My Scholarship entry - A local encounter that changed my life

bkramer88 — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 19:32:56 GMT

I’m not entirely sure what possessed me to opt for a three day bus trip over a flight. I lie, it was purely money. I had more time than it, so a lengthy road journey seemed like simply an adventure for my future self to brag about it. I didn’t consider that it would mean giving up personal hygiene for seventy-two hours.

Being the only gringa on the bus from Buenos Aires to Lima, this made me special, and any special person deserves special treatment. The Peruvians and Argentines on the bus ensured the little lonely blonde girl was sufficiently hydrated and prayed for (the trip began with a bus-wide prayer, which instilled me with much confidence for the remainder of the journey). One lovely lady distributed some Bible passages for all the bus, and apologised to me for not having any in German, my native tongue. I assured her I’m Australian and speak English, she responded by showing me the Austria page in her world atlas (because she had it with her) with its official language being German. Testing my limited Spanish skills, I managed to convey where I am actually from (thanking the fact that kangaroo is so easy to mime, and the word in Spanish is canguro).

Although lengthy, smelly and occasionally scary, the bus ride was one of the best things I’ve done. It was the only time during my stay in South America where I was completely surrounded by native Spanish speakers with no option of slipping into English (or German…), and I got to experience some true South American hospitality. I felt communally adopted by the other passengers – like I was their daughter (collectively, if that’s even possible) and they wanted to make sure I arrived in Lima safely, without getting immediately robbed and/or sold into slavery upon my arrival. One guy even bought me ice cream at one of our stops. Sometimes it’s good to be a novelty.

Do's and Don't's in Australia

bkramer88 — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:13:00 GMT

Across the world, Aussies are known as being those lucky, laid-back, easy-going bastards of Britain who let nay-sayers and insults glide right off like water off a duck's back. There's a common conception that there is no etiquette guide book for the land 'Down Under', because we're just too fucking lazy to make one. This is quite true. However, the unspoken rulebook is as vast as the desert, and unwittingly breaking the unspoken code might get you a schooner (google it) in the eye.

DO offer to buy the first round of drinks at the pub. This will make you look like a 'top bloke' to your new Aussie mates, and it also means you won't have to get up for the next couple of rounds. Win, win.

DON'T remind an Aussie that their team isn't doing particularly well at their sport. There was once a time that we were good at everything, and we like to think that that is still the case. This is why you'll find reruns of victorious games and matches on the sports networks, instead of streaming those poofy yank sports. (translation: not as dangerous sports hailing from the United States of America)

DO act impressed/interested when an Aussie tells you a story about wildlife, the outback, the pub, their 15 seconds, and anything else. Even if the story does have racist undertones.

DON'T treat Vegemite like it's chocolate, unless you want to highly amuse your new Aussie mates. I recommend for your first experience to smear some butter on toast, followed by a thin spread of Vegemite. You can have your Aussie mate do this for you, if you trust them.

DO pretend like you know what your new Aussie mates are talking about. When in doubt, throw in some interjections such as, "Shit son!", "Farrrrk!" ('fuck'). Avoid using phrases such as "Crikey!", "Streuth!" and "Flamin gallah!", unless you are doing your impression of Alf Stewart from Home & Away.

DON'T be a dick.

DO play up to your national stereotype. There's not much Aussies love more than a good stereotype.

DON'T be scared of bugs/insects/creatures that could kill you, or you will be mercilessly mocked.

DO remind every Aussie you meet how much you love their country. We're smug like that.

DON'T act like you're not impressed.

Bridget Over Travelled Waters

My Scholarship entry - A local encounter that changed my life

Do's and Don't's in Australia