Living my dreams

home

pilgrim192 — Fri, 7 Aug 2009 14:14:00 GMT

I'm glad to be home. but i have bouts of tristeza when i see something that reminds me of Argentina. I fell in love with tango.

waiting

pilgrim192 — Sat, 1 Aug 2009 19:07:00 GMT

I dont think it´s healthy to be alone for too long. Our souls need to interact. I am pretty sure that, with time, you get used to being alone. But then you don´t like to be around other people. They get on your nerves easily.

When your alone, you dont have to wait for people, you don´t have to walk at their pace, you don´t have to talk to anyone. You do what you want to do. That´s great, but eventually, you get sad.

I felt sad for a while. I cried sometimes.

Then God plopped two new friends in my life and after Adam left, I spent a lot of time with Sanjay. I´m lucky because they are super -patient and nice guys.

After spending time with Sanjay and Adam, I became "nice" again...well, I mean, more patient with people.

So Today my friend San Jay went home (canada) and I´m alone again.

And I´m at that point where all I want to do is wait...wait to go back to home. But I know I¨ll be sick of it in a week or two. But still, I have this huge urge to wait.

So I´m going to keep myself busy. That´s what is nice about big cities, there is always something to do. But then I wonder...if we are always distracting ourselves (or entertaining ourselves)...are we living? If we never see the forest, are we connect with the earth? With God?

I love the city, but I´m not sure it´s good for me. I think that oftentimes we love the very things that will kill us. We love money. We love clothes. We hold love as a commodity...spending it on somethings and witholding it from others. When we want someone to change, we withold our love from them, thinking that, once they change, we´ll love them again. In the end, love should be treated like raingwater. Free-flowing and free for everyone. God doesn´t hold his love from anyone and He changes people all the time! (there´s a lot of info on this topic in the book Blue Like Jazz, which I´m borrowing to Nicki when I get home).

To conclude this chapter of my book of life-

Let´s love one another, shall we?

Besos...

Daniela

Lessons

pilgrim192 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:43:00 GMT

1. I love tango!

2. I´m not ugly without makeup

3. Joy is fleeting

4. I can handle anything now that I have jumped off of a cliff. Really, nothing scares me that much anymore.

5. I need a routine

6. I am sort of a homebody and I´m not the average 20 yr old. There is nothing wrong with who I am.

7. I love lifting weights.

8. Spending time with friends is better than anything.

9. Food is a silly thing to be afraid of

10. I will always have enough money. I have faith in God. He will always provide me with what I need.

11. I am not anyone else (mom, sister, cousin, etc) and I don´t have anyone else´s body

12. never What-if your life away. just do it!

13. It´s important to dress up and look nice.

14. opposit thought-opposit action works.

15. I love living in the city.

Un Rompecorazon

pilgrim192 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:34:00 GMT

Yesturday was my last class with my tango professor.

I was sad.

I hate liking someone who doesn´t like you back...but who does? Anyway, I´ll never see him again. I don´t think a relationship would have been possible,he´s re-not my personality-type. I was very physically attracted to him! I think I´ve been alone too long. I want to be touched by a human! I want a hug or a kiss or something! I don´t believe that humans are meant to be alone for long periods of time. Our souls need to interact.

Of course my mom tells me that he was too shy to ask me out (or gay), but sometimes, a guy just doesn´t like a girl and I have to accept it. (sigh)

man, i sound desperate! jajaja! You can tell, i´m a little homesick. Pobresita.

tango update

pilgrim192 — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:12:00 GMT

tango

Tai Chi and dinos

pilgrim192 — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:43:00 GMT

I was walking through the botanical garden the other day and I heard...ENGLISH!

Being the out-going nut that I am, I followed the sound and started chatting with two girls from England.

We were walking through the park and I saw a woman doing Tai Chi near a tree with two other women following her moves. I must have been staring too much because she invited me to join! Of course I did, and I invited the two english girls.

I´ve always wanted to do Tai Chi, and it was awesome! Sometimes I think that, as humans, we loose touch with nature.

Speaking of loosing touch with nature...

It was a rainy day yesturday. Not like pounding drops of rain, but misty and grey. I felt ugly. My mood often reflects the weather. Its really tricky to change my mood. A daily battle...

I walked up 8 huge, stone steps and entered the Science Museum. I am super excited! I thought. I have to pee! I always have to pee...even when I am not excited.

So I started my journey through the museum, backwards, because the bathrooms were on the first floor (meaning second floor in USA). The first room was stuffed (real) animals. I was especially mesmorized by the jaguar, the bats, and the mice.

The second and third rooms were full of reptiles and insects. They had a lot of the reptiles in jars with liquid, in order to preserve their bodies. I loved the frogs! The insects were a bit too much for me though. Just imagine a beetle the size of your HAND! AHHH! no thanks.

