fish...then we all hit the hay, only to wake up at 3am and say our goodbyes. This was a very sad moment, and I shed a wee little tear!! Travelling with these guys there is never a dull moment, and I have had some of the most amazing experiences with them-both in India, and South East Asia!!! Love you allll!!

So it was back to me and Vicky again...we decided to stay in Varkala a tad longer as we had fallen in love with the place...

to be continued

Feeling at one with nature, dolphins made me cry and naked yogis...

kittychumley — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 23:18:00 GMT

The taxi ride to Palolem was bloody awf!! We were all nursing dodgy bellies, and Vicky eventually had to get out and be sick!! When we got there we were all desperate to dump our stuff and eat...so we found these basic little beach huts which were located right on the beach!! I loved the place immediately...it was completely different to the craziness of Anjuna, completely chilled and the perfect place to enjoy the sun and watch the days go by!!

The first night was a bit of a write off for ang and vicky who felt so ill they just had to sleep!! However, Joel, Louisa and I took a walk along the stretch of the beach to eat and soak up the serene and peaceful atmosphere. All the restaurants were on the beach front, and most had BBQs sporting the local catch of the day. I was in need of a good fish!!! The next day we all just chilled and topped up the tannage. However I had to take a trip to the local quack as I had developed a horrendusly infected coleslaw which was petruding disgustingly from my lip...it was vile!! It looked like leprosy and I was begining to panic that I DID have leprosy. But the docs just gave me some anti biotics and vitamins.....and with the help of Joels prayers (I made everyone pray that it would get better, people were dodging me on the street!!!)...it did eventually get better!!!

The next day we decided to be pro active (get up early for once!!) and take a boat trip to see some dolphins etc. I wasnt expecting to see any but we did....I was soooooo happy!! I simply love them. I felt at one with nature, and this feeling continued throughout the day as we did a spot of fishing (Vicky caught one!!) and Angie caught a poisonus eel which we had to let go, apparently if we had touched it we would need 12 injections!!! ooh errr!! We then went to a secluded beach called "butterly beach"....it was bloody lovely, and sitting on the rocks overlooking the ocean I was begining to feel rather emotional!! It was then that I realised I really did not want to leave India so soon!!

The next couple of days were spent just topping up tannage, eating, drinking and doing what we do best-laughing and being silly!! However we decided that we really must go out one night...so we got a few bevvies in after dinner, and then went for cocktails at COCKTAILS AND DREAMS (pound for a mojito, bargain!!).....however nothing exciting was really happening, and no-one but Vicky and I were really up for getting right on it!! So we got a tuk tuk to one of the silent discos that happen in the jungle. We werent expecting much but omg it was bloody AMAZING!! The place was heaving with westerners, and we had 3 channels to choice from all of which were wicked....they even played a bit of JENNA G, so was v. chuffed with that. Anyway we met a group from Jersey and ended up partying with them all night......they were hilarous, if but a bit CHAVTASTIC!!]

After the party had finished and Vicky had had her "moment" to Mr Brightside...we had noooo money for a taxi back to the beach so had to jump on the back of 2 random mopeheads with 2 indian blokes. In case they got the wrong idea I told them we were married cage fighters so they "better watccchhh outtt..." if they wanted to mess with us!! It was a good ploy but I doubt they believed us. Anyway we arrived safely!! We headed straight back to cocktails and dreams to watch the sunrise and OMG we saw dolphins AGAIN but this time right up near the shore. I think I cried!! Vicky was tired so we eventually went back to the hut to find that it had been infested with bees...I managed to get stung, but this could not kill my buzz...so I took Vickys Ipod and walked the strech of the beach my feet in the waves listening to vocal trance and feeling VERY in awe of the world...feeling utterly content and happy with my life!!

The walk itself was also hilarious because I kept seeing random old men doing naked yoga!! I contemplated joining in, but then I remembered my promise to myself....so headed back to the hut to lie in the hamoc. Joel had awoken by this point so we took another walk, had lunch in clifftop cafe and chatted all about the meaning of leeeff. What better way to spend a day!!

