all over, one at a time

“BIG STRIDE!”

And with my right hand holding my regulator and mask firmly in place, the left clutching my weight belt, I did exactly what my instructor told me to, and splashed into the sea. Once I was in the water with only my head bobbing above the surface, I had that kind of feeling where I was going to get swallowed up by the sheer volume and vastness of this water body.

I pushed that thought away and tried to keep my mind blank.

Once my team was ready, we descended into the overwhelmingly majestic yet enticingly mysterious blue depths. On the way down in between tightly shut eyes and equalizing my ear pressure, I took in my surroundings, every time just like the first.

The blueness of the ocean shone everything in a magical light, making it a whole new world below atmosphere. Parrotfish swam in and out of rainbow corals; clownfish fleeted in between fluttering anemones. A cuttlefish was hoping to remain unseen by camouflaging with the boulder of corals beside it but it was spotted anyway. Sea urchins with spikes longer than their core lay around on the sea floor, waiting for a clumsy victim to land on it.

When we hit bottom, I lost my balance. What happened next was a scenario akin to a panicking fish being trapped in a whirlwind of sand about to receive its impending doom. I literally kicked up a (sand) storm!

I quickly gained back control of my buoyancy and, gulping large breaths infused with shame, we moved off. But it was as if fear was watching from behind a rock and suddenly leaped out at me. Gut-wrenching thoughts ran through my mind.

I had half a mind to resurface but I could not let myself down like that. To let fear reign over me would be a defeat. I decided to focus on the beauty I’m surrounded by instead. As we glided along, my full concentration was on appreciating the diverse life forms, some quietly taking in our presence, some studying us cautiously and curiously. I marveled at how big the shoal of rainbow runners could get, how fast they changed directions and darted around in synchrony. Three barracudas casually swam overhead, knowing we were no threat to them. Catching myself being fascinated, I took a deep, long breath and calmed myself down. What could go wrong, right? I stuck closely to the instructor and, immersing myself in the grandeur of the blue world, I slid off, partaking in the daily ritual of the many marine lives and chucked my fears aside. This was my moment, being IN it and conquering my fears.