Then I saw a gigantic clam. It was beautiful...once again, nothing can compare to natural beauty!

Next there was an exhibit on Charles Darwin. They even had handwritten letters by Darwin himself! He studied human evolution from monkies. His story was interesting- he was going to school to become something religion-related. Then he was asked to go on a long boat journey. during this journey, he kept a journal and took notes on all the animals. It took him 20 years to gain the courage to publish his work and then he became a bit recluse and died (lonely). His theory is simple. Humans are related to nature. But just because we may have evolved from apes, doesnt mean there isn´t a God, God could have created different animals, but overtime, those animals do adapt and change.

Then...the BEST ROOM OF ALL!!! DINOSAUR BONES!! YES! holy cow, they were so freaking awesome and there were loads! I saw a long-neck and a T-REX head!

Al Final, a room full of living fish in small tanks. I felt so bad for them. But I didnt feel as bad about the stuff animals. I wonder if we will ever do this too humans. I guess we already do. When a prehistoric human is found, it´s put in a museum. Maybe aliens will do the same to us someday...yikes.

But honestly, it´s better to kill one animal for exhibition, than to cage hundreds for the rest of their lives. Its like the haloucaust but for animals...

I don´t like caged animals. I do like Tai-Chi.

I´m afraid to paint my fingernails

pilgrim192 — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Time moves by slower here. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I dont. They don´t use a lot of electricity here. In my home, I have to light a match to start the gas stove, oven, and heater. Sometimes I let too much gas go and then it puffs up and scares me! I´m afraid to paint my fingernails because I´ve already burnt a nail (without polish)!

I probably spend the majority of my time in transport. That´s normal in big cities though.

I get home from school and after all my walking, I´m too pooped out to go to a Milonga or explore the city.

Darn.

Abandon ship!

pilgrim192 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 22:09:00 GMT

After the sealions, we headed toward our next destination: a 45-year-old shipwreck at the bottom of the ocean. The older man and the boy were too cold, but I wasn´t willing to give up my opportunity, so off we went.

When we dropped the anchor, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"I´m BACK!"

It was fear. Next thing I knew he was standin over me, punching me in the stomache.

I was scared.

I MEAN SUPER SCARED.

I don´t know how to dive. What if I can not breath and I was too far at the bottom? What if I die?

NO! I WON´T "WHAT-IF" MY LIFE AWAY!

"Daniela, escuchame." The guide was talking to me.

He told me, when I went underwater, I had to keep the pressure equal in my body. I was going to do this by holding my nose shut and my mouth shut as well. Then after doing those things, I was going to try to "blow" air out of my nose and mouth (obviously, I can´t blow the air out). With the aire trapped, it goes out your ears...try it now if you want.

The guide put my flippers back on my feet and as he added weights to my stomache, I said.

"No quiero morir. Tengo miedo." I wasn´t smiling. I was very scared. I think I was more scared than I was when I jumped off of the mountain. I don´t like the idea of drowning.

"Tranquil" He said.

I didn´t smile. I couldn´t be calm!

He pushed me over the edge again.

He wrapped his legs around my waist and with the rope of the anchor, we started our desent. We went down about three feet, and I couldn´t do that ear-pop pressure thing.

I got scared. and Fear was waiting at the bottom. We went back up.

I don´t know if I can do this...

"Tranquil...." the guide said as we reached the top of the water and he started pulling me back down.

I´m not ready! Wait! He kept pulling. And my heartbeat rang through my head.

I didn´t have a choice, so I started praying. I tried the ear-pop thing and it worked this time. As my confidence grew, fear backed farther and farther away. Before I knew it, my leg his the ground. I saw tiny starfish and tons of clams at the bottom. The guide basically carried me around the ship for a VERY short amount of time (i think he thought I was scared still) and we came back up.

I have pictures from before and after the dive. Before, I look scared to death, but at the bottom, you can see the happiness in my eyes.

How many people have gone diving in Patagonia! SWEET!

Kissing Sealions - Puerto Madryn, Patagonia

pilgrim192 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:35:00 GMT

OH MY GOSH! IT´s FREEZING! I thought as I tried to cover my body with my backpack. I looked around at the terrain from a door-less, top-less jeep. It looked exactly like the desert. Reminding me of Arizona.

What a lie. I thought. I´m freezing my pelotas off here!

I was sitting in the front, wearing a semi-wet diving suit and nothing else. The wind was fierce and bit at my face like one million piranhas.

The french man and his nephew where sitting in the backseat. When we first boarded the jeep, the older man put on one of the jackets he grabbed the other one and asked me if there was a third, i said no. But his nephew looked about 12 years old.

"Estoy bien." I said to him. As he took the jacket and gave it too the young boy.

Ugh, why was I so nice? I thought as I sat there freezing.