That night we ate in a fancy restaurant (well fancy for India!!)...I had fish and chips, banofee pie and even a glass of red...how very delightful!! This was our last night in Palolem, and in fact our last night in Goa. I was sad to say goodbye, but excited about moving on to pastures new!!!!

Goodbye Goa, Hello Kerala!!

to be continued

I'm on Indian TV at Sunburn festival, our luxury appartment and naked at new year...

kittychumley — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 01:47:00 GMT

After a few days of recovering, Vicky and I were all set for our 3 day bender at Sunburn festival!! Luckily a load of people from our hostel were going, so we all jumped in a taxi (the fezzie was at a different beach!)...to collect our tickets and go and partayyy on. the psy trance by this point was giving me a serious headache, so was looking forward to some decent mooosic...

Whilst queing up for our tickets we realised that we were the minority in terms of westerners going to the festival, but this seemed to work to our advantage as we were filmed several times by several camera crews. We were then interviewd by Indian TV, to which Vic (one of the South African guys!) managed to damage our "respectable" Western image by shouting out "LETS GET DRUNK AND CHUNDER!!" live on air. oh dear. Vicky was then filmed whilst getting her bag searched, and I was filmed sticking my bum in the air and giving it a good old slap. No change there.

The bars in the main arena were not serving alcohol until the evening. Whattt??!! so we went and sat on the beach to have some bevvies and play some drinking games. When we eventually went in, it was nearly time for the festival to finish...oops, but managed to catch a couple of DJs. Gabrielle and Dresdon in particular were fookin amazing...especially when they banged out a dubstep mix to one of their tunes. AMAZING!! After the fezzie we headed back to the beach, and met a group of lads from London...before heading back to the hostel for a good nights kip before DAY 2...

On day 2 of Sunburn we had to check into our LUXURIOUS appartment where we would be spending New year with our beloved Jollyon, Angie and Louisa. So we checked in and marvelled at the fluffy pillows, duvets and air con which was to be our home for the next week!! We then met up with the rest of the gang from our hostel and hit the fezzie. This was probably one of the most hilarious nights of my life!!! If you want details of why this night was so hilar, perhaps i will express only in a private message!!! One of the highlights was seeing Pete Tong when he played CASSIUS SOUND OF VIOLENCE-one of my all time fave songs, and a great way to finish the night!!

After the fezzie we went back to Anjuna to meet Angie and Louisa who had just arrived. it was so nice to see them!! We ended up on the beach stuffing our face with egg rolls (the local veggie kebaby and perfect for end of the night alcoholic munchies!!) The next day we were abruptly awoken by Jollyons arrival....again was soooo good to see him. He arrived with the land lady BEV, who wanted our payment for the appartment. We were all a bit zonked and as angie came in to give Bev the money she let off a massive fart (one of many angie explosions to come on this trip!!!)...Bev looked a little taken aback, whilst we were all in stitches!!

The 3RD day of Sunburn we hit the beach as usual, but only Vicky and I had tickets so we left the others to get pissed whilst we went in and partied. We saw Axwell and Above and Beyond.......omg i had a massive moment to Axwell "leave the world behind"....my love of house music has returned, i MUST visit ibiza next summer!! When the fezzie came to a close, we went to meet the others with the other london lads we had met........Joel had managed to attract a sugar daddy who kept following him around, and continued to get on the chairs and tables dancing until an Indian man came and hit him over the head with a plastic chair!! We moved swiftly on, and eventually to bed!!!

30TH JAN- this involved beach and sleeping, nothing more!!!

NEW YEARS EVE.....a night i will never forget!! I can honestly say it has been one of my best (if not THE BEST) new year to date. We decided to invite everyone to our appartment for drinks prior to party time. There were about 10 of us in the end...we all played "ring of fire".....got merry, got our bums out....the usual start to a good night!! We then hit one of the local psy trance parties at a venue called Hilltop. Its basically a place for complete and utter nutters, and we werent really in that state yet so we decided to head back to the beach to see the clock strike 12!!

