I have some lovely real friends, and twitter friends, who
write wicked blogs about cooking, or attempting to cook. They work either under
dire
location circumstances, or under
dire
lack of success but full of motivation circumstances (lookin’ at you Anna).
Whichever way you look at it, food posts are always fun, and I thought it would
be a neat follow up to show you exactly what my Omi taught me, from my blog
post about returning home to Sydney. When I went to fetch groceries, I grabbed
a whole chicken. It was not because I particularly wanted chicken, but because
I knew I could force my Omi to teach me how to cook it, and it would be
perfect. Thus, Omar the Chicken had his adventures and the whole experience was
a success.
Fast forward two months, and we welcome Lucy the Chicken to
our home, to share her adventures. Lucy had a lovely oil bath in a particularly
lovely glass bowl.
Then it was time for a good smattering of rosemary and a bit
more of a massage.
We all know garlic and rosemary are fab friends, so garlic
joined the party too. If you want to peel your garlic super-quick, go
here, otherwise, just do it the old and slow way. It’s kinda therapeutic.
Chopped up into the chunks, the garlic was going on an adventure of its own…
All I could think about in this next step was Andrew’s new favourite
term, lady bacon. So, you need to grab Lucy the Chicken at the lady bacon end,
and pull the skin away from the flesh, so you can shove your garlic all up in
there. Graphic, I know, but now you’ll remember when you’re doing your own
garlic-shoving into a chicken’s lady parts. By the end of it, Lucy will look a bit like she’s starting
to develop signs of an STI.
Boy, Andrew’s having a bad influence on
me these days.
Once you’ve finished assaulting Lucy the Chicken, grab one
of these babies.
Throw in a couple of tablespoons of flour (or wheat-free
alternative) and a good smattering of “meat spice” for the salt factor. My Omi
used chicken stock, but I recently ran out.
Shake your booty for a moment.
Lucy the Chicken loves the entertainment.
Shake the bag too.
Then, gently caress Lucy INTO the bag, where her oily bits become
at one with the floury bits of the bag. It looks pretty darn messy really, but
trust me, it works. Throw in a handful of onion, to keep her company.
Seal up your baggy, and in the words of @Quirky75,
get stabby, punching 5-6 holes in the top to avoid chicken-splosion.
Next, adventure into the dodgy-as Dubai stove at around 170
degrees celcius…
The cat will wait anxiously…
And voila! Lucy the Chicken completes her adventures and
Andrew is happy that he married a woman who can cook.
