Learning in Asia

The teaching part...

drewsweet — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 02:33:00 GMT

My more recent posts have been of the philosophical, life-pondering variety despite my initial intentions of sharing my experiences teaching in Thailand. So, I’ll dedicate this post to a recap/wrap-up :)

My teaching experience is winding down and I feel like it has gone by SO quickly! I have a hard time believing it’s already March and as I write these words my students are sitting down to write their final exams that will run until the end of the week.

I am so thankful for my experience teaching at Sakolrajwittiyanukul School up in the lovely little northeastern Thai town of Sakon Nakhon. My time here has allowed me to grow as a teacher, grow as a person, learn about a fascinating culture, explore a beautiful and often unseen part of the world and learn from the pure and creative intelligence of young minds. I will bring so many great memories, lessons and experiences home with me but a few stick out.

Teachers often say that there are trying days, days you want to quit and just give up, but once in a while you have a day that reminds you why you are doing what you’re doing. I think one of the things that keeps teachers coming back to their jobs is the student’s beautiful ‘aha!’ moment. One of my students that struggles with the English language, and consequently her English Science lessons, often reverts to drawing amazing pictures (usually sad faces on her tests L), when she is supposed to be doing work. In my first weeks teaching I took this as indifference and let it be, but as I grew as a teacher I took it upon myself to get Aom-Am to understand. I do not remember the topic I was teaching, but I remember the interaction so clearly. In Thai classes, there is a culture of copying. One student does the work and then the correct responses travel around the classroom almost at the speed of light to arrive on each student’s paper. I check their work and it is all exactly the same (I learned to deal with this later on). Anyhow, on this occasion, I was working with my artistically inclined student and the boys in the class kept interrupting my targeted tutelage to have me check the work that they so boldly copied. As I glanced at their work to give my nod of approval for them to proceed to play football in the back of the class, I noticed Aom-Am’s frustration at my divided attention. What I had initially thought to be indifference was just a lack of understanding. In that moment I realized that she wanted to learn but was having a hard time grasping the concept. I gave her my full attention and explained the lesson as clearly as I could and these efforts were rewarded with the coveted “AHA!” moment! I was so happy in that moment and so was Aom-Am, it was as if a fog was lifted and we celebrated with a fist pump and a high five. To my delight, she drew quite a bit less on the next test.

There were a few more moments like that during my time teaching, including one of my students that was failing scoring the highest grade on the test after I dedicated time getting her to understand the difference between scalars and vectors.

My teaching style and attitude changed so much from when I first began teaching. I feel as if I became more sensitive to the needs of the students, their moods and energies and I was thus better able to manage my classes. I go with their flow instead of fighting to have my way. The results of my dynamic approach were great! Students that were quiet initially would answer questions, and better yet ask questions! They wanted to know why? How? What is this and that? As a teacher, I feel like being asked questions is one of the most fulfilling aspects about the job as it confirms the students’ comprehension and curiosity about the topic. Although I must say to feel this fulfillment from teaching that the questions need to be related to the topic of instruction, because when I told the students that I had a significant other I was inundated with questions that ranged from: “will you get married?” to “do you have a son?”

Beyond the curious, smiling energy-filled students, the Thai teachers are equally amazing. We call them ‘mamas’ and they truly fulfill a matriarchal role. Their love and care for others is most evident when we share meals, they make sure that we are full and ceaselessly ask to make sure we have all that we need. They make us care packages, give us parting gifts and warm hugs to send us safely on our travels.

I loved teaching here so much and will always remember it. Probably the most touching memory I will have from my experience at Sakolraj was on my last day of classes when two students were waiting outside the classroom and told my that they were upset I was leaving because when I teach them they understand. That simple compliment was one of the highest compliments I have received and considering the trying days and amount of effort I put in, I will forever cherish that moment and be grateful for all of the learning that has happened in my short time here :)

Out to lunch

drewsweet — Tue, 24 Feb 2015 00:28:00 GMT

I often feel like we miss the beauty that surrounds us each and every day. It seems as if, at least in Western culture, Nature's beauty is regarded as a wondrous marvel to behold only when spectacular or uncommon sights are seen; however, we remain incognizant to Mother Nature's more frequent yet equally magnificent manifestations of Her beauty.