When the clock did eventually strike 12....Joel and I decided to run down to the sea in the nudders. We ran down holding hands with our 2012 tiaras on, and as I flopped around in the waves I really had the sense of another fantasic year on the cards!! However as we scrambled back up through the waves, we realised we had attracted the whole beach to come and stare at our pasty naked bodies.....all dignity lost. most of them were indian men and had probably never seen a naked girl before. some-one shouted "get a t-shirt on that girl!!!".....to which about 20 indian men were offering up their t-shirts for me. It was a tad embarrassing, but at the same time liberating so I do not regret it!!

After the aftermath of nuddy beach, we went back to the party at Hilltop. The music was still horrendus, but we all had the giggles and were having a lafff. Especially Angie who could not STOP laughing at all the oddballs in there. There was the man with the dodgy moustache/the blond haired old man wonder in dungarees who Vicky kept mistaking for Louisa and a fat old hippy Joel and I kept pretending was our dad. We then got on stage and flashed our bums at the crowd. Dont think I will ever get over the need to make an idiot of myself onstage!!!!

As the music drilled into our souls we decided to head back to the bar "Lilliputs" on the beach....the music was wikkkkd, and I was not ready to go home!! Angie on the other hand was feeling rather peachy, so we all got in a taxi and dropped her off back at the appartment. By this point Vicky and Louisa had had enough too so they hit the hay, and Joel, myself and some boy he had adopted who we named FRODO BAGGINS made our way back to the party!! We named him Frodo as he looked like a hobbit and had hairy feet.

We were all set for a day of New Years debauchery...and started off by another naked skinny dip but in broad daylight!! Joel and Frodo went in first, and I hesitantly did the same. Oh dear. I have now made a pact with myself that I will no longer get naked in foreign countries, especially religious ones!! No-one seemed to care but i need to stop losing my dignity!!

Anyway, we went home eventually, woke up the next day feeling like some sort of alien species who did not belong on this planet, let alone in goa!! We all swore to ourselves we would NEVER drink again....maybe not the wisest decision!! However, the rest of our time in Anjuna involved being very chilled, catching the rays, eating, drinking tea and havin a good old nattter and catch up as old friends!!

We had one more night out at some club inland, which was ok. It was 600 rupees all you can drink which was pretty amazing!! but i think they spiked the alcohol as i felt simply horrendus the next day, as did we all. We were all sick, and had to catch a taxi to our next destination PALOLEM....feeling absolutely rancid, but ready to move on to quieter shores...

to be continued...

Christmas in a bikini, falling out of tree houses and SNOOP DAWGG

kittychumley — Sat, 7 Jan 2012 21:28:00 GMT

This blog is AGAIN very overdue, but its rather hard to find the time to write out here when there is so much fun to be had!! I promised myself I'd do it though, so I will!! (although I may have to summarise, memory of an elephant!!!)

So Vicky and I had FINALLY arrived in Goa...after a rather sticky train journey with no food and very little to drink, we had much anticipation for our party and beach frolicking destination!! We shared a taxi to the party town named Anjuna...our home for the Christmas period was an 8 bed dorm called Anjuna palms sharing with a bunch of fellow travelling party peeps like ourselves. We spent the first evening with a couple of South African guys...made our way past all the market stalls down to the beach (where all the bars are!!) to check out the scene. After dodging various bars blaring out the old psy-trance (something you cannot avoid in Goa, and just have to get used too!) we arrived at a bar called Lilliput playing music more along the lines of house and techno, and immediately felt right at home!! Being a girl in India really works out at times...I was constantly supplied with cigarettes and drinks, and made my first discovery of the local beverage FENNY, which we naturally translated to FANNY...so it was the case of "FANNY AND COKES" all round!!

The following day was Crimbo eve. Spent the day on the beach soakin up the rays (this is probably what we did everyday except when we were too hungover to move!!)...and then met up with everyone from our hostel to watch the sun set over the sea in a restaurant called TANTRA which was set in the palm trees (literally tree houses) overlooking the beach. It was DIVINE!! We then got doled up for the night and hit a bar called hippies, where we reunited with our indian friend Abi (we love abi, he is literally the happiest man in the world, and radiates sunshine...YES sunshine!!!)......after various drinkypoos we began to meet more travellers and came across a couple of lads from B'ham. Ended up partying with them til dawn and running down the street hugging random indians singing Crimbo songs full of festive cheer. We even adopted a street dog for the day, as it had followed us all the way from our hostel down to the beach. We named it SNOOP. SNOOP DAWWWGGG...

