Three Days to The Beginning

Chance Fear

chancefear — Mon, 11 Jul 2016 09:00:00 GMT

Chance Fear. We spend our lives being afraid of things. Afraid of heartbreak, afraid of failure, afraid of dark, spiders, thunder, illness, the list could go on. In the end, we wind up being afraid of life.

I spent a good portion of my life asking permission for everything I did. I was afraid to mess up or get in trouble. Then after living completely alone in a foreign country for several months, I realized that I was still looking to ask someone for permission.

I was alone, but it felt like I needed someone to tell me it was okay for me to travel, to meet new people, to try new things, to explore. Then I realized that wasn't how I wanted to live anymore.

All of this came to me after reading a quote online, "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." As cliche as it sounds, it changed my life. I worked with this idea for a while and came up with my own new way of thinking...of living.

Chance Fear.

This became my new moto. Everyone who heard it initially thought that I was crazy, but it doesn't mean what they thought it did.

It doesn't mean to put yourself in danger or to do crazy, stupid things. It simply means to take a chance at something, even if it scares you.

Travel to a new country, even though you don't speak the language. Try a new activity, even though you might suck at it. Ask your boss for a raise, even though he might say no.

The worst thing that can happen is that you fail, but if you never even try, you've already failed by default.

So then what is the worst thing that could happen?

That you succeed?

That someone takes notice?

That you take notice of yourself?

Take a chance at being afraid of something. Take a chance at succeeding. Take a chance at enjoying your life.

Chance Fear.

Faith

chancefear — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 12:07:19 GMT

Faith, to believe in something, seems so simple a concept. We can believe in science or God or Santa. As children we are filled with a innocence that allows us to believe all things with an open mind, but as we age we become more closed off to new ideas and beliefs. Yet, even as we close ourselves off, many still hold tight to the faith they had as children. I have been to many countries in the last year and one thing they all hold in common is that they are filled with places of worship. I have gone to these churches and cathedrals and synagogues and even partaken in their services. However, of all of the churches I have been to in the last year, there has only been one that did not request a fee to enter. When you sit through a service they collect dues or offerings or indulgences. Faith has become a business, however that new aspect of belief has not dampened the faith of the masses. As a whole we still gather at these places of worship to listen, to reflect, to believe. Our true belief, however, is shown not in these temples and mosques, but in our lives outside of these buildings. It is this: that hopefully, through our faith, we will lead happier, more prosperous lives.

Five and Ten Months

chancefear — Sat, 7 Jun 2014 01:56:00 GMT

I have now been living abroad for almost five months and though I still have just over ten months left here, I already cannot imagine how I will handle going back. I don't want to go back. Since moving to Germany I have found myself a much more confident and independent person. I have had to become that in order to meet people and enjoy life here. I live in a very small town that has a total of about fifteen to twenty people so meeting people was something of a challenge for me at the start seeing as I didn't speak the language, but (without the help of a language course) I have been learning the language through everyday context and use which has opened me up to meeting all kinds of people from all over the planet. I think we tend to forget that, that we are all part of one planet. We are raised to see the world as a broken sphere of separate powers, but really we are one people. If traveling teaches you nothing else, it teaches you that. I now have friends from England, Italy, Spain, Ecuador, Columbia, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, Namibia....A whole world of people that has come together in incredible ways. All with new perspectives and ideas and all eager to LEARN. That is the main desire. They crave the ability to UNDERSTAND the world around them and everyone in it. I can sit down to beer and coffee at a café in Heilbronn and discuss politics, religion, and culture with people from Bosnia, Italy, Serbia, and Nepal, and then turn around and gossip about our relationships with the same people who are having the same problems in trying to maintain a long distance relationship. It is incredible to live in such a global environment and it is incredible in a completely different sense to see the strain international political policy places on each of these people as well. The idea that a person can come from one country and be welcomed with open arms while a person with the same, sometimes better qualifications from another has to jump through one hoop after another in order to just get into the country, let alone find work, is terrifying. We are a world of cowards. That is what drives our lives and our policies. While yes, there are genuine threats in the world, there always will be, it seems like a detrimental decision to raise our people to live in fear of what might go wrong instead of with the courage to fight for the things that could go right. Meeting these people and living in this place I have come to recognize even more that my own country is filled with so many people who are content to turn a blind eye to the world around them. The 'world around them' doesn't exist. We are the definition of the 'us and them' discussion. There are too many people content to see the world through a blood spattered, rose tented lens and since moving here I don't know how I will be able to go back to living surrounded by these people without fighting to open their eyes. There have been many people from home who have discussed coming to visit me and I have told them all the same thing: please come. Please come, so that I can show you the damage left on this country by the war we see as their fault. Please come, so that I can show you the people who feel responsible for their country's past. Please come, so that I can take you to the hub where street artist after street artist sings words they may not understand with a soul that shows you their pain. Or the ones who draw so brilliantly in a medium that will soon be forever washed away. Come so I can show you the people I have met who came here questioning if it was safe to live without fences and using public transportation because back home that would surely have lead to their rape, assault, or death. Please. Come. So I can show you another way of life, another view of OUR world. I have been living abroad almost five months now and though I still have just over ten months left here, I already cannot imagine how I will handle going back. I don't want to go back. And in some ways, I never will.