The sun rises and sets daily, but how often do you take time to notice it? How often do you notice the birds singing in the morning? Do you notice the colours of the leaves and the buds on the trees before they flaunt their beauty in full bloom? How often do you notice the wind’s soft caress on your skin as you walk briskly to your destination? Unless Nature's gifts are blatantly before us, we rarely stop to absorb the beauty in the elements around us, but more importantly within us! We are nature and She is us, but we ignore Her, block Her out as we gaze down at our phones while She tries to speak to us. So many of us are ‘out to lunch.’

This is no new observation to me, however this realization was compounded during a thunderstorm this week. I was sitting at my desk at home and I heard the long roar of thunder shaking the tin roof that shelters my room. It started quietly as if a distant jet plane and then the sound waves announced their presence in my more immediate vicinity as if a lion was outside my door, beckoning me to answer Nature’s call. I answered Nature’s knocking and walked outside to feel the cool evening air that held the feel of impending rain.

When I first glanced up at the dark, cloud-filled sky, it immediately lit up into a bright white, almost as if the sun had returned high in the sky for a fleeting fling with the moon. Darkness returned almost as soon as the light had appeared and moments later the distant sound of rolling thunder filled the night air, accompanied by the rustling leaves and creaking trees unable to resist being tussled by the wind. I stood there, devoting all my senses to absorbing the beauty of my surroundings. In doing so, I noticed that I was alone. I am sure the others that share my living accommodations heard the events transpiring, however none of them cared to enshroud themselves in the sensory ambrosia of the incoming storm. I considered extending an invitation to my colleagues but I was too engrossed in the moment to even lower my gaze from the cloud canopy. I’m glad that I kept my eyes fixed above because I saw numerous lightning strikes directly overhead and felt as if I could hear every single crack of the thunder that followed the magnificent, branch-like, electrical flashes. Soon after, I heard raindrops falling on the leaves of the plants beside me, but had yet to feel the water on my body. I extended my arms to let the rain kiss my skin, the cool drops quickly covering my body until I took shelter. I sat for some time and continued to watch Mother Nature water her beloved earth bound organisms.

It is difficult to put into words the elegant simplicity of a storm as the smallest details culminate to create the awe-inspiring natural phenomenon. While enjoying this simple, natural gift I could not help but think that all of my living mates were likely sitting in their rooms at their computers consumed with media and games, totally ignorant to the brilliant light show happening right above their heads. I feel as if this oblivion is all too common in our lives. We only break our gaze from our phones if something screams to grab our attention. What I find humourous is that if this 'something' is an awesome natural event, most of us likely grab the closest piece of technology capable of taking a photograph and put it between ourselves and the phenomenal display. I understand wanting to share beautiful experiences with your social network, but how can you share a captured moment if you were barely even present to absorb the ephemeral beauty of a fleeting sunset?

I guess all I am trying to say is that there is beauty in every day and it is readily accessible. The simplest things in life can be the most beautiful. I do not like the clichéd nature of that statement but it holds so much truth. I believe it to be true because all of Earth's beings are variant manifestations of the incredible beauty of life itself. The same amazing and beautiful life that is housed within each one of our bodies. It is unfortunate that we separate and distract ourselves from the life around us, however I find it even more tragic that we are equally disconnected from the life flowing within us.

One of the simplest and truest pieces of knowledge I have gained on my personal journey deals with this common affliction and I would like to share it with you. Pay attention! Simply, pay attention to…everything! What’s around you? Notice the sounds, smiles, colours, your moods, foods, breaths, steps, birds, words, feelings, meanings, clouds passing, kids laughing, is society collapsing??