Christmas day was a bit of a write out!! With the intention of staying up all day in Tantra getting pissed with Will and George (bham boys)...we managed to fall asleep in one of the tree houses. When we awoke George proceeded to mention how dangerous he thought these tree houses were (they were about 12ft high with only a very steep laddar to get down!)...whilst doing so, he managed to miss a step and fall to floor with a loud thud...severely bruising, maybe even cracking a rib!!! To make matters worse when we left to go home, George who was diabetic collapsed and hit his head on a stone statue of Budha.......I nearly pooed my pants, I literally thought he was a goner!! but thank god his mate Will knew what to do and he was ok...was a bit of scare though, and after this fiasco I think we all felt ready for bed so said our goodbyes and hit the hay!

Vicky and I managed to get up to party again in the eve though! It wasnt particulary exciting...I gave a beggar woman my christmas hat (my one charitable deed of the season!!)...and we met some guys from London who shaporoned us around for the night, before returning home for some much needed sleep...

Anjuna itself was very much a touristy place, and did not really feel like the India we had just been in, or seen or heard of in the media. However it was refreshing to finally be in a place where we could meet people, eat the food without the anxiety of having the shits, and enjoy an alcoholic beverage!! The beach was nothing special, but it was a beach nonetheless. The most hilarious thing about it was the fact that hundreds of stray cows were left freely to rome. A cow on a beach....who would have thought??!! You would happily be dozing on a sun lounger to be rudely awoken by a cow licking your ear. They also would all sit down together in groups by the bus stop. Vicky would yell "haaaa, look at all the cows waiting for the bus...." It really was quite hilar!!!

After Christmas we had a couple of quiet days as we awaited the rest of the crew to arrive and for Sunburn festival to commence...

to be continued...

camels that chafe, another horrific bus journey and slumming it in mumbai

kittychumley — Fri, 6 Jan 2012 21:23:00 GMT

I have rather a lot to write as I havnt been on here in YONKS....simply because i've been having the time of me leeefff!!! So much has happened and so much to tell, hope i don't bore you, but I will start from where I left off...

We had just arrived in Jaiselmer and were sitting on the rooftop of our hostel sipping a chai and catchin the rays!! Our main purpose for visiting jaiselmer was to go on camel safari in the indian desert, so we sat with one of the guides to arrange!! After a bit of bartering on Vickys part we managed to book a trek for 1500 rupees....and spent the rest of the day exploring the city and doing a bit of shopping ( bought about 5 million anklets, all of which I have now lost!!)

In the evening we sat and watched the sunset from the rooftops whilst chatting with workers from the hostel who proceeded to tell us all about life in india. They were all lovely, and i was begining to like the indians more and more the further south we got. One of the men told us how all the stray cows that rome india are left to eat the rubbish off the streets...their bellies get so full of plastic that they cant eat anymore and end up dying of starvation. And cows are meant to be HOLY in india???!!

The following day we set off on our trek. Luckily we had a really good group which consisted of us, 3 australian girls, a greek guy and an indian dude named Santosh. Before we'd even got on the camels one spat on me...great start!! Especially as their mucus was positively green and smelt like cabbage!! They continued to fart and poo for the rest of the journey!! We stopped a few times, and the men of the desert cooked us delicious desert delights....until we finally arrived at a sand dune where we would set up camp for the night!!....the camel journey was EXTREMELY uncomfortable and at this point i had serious bottom injuries (chafing!) right up my crack.

We then all sat round a camp fire whilst the men cooked us dinner. Santosh played us some of his bhangra tunes which i am learning to LOVE!! And taught us some of his latest moves as well. It got us all dancing round the fire, and the atmosphere was simply magic. The men of the desert then sang us traditional songs using plastic bottles and tin plates as instruments. Following this, the camel men suggested "a night time camel trek"....which at the time sounded very appealing...

