(I did not checked the grammar because I am in the state of sorrow and I want it to be like this when I do my speech during the funeral mass on June 9, 2010)
On May 30, 2011 at 3a.m dawn I woke up when a life-size butterfly dash
into my face twice. As if he is waking me up reminding of something while he
glance up at a lighted fluorescent bulb. Then later when I sleep back again in
a few minutes time he dash into my face until later I never fall back to sleep.
Thinking ahead the meaning of it, I try to resist that this thing is not true.
But he let me feel continuously even in my dream. Later on in the afternoon the
signs came true.
Unexpectedly, at same day I am very happy sending a few blessings of my
medical refund which I received from the institution that I am working at. I
asked my wife to buy my mother a new mobile phone and pampers to my father as
well as to give them extra cash for their daily needs. When my wife finally
arrives to my parent home she gave it to my mother. Then I call up immediately
but then later on while we chat with my mother, my father condition is
beginning to deteriorate then in few minutes I heard them crying. Later my wife
confirms that my father is dead.
With this in mind, hearing the dead of my father in a far distance
land, it let me realized the acceptance of this fate since I leave for overseas
because this is my choice. At the beginning I make it an option to how will I’m
going to face it if this thing will going to happen? Am I ready for this? Now,
I cry today because of the last memories that I wished to be there for him but
I missed during the family reunion last December 2010 and his 71st birthday
last 23rd May 2011 because of my unfavorable situation.
I remember when I visit him in the ICU. Upon I arrived when he sees me
he holds my hand tightly. I can feel what he speaks by just looking at his eyes.
I tried to be strong to hold back my tears so he will fight back his health
condition. Luckily his breath got back to normal after 5 days.
Upon leaving my parent home, I never tell my father goodbye because I
know my father a lot he is more emotional than my mother and I want him to stay
happy. But deep within my heart I am crying in vain even at the last moment as
I glance at him he innocently looks at me like a child not anymore the same
like he was in the yesterday.
My thoughts speak upon myself while I step out to the door of our house
“God, bless and protect my parent if I am away. Keep them always in good health
for they are the only parent I have in my life! Protect them at home as you
protect us in the foreign land” I am always proud of them no matter what the
others are saying.”
Then when I was in the midst of a cloudy sky staring at the window on
the plane, I began to ask this question to myself “What makes a good son in
order to gain the love and respect in the family? From this question it came
out two things. First is it your financial fortune to make your parent happy
and yet on the other hand they are forgotten in times of their emotional needs
or the second is it the good gesture of love, care and thoughtfulness to the
parent that matter most despite of earning less? I think I rather prepare the
second question. Financial investment is only secondary to emotional
investment. To gain the love and care for your parent is not all about money.
It’s all about the respect you show in a very simple manner, every single
minute of the day and I believed this is what my brother and sister missed. I
remember daddy have told me over the phone last December 2010 begging me to go
home because he said that he is almost dying which I never mind it for I though
he will always be there for us.
Now the dead of my father signify to let us realized children of what
were the things we need to fix and what were the things we need to prepare in
caring for my one and only parent left which is my mother.
We can never compare other families also because no two families are
the same. Likewise there is no perfect family same like there is no perfect
person. On the other hand you can never demand all in the family that all your
brother and sister must be successful there is at least one will come out weak
in some other way. But the best thing to make a family to stay healthy and
strong is to help your unfortunate brother and sister no matter what to
straighten and to uplift their path if they are lost. This is what daddy wants
to emphasized.
Daddy I thank you for everything and forgive for what I missed when you
were still alive. Not because of you I could never be strong to live on our own.
It was you who teach me how to buy meat and vegetable at the market. I remember
those days every Sunday you bring me in the market and teaching me how to
convince vendors for a discount of meat, fish and vegetables as well as spices.
It was you who teach me to love your work and not to waste my time in
unproductive way. I remember during my school vacation I go with you to wash
all those plastic bags and dry it up under the heat of the sun which I earn a
little commission every 15 days. It was you who teach how to value family by
making amen to my uncle and aunties everywhere and anywhere as well as prioritizing
a family first. It was you who teach me how to cook and later I develop it in
my own way. It was you who teach me to forgive and forget wherein I see it in
you that you never bury hatred to someone who hurt you. It was you who teach me
how to be frank in all what you say. It was you who bring me to cinema to watch
“Rambo” which is my first time to enter the cinema. Lastly, it was you who teach
me to choose the right friend that accordingly someday they will help you and
it is visible now that you have a lot of faithful friends here that show how
they love and care about you despite of your weaknesses.
Thanks daddy! Thanks daddy! It is not all over to show your physical
love and care for us your faithful wife my mother and children. But it is only
the beginning of your next chapter of the immortal responsibility to guide and
to take care of us while we are still alive until we meet again in heaven.
Lastly, I want to ask for forgiveness for those people whom my father
hurt. I know my father a lot he is quite tactless but if you only know him
better just look at his children.
Before I end, I want to thank to all the people here and for those who
were not able to come today to my father burial for sympathizing us the first
grief in our family. My cousins and neighbors who urgently responded during the
time of my father health unrest while we are away. My uncle and aunties who are
always there for us supporting us emotionally, spiritually and financially. My
wife, sister in laws, brother in law for their emotional support, the family
friends who are giving their voluntary services during the time of prayers and lastly
the faithful friends of my father for their good camaraderie and
trustworthiness to be with while my father are still alive until the moment of
his wake. I couldn’t identify you’re face and name all but in God grace you
will be known for your good deeds. In behalf of my brothers and sisters my
mother and daddy thank you very much for all your kindness and support!