There is so much to be noticed all around us, and so much of it can bring a smile that will vibrate within you and radiate around you. Try to notice things that are a part of your daily routine that you may have neglected to appreciate, you may be surprised at how great your lunch tastes!!

Lots of love,

Andrew

Photos: December

drewsweet — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 22:09:00 GMT

Pictures from December in Sakon Nakhon

...and remember to smile

drewsweet — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 22:06:00 GMT

Over the last two weeks, I learned a lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. The source of this revelation stems from the often-unrecognized wisdom that is stored in youthful minds. A twelve-year old student of mine taught me a life lesson that led me to have my best days of teaching since being in Thailand. For this, I am ever grateful and I can only hope to positively impact her life as she has mine. In order to tell this story, I need to backtrack a bit.

Last week, my seventh grade Science class was learning about weather. I decided to teach them about the causes of wind, so, I took the students outside to observe the weather. I bought jumbo thermometers and we took temperature readings at the school and then at a nearby lake. We then observed the direction of the wind on the lake, looked at some crocodiles and then gradually meandered back to class. In my mind, it was now time to cement what we had learned outdoors. In the students’ minds, it was time to socialize. All I asked of them was for five minutes of attention, which I failed to garner. This led to significant frustration on my part as I thought I had planned a pretty cool lesson, but the students couldn’t respect this enough to give me their attention just for a few moments.

The resentment I felt with this particular class carried over to the following day, even though I was teaching a different subject. We played a game in Health class and everyone had fun, even teacher! As I walked to my desk at the end of class, Mint, one of my seventh grader’s, showed me the peace sign and smiled, so I returned a silly smile and continued to walk to my desk. When I got there, I looked back up at her and using her hands, she indicated to me that I should smile. I did smile back, however I cannot truthfully say that it was an authentic smile. My face was smiling, but behind this smile was the realization that my inner tension and frustration was showing. Even after a fun class, these young innocent eyes could read right through my false smile. Needless to say, I was taken aback by her gesture and once I returned to my office I sat still, contemplating what had just happened.

If a semi-successful seventh grade class on weather class changed my most basic expression of happiness, what does this mean about my overall attitude? What was scary to me was that I had attached myself to a negative experience and transposed those emotions to an entirely different class, to a different day and potentially neglected the learning that took place in my successful class. I was essentially blind to what was unfolding in front of me because of a previous, unrelated experience.

How often does this happen? How often are we blind by anger, anxiety, self-consciousness, vanity etc.? How often do we miss the beauty unfolding before our very eyes because of our personal thoughts? How often are our thoughts and moods results of attachments to previous situations that no longer exist? How can we avoid all this craziness?! Well…it’s simple, a twelve year old can answer: you can smile!

Smiling is a simply elegant solution to you getting stuck in your own head. Try it! Walk around smiling for absolutely no reason and see what happens. How do people react? Do they smile back? Do they look confused at your apparent happiness? Are you still thinking about whatever was bothering you? Try it even if you’re by yourself!

I find that smiling makes me present and aware of all that is happening around me and stops me from thinking about nonsensical and trivial matters that occasionally consume my mind. Smiling is the most basic and primal expression of one’s joy. It is so intrinsically linked to our nature that simply smiling for 5 minutes causes you elicit a physiological response that makes you happier! Smiling makes your body release happy hormones J

A smile is the most accessible and affordable form of therapy, albeit highly under-prescribed and underutilized. It is fitting that I learned this simple lesson while in the “Land of Smiles!”

I started to apply this to my days here and found that it lifted my mood when my mind would drift into undesirable trains of thought. It allowed me to erase thoughts of past classes, past problems, past issues and bring me back to the beauty of the present moment, thus allowing me to enjoy the best week of classes I have had in my two months of teaching! The amazing thing about smiling, too, is that smiles are reflected by the world around you. In taking each moment as a fresh start and smiling, the world will undoubtedly smile a beautiful smile back at you! So smile a bit more this holiday season!!

