my traveling shoes

Limbo-living for beginners...

fiona — Mon, 4 Apr 2011 09:12:00 GMT

I've moved to England. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe?? Well I'm here and while on the one hand still living out of one suitcase and have no idea where I'm going to be living in 3 weeks, on the other hand, working 9-5, paying bills and struggling to find a bank that is open on a Saturday. You can see why I'm feeling so ambiguous.

I decided about a month ago that I really needed to use my as-of-yet-still-ongoing unemployment to develop some skills. To challenge myself. To do something more mentally taxing than filling in the blanks on an application or coming up with new and interesting ways (???) to format my CV. You see, I've had this fear deep down that if/when I finally do come across gainful employment, my brain will pour out of my ears and flee from all the unexpected effort.

So I decided to take a course. I signed up for the one-month CELTA course to learn to teach English. Because you have to start off easy right? And after all, I already speak English, right? And that's half the battle here, RIGHT?? Hmmmmmm

To be fair it's not as though they didn't warn me it would be this intensive. On the website. And during the interview. And in the acceptance letter. And in the NAME of the course. I guess I just didn't believe them? But here I am, after my first week of 14 hour days, and difficult coursework, barely keeping afloat and LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!

Because you see, limbo-livers (not to be confused with limbo-lovers, not the same thing) thrive in this space known as transient structure. Most of us are essentially petulant new-borns. Yes it's nice to be able to stretch and switch up the view and all, but after 9months somewhere, it's hard to get quite comfortable anywhere else. So this course has offered me and my poor limbo-living head some structure. It's become my swaddling blanket. And while I can't wait for the day I can toddle off towards some new adventure, this will do quite nicely for now.

108

fiona — Sat, 1 Jan 2011 17:57:00 GMT

When my boyfriend tries to placate me, I call him "Chamberlain", and when I'm particularly combative, he calls me "Churchill". I was combative today, but with none of the good reasons Churchill had... I'm having difficulty adjusting to life as a full-time-job-hunter and as much as I keep trying to set it aside till January, to go off and be drunk and happy along with all my other limbo-loving friends...well, I've not been able to and JANUARY HAS COME ANYWAY!!

There is so much running around my head at the moment, from time to finances to Nicaragua (long story) that I feel overwhelmed...regularly...and am not handling it terribly well...however, there is one little thought that keeps rattling around in my head, whenever I can drag my head off my arms long enough to think properly...108. I'm realizing more and more that what I want my one TRUE new years resolution to be, is to SUCCESSFULLY (if only once) complete 108 sun salutations in a row by the end of the year.

It seems impossible and totally atainable at the same time. As always, in severe over-compensation for my UTTER lack of organization, I shall have to be a little OCD about it. There may even be charts and calendars involved. And no, the irony that my search for Zen-ity should revolve so heavily around charts, has not escaped me... But part of Zen-ity is humility and I humbly accept that I am closer to Pig-Pen than I care to admit, and I have to aim for Lucy to get anywhere at all...

That said, the chest-gripping anxiety that has followed me around the last few days seems to have relaxed somewhat since making this decision, allowing for something that is completely mine, and private, and wont be measured or invested-in or argued about by anyone but myself. Something that I have complete control over. And I finally feel I can say something up to a couple of hours ago, I was unable to... So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish 2010, I can't wait to see what this great big world has in store for me in 2011.

Half way out of the dark...

fiona — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 13:41:00 GMT

This year has been...well...complicated.

In my oppinion however, "complicated" has a bad wrap, and while, a little over a year out from my "aha" moment that drove my itchy feet out of Mexico I still have NO idea how (when, WHERE) this is going to end, at least I've managed to add a little to my global bag-o-tricks.

I've learnt to Snorkel this year (and loved it...but shhhh don't tell), learnt how addictive a smartphone can be (answer: VERY) and have been to at least two parties with the fixings of some random recipe in my handbag...(I think I'm taking my sister's acusations of my "bag lady" tendencies to a whole new level here).

I've made new friends, re-connected with old ones, and learnt to let go of ones that had run their course. I've learnt a new language (Twitter counts right?), found new and lovely corners of the city I grew-up in, and survived a year (and counting) in a long distance relationship. And perhaps, most importantly, have decided to stop admiring, and start DOING.

As one of my dear friends says, "life is NOW" and while this past year has focused on healing (physically, financially, academically... some completed more successfully than others)I do think its time for this coming year to start on a "to do" list of sorts. And since the goal of this year is to GROW, "Half way out of the Dark" seems rather a fitting time to start.

1) Blogging: I'm rather like a sleepy cat, there is little in this world I enjoy more than finding that one sunny spot, despite the weather outside, the sun has still managed to warm. And in the long, dark, teatime of the soul, there are several wonderful website that I fondly refer to as my "pretty things" that have served as my sunny spot. For this I thank them with all my heart. And while this note by no means implies I have finished my romance with them, I do believe its time to start creating something. Anything. And since bread seems out of the question....

2) Bread: Maybe not out of the question but my Achiles Heel?? very probably. I had honestly hoped a print out of a reservation at some breadmaking (or pasta making, or knife skills) workshop would turn up in my stocking this year but alas, it looks like I'm going to have to revert back to trial and jaw-braking error on this one, because I'M. NOT. GIVING. UP.

3) Handwriting: We're going for consistently legible here although who am I kidding, I'd love to have interesting, artistic handwriting that I could twirl into a flourish when sending hand-written greetings (HA! right) and keep simple when scribbling notes on my delightfully whimsical design blog (HA HA!! - I should mention at this point that I'm an anthropologist... not a design bone in my body...they're all geeky ones instead)...I'm pretty sure baby steps is the way to go with this one

4) Yoga: DO IT! Its so pointless to keep reminding myself of this one... I love it so much and yet I can't seem to get my rapidly expanding bum off the sofa!... I think this one will have to be filed under "Diciplina de las Nalgas" (literally "Butt Discipline")... you SIT there until its DONE... although in this case "Diciplina de los Perro Bocabajos" (downward dog discipline) seems more fitting)

5) Job: Get one. That Pays. That has regular hours. That isn't soul destroying...doable right?

Wish me luck!