Oh S---

chancefear — Mon, 2 Jun 2014 23:39:00 GMT

When you are bombarded by news from home and it feels like the world is beginning to cave in on you the natural thing to do is run, so I ran. I quickly threw on a pair of tennis shoes and yoga shorts, grabbed a flashlight and headed out the door at ten o'clock at night. Ran past my neighbors darkened windows and through the fields of Rapeseed. Further and further down the ragged and rocky trail. Then finally I collapsed. I couldn't breathe. I just sat and wept for maybe five minutes. Then I heard the noise. The rustling. I glanced out of my peripherals and saw the shadow. It slinked around from one tree to the next. It's glowing eyes fixed on me. I stood and when I did so it moved closer. I could see very clearly now that the creature stalking me was a fox. It advanced so I ran, sprinted actually, back to my door and inside the building. At that point so much adrenaline had built up that I ran up every stair to my third floor apartment too. When I finally got into my apartment and locked the door I just collapsed on the floor laughing. It may have felt like the world was halting on its axis to me, but that feeling doesn't stop it from actually spinning. That feeling doesn't stop life from going on, for any creature, and in that moment, that was the most comforting thing I could know.

Three Days to The End

chancefear — Wed, 14 May 2014 10:40:50 GMT

My goodbye party was coming to an end. It was around eleven o'clock at night and all of my friends and family were rushing to get their last pictures taken before hugging me tightly and running out the door to keep me from seeing their tears. "We are so proud of you," "You are so brave," and "We are going to miss you so much," were sentences I had heard a million times over at this point, though it never made it easier to hear them again. My flight was set to leave early the next morning, but despite my knowing that, I still had not begun packing any of my suitcases for my year abroad. A few close friends stayed the entire night to help me get all of my things packed (and unpacked and re-packed and unpacked and...). The entire trip would take nearly three days in total, and the only time I would manage to sleep would be on the eight and a half hour flight from Chicago to Copenhagen.
I had underestimated the power of a trip like this. That these three days really would completely change my life. I spent eight hours in the Chicago Airport. Part of the time lost, all of the time freezing. Chicago in January is not nearly as kind as Florida. I spent twenty-four hours in Copenhagen- well, in one terminal of the airport. These twenty-four hours were my first time in a foreign country. I had traveled through some of the U.S., but had always longed to go into every little reach of the world and this was my first stop. While I was in Copenhagen I spoke with some of the other travelers, some coming, some going. All of them, as exhausted or as enthusiastic as they seemed, had that little glimmer in their eye that one gains from the opportunity to learn new places, and with all of them you could hear their soul when they spoke. Travel is a curious thing with the ability to remind us just how connected we really are to each other. From the lonely old man waiting for his flight in Chicago, to the twenty something working the morning shift at the Copenhagen airport café. We are all driven by something, some passion that may or may not come to life. I did not realize the power this trip would have over me, that it truly would be the end of one life and the beginning of another, but that's the best part of traveling- the unexpected knowledge you gain through each new journey.