Happy Holidays!

Andrew

36 Hours in Laos

drewsweet — Wed, 3 Dec 2014 23:45:00 GMT

Things in Thailand are different than in the Western world. There is a common saying: “Mai pen rai,” which means “no worries/not a problem.” This saying is used quite liberally here, so much in fact that in order to assimilate into the culture seamlessly you must adopt a ‘mai pen rai’ kind of attitude. I am saying this to preface the fact that my first month of teaching in Thailand I had been working illegally on a tourist visa – mai pen rai! I think I have adopted a Thai way of thinking because thoughts of deportation did not cross my mind; I had faith in 'the system!' Joking aside, I am glad that I came on a tourist visa because this gave me an opportunity to do a visa run in Laos and obtain a (legal) working visa.

I left Sakon Nakhon on Sunday afternoon, travelling 5 hours by bus to Nong Khai via Udon Thani. The bus to Udon was a big one and the ride went smoothy. On the way to Nong Khai I had to take a minivan bus that was filled to capacity, every seat was taken and most available legroom was occupied by various parcels and packages to be delivered in addition to the human cargo. This bus system was a bit different as all patrons knew where they were going and the bus would drop them to their desired locations. I, unlike my fellow commuters, had no idea where I was to stay that night and didn’t know how to say ‘hotel’ in Thai. Lucky for me there was a man on the bus that heard my struggle with the driver and told me, in surprisingly good English, that he lived next to a guest house near the Thai-Laos border! This chance meeting restored my calm as when we arrived in Nong Khai he led me to the quaint Mut Mee guesthouse that was owned by an older expat named Julian. The guesthouse was right on the Mekong River and you could see Laos across the water. I arrived at sunset and unpacked my knapsack in my simple room and then head out to take some photos, explore the lazy little town and indulge in the local cuisine.

At 6am the next morning I had to meet the Visa agency at the 7-11 near Thai-Lao Friendship Bridge. Getting there was interesting… I was drive-by harassed by a very persistent lady-boy riding her bicycle. Once I evaded her, I learned that I was waiting at the wrong 7-11 for some time while I was being harassed by Tuk Tuk drivers that seem to always assume that all foreigners (farangs) are in need of a Tuk Tuk. Just my luck, I needed one. Not worrying that I furthered the farang-Tuk Tuk stereotype, I took a ride to the border at met with the agent who promptly told me to stand in a line to get my passport stamped. He then took my passport and then pointed in a direction where a bus was waiting. As is the norm when it comes to public transportation in Thailand, the bus was filled to capacity. I was basically hanging off of the side of the bus, however I found myself to be more nervous about the fact that I had left my passport with a man who was nowhere to be seen and was most certainly not getting on the same bus as me. There wasn’t much I could do because soon after boarding the bus, I was headed for Laos.

After a 10-minute bus ride crossing the Mekong, we arrived in Laos and I was relieved to see the man who had my most important of documents. He walked the Visa Run group through all the required steps and then we all shuffled on to another bus that took us to the Royal Thai Embassy in Vientiane where we applied for the appropriate Visa. The entire process was quick and painless and we were done by 11am, giving us the whole day to explore Laos' capital.

Vientiane is surprisingly small and underdeveloped considering it is a capital city. No complaints from me though because this allowed me to explore the majority of the city on foot in about 5 hours. The first attraction I saw was the Patuxay momument that was made from concrete donated by the French to build an airport runway, but after the Franco-Lao relationship went sour (probably always sour seeing as Laos was colonized), the Laotians decided to build a monument resembling Paris’ Arc de Triomphe. I appreciated the Laoitians' sense of humour. I then walked south towards the Mekong, stopping at a market selling Indo-Chinese crafts, mainly silk and silver, both which Laos are known for. The next stop was the original home of the Emerald Buddha, the modest and charming Sisaket temple. It was a small temple and the newer buildings were similar in design to Thai Buddhist temples, but at the center of the more modern pagodas was the originally maintained temple. I went inside and paid tribute to Buddha, and on my way out I struck up a conversation with a young monk who told me more about Buddhism, monkhood and his own upbringing in Northern Laos. After our exchange I walked down to the river and then meandered back towards the hotel, arriving at Patuxay just in time to witness a magnificent sunset.

