Largie's laze-a-bout

America in Vietnam: Please leave your comments

largeone — Sun, 7 Jun 2009 13:23:00 GMT

Over 30 years on since North Vietnam captured Saigon, things have changed. For instance, Americans are welcome. Which is amazing because they are more welcome in a country they tore apart, than any other country in the world. I invite you to add a comment to the picture associated here. I will get the ball rolling.

1) Security gaurd: Would anyone really notice if this guy went missing?

2) American tourist: Ooops, I just recorded over my sons wedding. Ah, what the hell...they'll be another one.

I invite your bestest comment. Thank you.

Bike-e-bago: It's Cheap

largeone — Sun, 31 May 2009 10:05:00 GMT

Travel Vietnam for less than 15,000 dong a day. You get a two stroke motorbike, a comfortable double bed strapped to your back grill, and last but not least - all the open air you can handle. Your travel insurance will not cover this however, so if you break your neck navigating death defying traffic in Saigon, don't expect to get paid for it. It is however a relatively safe mode of transport around Vietnam. Close to 85 percent of motorists live long enough to return the bikes. So if you are fairly confident on the road, and value travelling more than your own life, this is for you. Venders are absolutely everywhere, but generally those with only one leg will give you the best rate.

Happy motoring!!!

Hoi An: How do you untangle your tree trunk from powerlines?

largeone — Sat, 30 May 2009 15:12:00 GMT

Well, we've all done this before haven't we! According to locals, the best way is to use a super conducting metallic pole to dislodge the live electirical wires from branches extruding from the main stump. The reason for this being that it is believed you will have eternal luck if you manage to survive the initial electicution.

Jasmine took this photo while I was at the bank getting money and she was walking along one of the main roads from our hotel to meet me on the corner.

Cat Pho: How long does it take to skin a cat?

largeone — Fri, 29 May 2009 14:00:00 GMT

3 minutes I'm told, and 5 if you want it de-boned. Meat and noodle soup are a staple Vietnamese dish, and although dog and cat Pho restaurants are not common, they can usually be found on discreet narrow streets in Hoi An. Menus don't exist in restaurants like this. They bring your ingredients to you. They also offer a quite detailed history of your chosen meat. For instance, my cat was 6 months old, called Mitsy, fed on corn beef but predominantly food scraps, had been with the owners of the resturant since birth, and came with a certificate of authenticity. The price of a cat pho can be anywhere from 15,000 to 30,000 dong - depending on its history, and tastes best served with corriander and lemon grass.

What happens to the rest of the cat? What do you think your pho broth is made from?

Bon appetit!!

Ha Noi: What does it take to be a security gaurd?

largeone — Wed, 27 May 2009 14:09:00 GMT

The same as in Australia...if you can read and write, you would probably be over-qualified. Only when you can generally stand upright; wear ill-fitting clothes; and look as if somehow life dealt you a hand of apocalyptic proportions, will you get an instant pass to the front line. It is the general perception in Vietnam that street security have the right to hassle young women, wolf whistle at tourists, and sit around sunbathing with absolute indemnity. There seems to be no boundaries with disregarding what there actual jobs entail: which is keeping things secure. In their free time, which seems to be all day, they love nothing more than pointing tourists in the wrong direction, using their sandals as frizbees, and drinking ice-coffees in the shade of their over-sized hats.

Ok, this isn't entirely true. It probably is in Australia though.

Vietnam: With Great Power...Comes No Resposibility

largeone — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:17:00 GMT

Ever looked up in the streets of Hanoi? The amount of electrical cable precariously dangling from semi eroded steel poles in greater than 51.4 million kilometres. Ever wondered what the reason for this is when Vietnam is only 21km's from end to end? It's simple...they're mad.

Did you look at the picture? If you haven't, look at it again and tell me I'm wrong!! I dare you.

Vietnam: How many mechanics does it take to tighten a wingnut?

largeone — Sun, 24 May 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Probably just one. After speaking to the hostess at the boarding gate who explained to me that the reason our flight was delayed was because the front wheel gear was loose, I didn't know if I should point out to her that 5 mechanics were crawling all over the starboard engine like monkeys on heat.

Once I told her to turn around and look out the window she promptly disappeared, and our flight was delayed for a further two hours.

Sentosa: Sand Sun and Sea Containers

largeone — Sun, 24 May 2009 17:24:00 GMT

The Beauty of Sentosa lies at the beach. Stretches of blinding white sand, availablilty of solid wood deckchairs at 20 US a pop, and the almost beautiful horizon broken only by over 500 ships floating less that a kilometre from shore. The Singaporean government decided that with every 10,000 litres of balast exhausted, ships passing through Sentosa should also expell 50 litres of oil. The effect being a dazzling oily shimmer offering life in the evenings once radiance from the evening dusk bounces off the rough but seductive surface.

Of course, nobody is allowed to swin within 5 kilometres of its shores.

How to Gate-Crash a Singaporean Wedding

largeone — Sun, 24 May 2009 00:20:00 GMT

It's easy. Pretend you are someone entirely different. We followed a car with ribbons on it to the Regent Hotel. Once we located the reception I stepped in and said that I was Hugh Jackman, and Jasmine said that she was Renee Zelweiger. They were so delighted that we'd shown an interest, we were invited to the VIP table with the brides family. It was going very well, as Jasmine was producing her best Bridget Jones British accent - had the audience in histerics by the way, but when I was asked to rip my shirt off and ejects metal claws from between my fingers, I understandable was feeling some performance anxiety. So I excused myself, just before the demonstration and climbed my way out of the bathroom window. Not sure what Happened to Jasmine, haven't spoken since yesterday evening.

On a girlfriend side note:

Wanted to mention just how amazing the wedding was. It turned out that we were amongst the guests of honor and were seated with the brides family. apparantly thats a big thing in their culture. most of the family was pretty intreagued that there were these two australians who were at the wedding, and indeed, pretty interested in the wedding process. We were treated like family and everyone went out of their way to make us welcome and explained most facets of the day to us. So huge thanks to those who were there and looked after us.

Botswana: No. 1 Ladies Hair Stylist

largeone — Tue, 3 Jul 2007 05:48:00 GMT

Creator of the Botswana renowned "pero-perm" Mma Rotswe waits excitedly once more for a customer. Mma has taken the BBH (Botswana's Best Hair Stylist) award in consecutive years with her unbeatable: Peroxide-Perm, which involves unloading a can of hairspray onto a short-curl perm. It is performed under the watchful eyes of Mma Rotwe's assistant who waits patiently on standby with a fire extinguisher in case Mma Rotswe's cigarette ash ingnites the clients head.

Although Mma Rotswe does not excel in male hairstyling, her assistant Mma Gigi can perform them if required under the strict supervision of Mma Rotswe using battery operated clippers and an upside down margerine container which Mma Gigi places on the clients head and insists it is only used as a guide.