back
in may, when i first started revealing to close friends that i was
going back to melbourne in november, i was so chuffed by the
reciprocated enthusiasm: 'i can't wait to see you! we have so much to
catch up on!' but as the months rolled by, i was surprised by the
increasing amount of anxiety i felt about my return. in movieland,
these few months would be compressed into 10 seconds: the ang lee of my
life would have had me wandering in a random city, smiling dreamily at
the ground thinking of everything i'd do back home, when suddenly i
would stop and raise my face as the camera zooms in on me from above,
highlighting the widening eyes indicating that reality had hit. 'can't wait to see you; so much to catch up
on'
- f#ck! that's a lot of pressure! would everyone expect me to be like
speedy gonzales? would i be judged by not being up to date on the state
of the property market in the south eastern suburbs?
such was
the nature of my thoughts as i explored high altitude peruvian and
bolivian towns, the lack of oxygen doing nothing but fuel my nervy
state. i was slightly comforted by knowing that my worry was normal;
lots of people seem to get stressed about reuniting with
friends/family, and i've heard not a few 'what have i done?'-style
laments when plane tickets are paid for and realisation sets in. slightly
comforted, but not enough. my bandaid personality has always been in
the quick-rip category rather than the slow-and-careful-peel, so
halfway through yet another restless night of worrying (this time:
'what if i don't join
facebook?, will i have no more friends in australia?'), i thought screw
it, i'm not going to wait for the departure date to come to me, i'm going to go to it.
within
a week, i'd left the shores of lake titicaca, was scammed crossing the
bolivian/argentine border (including 20 minutes' worth of tv-like drama
when 3 stern police officers got on the bus on a coke raid), waited 14
hours between flights in auckland's airport, 3 hours at sydney's
airport, and arrived in melbourne at midnight a week after i'd made the
mohammed/mountain-esque resolve.
it's nice being home.
everything's so clean, familiar, safe, clean, convenient, new, clean,
and user-friendly. and everyone's so clean, polite, friendly, clean,
enthusiastic, clean, and willing to help. it's all just so nice, and i
definitely understand why almost all visitors here, once they've been
through melbourne, count it as one of their favourite places in
australia. i regret that i can't rediscover melbourne's music scene
with 24-hour-party-nico, that i couldn't take el colo-loco to any
fringe festival shows, that i can't invite funky chicken patty to tour
my favourite eating spots, nor trail my guachita vivita on a shopping
spree down bridge road, - not to mention all the other people i've met
along the way. yeah, miss dorothy was right; there really is no place
like home. but i have to say that this time, i'm giving my vote to
canadian philosopher, avril lavigne, when she says 'it's amazing what a
couple of years can do'.
it would be hard to pinpoint specific changes in the essence of melbourne life, or any particular change in me,
but somehow things have all mixed and reacted together, with the result
being that not only have lots of things surprised me, but i've been
surprised by the fact that i've been surprised. for example, - and
there's no exaggerating here, - i was honestly thrown off by the fact
that the toilets at auckland's airport were clean, well-supplied, and
you could flush toilet paper down without clogging the pipes. i even
took some extra toilet paper for my personal stash for future use, and
only realised much later (when i got to sydney's airport, and stole
more paper), that i could expect all public toilets from here on to be
regularly cleaned and supplies topped up. and i wouldn't even have to
make sure i had loose change to tip the person doing it.
other
things wowing me include how much the men's health and beauty market
has exploded, the intensity of the government campaign on crystal meth,
the amount of support for the breast cancer foundation (although i only
just realised that there was a designated breast cancer month), how new
all the cars i see are, and also how many more cyclists there are on
the roads. i'm still a bit bewildered about how self-conscious i feel
surrounded by so many groomed, toned, and fragrant people, all with
even teeth and smooth hands. it might sound like i'm blowing this out
of proportion, but if you'd gone so long without plucking your
eyebrows, used cooking oil as moisturiser, and washed only when the
opportunity arose (far less frequent than you'd want), you'd also feel
you were at a fancy-dress party when out and about looking
'presentable'.
i
haven't really had much interest in going back to my former behaviour -
buying music and clothes impulsively, for instance. And even though i'm
sincerely happy for the friends who are settling down with mortgages,
baby ideas, and few-week holiday plans for the future, i guess i'm
reassured that the comfortable deal that i could have here in melbourne, as great as it is, isn't
(yet? ever?) enough to pull me back. in a somewhat detached way, i'm quite curious to see how long these
feelings will last, and whether my personal behaviour will change as 3
weeks 'back home' turn into 3 months. i guess that'll be for next time though; stay tuned.
ps. despite myself, i ended up joining
facebook, too insecure to experiment with the consequences of
non-membership. i wonder what that says about me and the way we
communicate now...
pps. i'm now showering (almost) daily, and my
legs are (kind of) smooth. just so my melbourne friends know that
noseplugs and sunglasses won't be (technically) necessary when we catch
up.
ppps. i've just realised that i hadn't given the full story
of my temporary return. one of my cousins is getting married in
malaysia, a great pretext to come back to this corner of the world to
enjoy tim tams and kath & kim, preferably at the same time. after a
fortnight in malaysia/thailand, i'll be back in australia mid-november,
before using my one-way ticket out of the country 2 months from now.
i'm going back to south america, because there're some unfinished
dreams that i'd like to.. well, finish. but i can't say more on that
because i'll jinx myself. so in the meantime, please be warned that
i'll continue to send these long-winded emails at semi-regular
intervals.