My time in Laos was short, but sweet. I really enjoyed the relaxed feel of Vientiane. It was walk-able, quiet and friendly. I also liked that it was not overdeveloped, I didn’t see a single skyscraper or even high-rise for that matter. Where I am living in Sakon Nakhon, it is more developed, but in a downtown business-density sort of way, no high-rises here either. I like the quiet and calm that comes with less development. The slow pace suits me. This brings me to a quote that I had mentioned to a friend before leaving and coincidentally saw on a sign again during my night in Nong Khai:

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” –Lao Tzu

In the West we live by the clock, mindful of minutes and seconds, rushing the essential and beautiful parts of life to dedicate the hours of our lives to the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Life in Southeast Asia has taught me to slow down and savour all that is important in life, and I am glad because life is undoubtedly worth digesting slowly. We make time to make money, so why not take time to taste the food that nourishes our being? I think a good way to start is by appreciating all the good things that happen in each day. I have made a habit of expressing my gratitude for all things in my day and this gradually and naturally extends to life as a whole. I hope this simple and effective practice can help you slow things down and appreciate the wonderful gift of each moment we are given in life.

Love,

Andrew

Photos: Laos, Nong Khai

drewsweet — Wed, 3 Dec 2014 22:46:00 GMT

Visa run to Vientiane via Nong Khai

Photos: Thailand

drewsweet — Mon, 10 Nov 2014 03:05:00 GMT

The first month... Bangkok, Krabi, Koh Jum, Koh Lanta, Tonsai

Photos: Loy Krathong

drewsweet — Sun, 9 Nov 2014 22:50:00 GMT

Annual festival on 12th full moon in Thailand where floating lotus shaped vessels are released into the water to rid the bearers of evil spirits and in honour of the water goddess.

Saturday - A new day

drewsweet — Sat, 8 Nov 2014 22:22:00 GMT

Teaching in Thailand has no doubt been interesting. I do not know what other word to use as the overall experience is overwhelmingly positive, but Thais just do things differently. For starters, I thought I was coming here to teach English, but I learned the day before leaving that I would be teaching Health. That was no problem since it’s a passion of mine. I then learned the week before school that I would be teaching Health, Science and Computer Science. This came as a surprise, but I took it in stride - mai pen rai (no worries). Anyway, I will share more on the intricacies of the Thai educational system in a future post.

Back to Friday… I had to teach a 7th grade class about heat. The thirty students in the class basically had no idea what I was talking about, no matter how many illustrations, photos, examples and demonstrations I used. How do you not know what thermal equilibrium is!! I’ve explained it seventeen times!! Truthfully, I do not blame the students one bit, how can they be expected to understand concepts in a foreign language when they are handed such complex vocabulary.

This was my hardest day teaching so far, I expended all the energy I could dedicate to the class and still they were clueless. “Teacher! Mai kao jai, mai kao jai!!” - they just did not understand. I knew I had to rethink my approach, but would leave it for another day….which brings me to Saturday.

I am an introvert. There is no doubt about that I need my alone time. To me, it is restorative and nourishing. On this trip I have been constantly meeting new people, changing cities, changing roommates, all great things but extremely draining for those of an introverted nature. At the place I am living in Sakon Nakhon, there are 8 other English teachers, all teaching at the same school. So, needless to say, I am in constant interaction with an English speaking crowd. This makes me occasionally forget that I am in Thailand because I rarely need to use my (very limited) Thai. I wanted to develop a conversational ability while being here, yet I feel removed from the country.