However after being lured into the desert in the dead of night in seperate groups we started to get a little suspicious!!! When one of them then said "you girls want to come to private sand dune and make private fire??"....our suspicions were confirmed. Vicky saved the day and demanded they take us back!! Poor camel men, i guess they were just trying their luck...but NO sorry!! We returned to camp safe and sound and all slept out under the stars. It was divine....saw a few shooting ones, made a few wishes and all was good!!!

The journey back to the hostel was via camel which did my sore bottom no good at all. but the only other option was walking!! After a quick shower we then had to jump on a bus to Mumbai!! Another horrific journey...involving us being thrown around at the back of the bus for about 10 hours!! To be honest, I'm suprised to be alive!! At 3am we arrived somewhere in the middle of nowhere...it was here that we had to catch a connecting train to Mumbai...

This journey was even worse than the bus, as we were all rammed in together on the most hideousley uncomfy seats for about 7 hours!! The heat was unbearable and the stench of sweat progressively got worse. Arrived in Mumbai in the blackest mood EVER....we got driven around for about an hour in stifling heat looking for a hostel with a taxi driver who spoke absolutely NO english. Everytime we stopped beggars would come up to the car door and stick their amputated arms through the windows in the hope of a few rupees. This is the part of India that I hate!! Its sad...but theres really nothing you can do about it, and you end up just becoming really irritated.

Eventually we found a hostel at the Salvation Army. It was a tad pricey but at this point we had given up!!! We also gave up on Indian food for a day and opted for the dominos option....my first pizza of the trip!! The following day we were offered to be extras in a bollywood movie which i would have loved to do, but we only had one day in Mumbai and I really wanted to do a tour of the slums. So we booked one for the afternoon and spent the morning eating, drinking and shopping...........Mumbai was HOOTTT, and i looked like a sweaty mess by the time we had to visit the slums...

The slums were incredible in every sense of the word. I dont know what I was expecting. I guess I just expected complete poverty, but it wasnt really like that. In fact it was a lot cleaner than Delhi in some parts and there was a real sense of community. First we were taken to the area where everyone works. The men work in horrendus conditions....for a ten hour day they receive just over a POUND!!!....i am going to try my hardest to NEVER complain about my job again (please remind me of this when i do!!)!! We were then taken down loads of little alley ways to visit peoples homes. To be honest the conditions weren't as bad as I thought. It was a tad cosy, and compared to western living standards it was awful...but everyone seemed happy enough, especially the children who were soooo happy to see us. However we were then taken to a rubbish tip where all the kids play. This was the saddest picture. The children were literally playing in squalor!! There were flies everywhere, and they were happy to play with broken bits of plastic and old bits of food....yet they seemed HAPPY!!...I really need to start appreciating my life more!!

After leaving the slums, we headed back for an early night as we had an early train to goa in the morning!! On the way back we saw loads of Indian carol singers, so we joined in for a bit of "ding dong merrily on high", before hitting the hay ready for a a crazy 2 weeks of beach, parties and shhhhhhunsine baby...

to be continued...

A night in the bathroom, piss in a bag and freezing to death on a bus!!

kittychumley — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:47:00 GMT

Soo...its taken me a wile to write on here again due to the shitty internet!! literally india is stuck in the 1900s, this is the first half decent internet cafe I have found all week!! I will start my story from where i left off (which was in Agra after seeing the taj!!)....

Having decided Agra was dirty and smelly and full of rabid dogs and cows....we took a morning bus to Jaipur which is meant to be the pink city or something. Bus journey was pretty uninteresting, we just got stared at a lot which im now getting used to. We arrived early evening and got straight to a hostel...had dinner on the rooftop, lovely food!! But i started to feel a little queasy from all this curry id been eating and decided to hit the hay...

the queasiness unfortunately did not subside and i spent the rest of the night sprawled out on the bathroom floor puking my guts up. there were literally chickpeas flying out me nostrils left right and centre. NOT COOL!!! Luckily though it was just a 12 hour bug and felt right as rain the next day, so Vicky and I hired a tuktuk driver to take us on a tour around Jaipur...

to be honest I wasnt that impressed. there were some lovely buildings, but all the buldings are just surrounded by rubbish or people taking a piss or a poo...it kind of spoils the picture really. There are also a lot of beggars everywhere...Vicky and I were not sat down for 2 minutes when about 10 women surrounded us with their children asking for money. One woman even shoved her baby into my hands at which point we gave her 50 rupees and she buggered off leaving the others very pissed off that we didnt pay them anything!!!