Finally, we arrived to the pebble-filled beach. As the small boat came toward the beach, I ran into the water because I didn´t want to give myself time to feel how cold it was...it didn´t work. It was freezing.

This is Patagonia afterall.

After a short, 10 minute boat ride, we arrived at our desination. The guide grabbed my foot.

What is he doing? "Que estas haciendo?" I asked.

He put the flipper on my cold, wet foot.

Oh, duh.

Oh, crap. I don´t know how to snorkel...I´ve never used fins before.

I got scared. I was trying to tell the guide I didn´t know how to snorkel.

He pushed me in. And I figured it out.

Off we went. Off to the cliffs. My heart raced as we approached our destination and forgot all about the cold water seeping into my diving suit.

GUESS WHAT WAS ON THE CLIFFS?

A COLONY OF SEALIONS!

yesssss....

And they were very friendly. Right away they swam up to me and started swimming around me. I started floating on my back (thanks Nicki, for teaching me how to do this when I was little) and one climbed on my stomache and nipped at my face.

I kissed him on the head!

This was one of the coolest things I have ever done! We played with the sealions for a while and when the little boy got cold we started swimming back.

Swimming back was much easier than swimming there. This time, I put my head down. Thus, I was able to snorkel back. The water below was like another world. I was mesmorized by the dozens of sealions I saw playing below me. I looked at the rocks and all of the life.

As humans, we often get so wrappe up in our lives, that we forget there are so many other lives to consider...so many other things to see.

I tried not to smile (very hard for me too do), because whenever I smiled, I somehow sniffed water into my nose. Don´t ask me how I do this stuff...I just do. So I smirked.

That´s when I saw the first one. It was right below my body and it´s translucent skin was like a window. I saw the rainbow colored lines inside of it´s body light up as the sun reflected off of them.

Then I saw another one...and another...and then hundreds more.

tiny JELLYFISH!

Arn´t these poisonous? What if we accidently swam into a herd of jellyfish?! I don´t want to die! I´m not ready to die!

Oh wow, they are so beautiful...I just want to touch one...

"OW!" I said, inhaling water as I spoke. My head hit the side of the boat.

"Jellyfish!" I said to the guide.

He knew some english and explained that they are in the jellyfish family, but arn´t poisonous.

So, I basically spent the morning playing with sealions in the wild.

Two jounal entries back, I wrote about going to the zoo in Buenos Aires. I was very sad that day. And I compared that feeling to today. A 180 degree difference. When I saw those caged animals (sealions), they looked sad. I could feel their sadness and I became sad and negative. But today, it was like I was a totally different person after seeing them. BECAUSE THEY WERE FREE AND HAPPY. So I felt the same.

Nature=Beauty.

So you think you can dance

pilgrim192 — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 11:32:00 GMT

I am super blessed.

beyond blessed!

The lady I live with, Yolie, goes to a tango lesson two times each week. She has one leg (she was hit by a bus five years ago) but dances really well.

She offered to take me to class with her.

But the day before class she wanted to show me someting. So we went on a walk. We went to Avenida 9 de Julio (the widest street in the world) and we walked to the obelisco (a famous monument in the middle of the street). I thought that was all she wanted to show me and then as we walked back to the bus stop on Avenida 9 de Julio, she stopped.

Is she OK? We´ve been walking a lot and I know it´s not easy for her. I went to grab her hand so we could walk and then she pointed to a HUGE theatre that said TANGO SHOW. On the sides of the theater were photos of tango dancers.

Wow! I thought. I´d love to see this! It´s got to be the best in the world if its on this street.

Then she pointed to a photo of a man and a woman dancing.

"Nuestro Professor." She said with a huge, proud smile on her face.

Did she just say what I think she said? No, I miss understood.ç

"Este hombre..." I pointed to the photo, "el va a enseñarnos esta noche?" My face was as white as a sheet.

"Si. He were be...our...teacher today." She said in broken english.

I looked up at the photo. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomache.

HOLY SH&%&! I´m going to be tought be one of the best tango dancers in the world.

00000000000000000000000000000 Later that Day 00000000000000000000000000

We walked into the orthopedic studio where Yolie´s lessons are held each week. My face felt hot and I knew I was sweating. I hadn´t even started dancing yet! I sat in a chair, trying to look calm, as we waited for our famous teacher, Marcos, to arrive.

Five minutes later, in strides a tall...TALL argentinian with a huge smile on his boy-like face. This was Marcos. At just 22, he had already traveled the world, dancing and teaching tango.

Our first dance was horrible, I was a ball of nerves. But with time, it was easier and easier to dance with him. I hate to admit it, but I am a little attracted to him, so that doesn´t help at all. When we dance, I can´t see over his shoulder so I am forced to look at his broad, strong chest. I can see his heart beat vibrations in the vains on his neck and I just want to kiss him. Tango is a very sensual dance...

Can you believe how lucky I am?

THANK YOU GOD!