On Saturday morning I set out on my own to explore my new town. I rode into the main area and started to look for somewhere to eat and found a little restaurant that was empty except for the cook who gave me a hearty smile. I accepted her nonverbal invitation and there began my first informal Thai language lesson. I asked her if I could eat and if she had a menu. I assume that she said no since she began to count on her fingers and say the names of some dishes I recognized. I stopped her when she said a dish I had yet to have and then requested that she hold off on the chillies just a bit. She then began to ask me some questions and I was immediately put into my students’ shoes - “mai kao jai!” She smiled and repeated her line of questions a bit slower to which I responded that I was living in Sakhon Nakhon and that I am a teacher at the local high school. She cooked up a delicious dish that filled me up with enough left over to bring home with me and sent me on my way to the local supermarket where I got all the things I needed for the week ahead.

When I got back home, I felt really good. My morning embodied my expectations of living in Thailand, so after my earlier realization that I had become complacent, this felt great! My spirit felt happy, so now I set out to enrich my mind for the day by coming up with new lesson plans for my classes. I was delightfully interrupted by a telephone call from a friend that led to a soul-satisfying conversation about life in Thailand, life in general and helping with each other’s challenges. Today was brutally hot, but as we conversed I sat in the shade of a tree and watched a storm come in. I felt the gradual change in temperature, the increasing presence of the wind and watched the storm clouds slowly block out the bright blue sky. I often paused in mid conversation to absorb the sights and sounds of the bamboo tree's leaves rustling in the rising wind. As we ended our conversation I felt the refreshing drops of rain on my skin, instantly cooled by gusts of wind. I had connected with a beautiful soul and now felt connected to our beautiful planet. I felt calm, centred and at peace. My soul had all that it needed, time to take care of my mind.

I pondered deeply for some time about how to relay the concept of matter to twelve year old English learners. In the space and calm of my day, I came up with a great idea and if I may say so, (humbly, of course) I developed an awesome lesson plan. This gave me a great sense of satisfaction because during my day I felt how my students had felt and I believe that this enabled me to become a better teacher…but we’ll see about that come Monday! This propelled my positive feelings to levels nearing bliss, I knew what I needed to do next. I put on my running shoes and went for a run around the lake near my house.

I was so grateful for the moments that ensued. The sun was setting as I ran beside the still lake reflecting a delightful selection of twilight colours. I began to express my gratitudes for all that was in front of my eyes and all of the amazing events of the day.

After running for some time, I started to head home but opted to walk for a bit. I’m glad that I did because this slower pace enabled me to take in my surroundings and I saw a tree that I can only describe as gargantuan. Its trunk looked like 5 trees fused together and its branches stretched out creating a canopy nearly as big as the university building adjacent to it. I paused here for some time and stretched my legs, which led to a full fledged yoga session in the dark under a massive tree. I’m pretty sure I got some stares, but they were the furthest thing from my mind because in that moment I achieved what I had set out to do in Thailand.

I took the time to love and care for my mind, body and soul and it felt (feels!) amazing! What is remarkable is that the majority of my day was spent in solitude but I gained a sense of satisfaction and contentment that I believe no one other than myself could give me. This complete change from the day before lets me know that what I am seeking can be attained but I must dedicate time and conscious effort to achieve my personal goals. Today was a refreshing and inspiring day and I will use it as fuel to proceed on my journey of growth while I am in Asia. I hope this account of my personal experience will inspire you all to begin or continue to build a relationship with yourself and cherish the sanctuary that is your entire being by loving and caring for your mind, body and soul.

Love and miss you all,

Andrew

Friday - An awakening

drewsweet — Fri, 7 Nov 2014 22:10:00 GMT

I came to Thailand for a reason. Packing up and leaving all I know for a foreign land after a quarter life crisis may seem somewhat impulsive, but my decision was no doubt purposeful. So, why have I come here? Spiritual enlightenment seems too grandiose a term to use to describe what I am seeking in Southeast Asia, however I did want to embark on a spiritual journey of some sort. I believe that we are three part beings, and to function at our highest capacity we must nurture our mind, body and spirit. This is what I intend to gain from my time away from Western culture; a lifestyle whereby each day entails love and care for every part of my being.