Sooo, after all this we decided it was time to move on to the next place Jaisalmer...in the hope for a little peace and quiet from this stressful city life!! We took a sleeper bus which looked quite comfortable, was a double bed at the top of the bus...however the ride was very very bumpy, and about half an hour in Vicky and I were desperate for a wee!! After much contemplation we decided that we may have to piss in a plastic bag...desperate measures!! But at the speed the bus was going we realised that this was near enough impossible without pissing all over the bed.....luckily the bus eventually stopped!! Vicky still managed to pee on her trousers and feet though as we had to crouch behind the back of a lorry surrounded by MORE wild dogs.......theyre everywhere!! Im scared one will bite me and I will become rabid!!

The rest of the bus journey was horrific...i awoke at 4am feeling like Rose Dewitt Bukator from Titanic in the scene where she is freezing to death in the Atlantic Ocean!! It was fecking freeeezing....I actually thought I was going to die from the cold. So Vicky and I huddled together to try and stay warm in the hope that the journey would soon be over. Who would have though India could actually be so cold??!! Wish Id packed thermals!!

At 9am finally arrived in Jaiselmer to be met by glorious sunshine!!! We went straight to our hostel which was in the middle of a fort and absolutely stunning. goodbye smelly skanky India....this is the India Id been looking for. Old castle like buildings, windy alley ways, quaint markets and beautiful beautiful SUNSHINE!!! We sat on the rooftop which over looked the city with a chai tea....I loved it immediately. The people, the atmosphere....I was finally begining to see India in all its beauty!!

I will update with what happened in Jaislemer in my next blog, followed by our long trek to mumbai...

Homeless in Paris followed by smelly delhi and rabid dogs

kittychumley — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 00:06:00 GMT

Soooo after a long wait for me flight at heathrow finally boarded the plane for fair Pari on monday night. It was all dandy until I actually got there....forgot how much I hate Paris and how rude parisians can be (sorry frenchies!!)....After receiving very little help from anyone and the ridiculous hotel prices I decided to rough it in the airport.......HORRENDUS!!! The only place I was allowed to stay was a freezing cold lobby, full of weirdos trying to talk to me in french....there were a few other people sleeping there but they all had sleeping bags and pillows!! In the end I settled for sleeping on a radiator/metal pipe to try and keep warm, it was v. uncomfortable and I was extremely wary of all the strangers walking by.......however I survived, and at least now I know I can sleep anywhere if I really have to!!

The flight to Delhi wasnt too bad...I was sat between an African missionary and little tibetan woman who was practically the size of my thumb!! The missionary continued to pray for our safety which helped with my flying nerves (only a tad!!)...I finally arrived around 2 in the morning, with Vicky waiting for me (thank god!) with a driver to take us to our hostel. Our hostel was down a dark alley way and stank of piss and shit...plus there was about a hundred what looked like rabid dogs barking outside...oh and a cow!! I quickly dodged the dogs and cow and made me up to the room. Room smelt like a stable and the toilet was a squatters one....nooooo!!! However was pleased to find a bed!!

My day in Delhi was an interesting one. Never have I seen so much traffic....tuk tuks, cars, rickshaws, cows, dogs, people the list is endless!!! We found a rooftop cafe and had a pretty nice breaky then wandered the streets for a bit of a nose. Bought some budha pants/indian jewellry etc so now at least I look the part. In the evening went to an amazing roadside cafe and had thali which is basically loads of different veggie curries with rice and naan......the food is AMAZING, and I havnt had the shits YET!!!

Today we left for Agra to see the taj mahal. The train journey was hilar....the people in india are off the hizzle!!...Anyway the taj was STUNNING....so beautiful and I cant believe I was actually there. There wasnt much to see inside though!!

Anwyway thats it for now...ta raaa!!