What care of mind, body and soul means to a person is very individual. What nourishes my soul may be like watching paint dry to another person. The things I have learned to love and that I gain spiritual satisfaction from are writing, reading, taking photographs, connecting with others on a deep level, connecting with nature and overall engaging in practices that quiet my mind. The aforementioned activities concomitantly appease the yearnings of my mind and soul, as for my body, it desires movement. I desire movement of all types, vigorous as well as slow but deliberate movement. I figured that immersing myself in a Buddhist culture in a rural town while attempting to engage and inspire young minds would effortlessly yield a satisfaction of mind, body and spirit. I was wrong.

I have been in Thailand for 7 weeks. That’s 49 days. And I am only now reaching out to friends and family to share my journey. I had intended to share my stories as they happened, but this clearly did not happen. I felt like I was busy all the time. Granted, I did have a lot going on, but truthfully I squandered my idle time. Perhaps squander is too harsh a word, I did journal and photograph a decent amount, but it was no different than my practices in Canada. Upon arriving in Sakon Nakhon, the Northern province where I am teaching, I felt that having a place to call home would allow me to establish a physically, mentally and spiritually satisfying routine. Wrong again.

Yesterday I had a harsh realization that was brought about by an interesting sequence of events. Maybe something was happening in the universe to shake me up as it was the 12th full moon of the year, whatever it was grabbed my attention...

Friday was my fifth day teaching and I had begun to get into a morning routine. While I was in the bathroom, I noted to myself that my mind was really racing this morning. I made no attempt to slow it down, I just continued with the flurry of thoughts that consumed my morning ritual. Before zipping off to school on my scooter I had to pay my landlady the rent for said scooter, so I picked up the two 1,000 Baht bills I owed and ran out to give them to her. As I handed over the payment, I realized that I only had one bill in my hand, so I quickly ran back to my room to get the other bill. While looking for it, I felt the mounting stress of having to leave for school as well as trying to locate the cash to pay my debt. I began to feel frazzled, but then found the bill on the floor. I picked it up and dashed for the door and in doing so I dropped the bill again! This induced some self-directed profanities and again mounted stress. I paid Lucy and then walked over to my Honda Wave to take out my sunglasses as by 6:45am, it is really bright in Sakon Nakhon. While removing my sunglasses from my bag, I dropped them on the floor. That was the straw. I knew something was off. A disturbing thought came to my mind: “I do not trust my hands.” I was about to get on a scooter to battle Thai rush hour and I did not trust a part of my body that could steer me away from danger.

“Breathe,” I told myself. “Stop, and breathe.” So, I did. I took three breaths, and on the third I realized that my ‘deep’ breaths were relatively shallow considering my pulmonary capacity. I stared at a big, beautiful tree and took in two more breaths that filled my entire lungs. These inhalations gave me the grounding that I needed. I rode my scooter safely and with steady hands all the way to Sakolraj High School. Upon arrival I was immediately grateful for arriving safely, and by expressing this gratitude I opened myself to being thankful for a whole bunch of things!

I expressed thanks for my lungs, my hands, my eyes, trees, the ground, etc. all the way to my office. I had not brought my journal on any of the previous days, but, perhaps by divine order, it was in my bag on Friday. I immediately wrote about my experience and in doing so I came to a harrowing conclusion: nothing has changed in my behaviour since I’ve been here. I had become complacent. I fell into a comfortable routine of just working and surviving, a routine no different than what I had been trying to escape. I had an idea of the person I wanted to be, the lifestyle I wanted to live, and I had forgotten it. Although upsetting, I did not see this as a failure, I was grateful that the culmination of events led me to an awareness that a conscious change was required. I wrote my intentions in my journal and on Saturday, they were answered.